The Soul of Me (Part 4) (standard:drama, 4330 words) [4/11] show all parts
Author: Maya	Added: May 04 2001	Views/Reads: 2737/2118	Part vote: 0.00 (0 votes)
This is the fourth part of Heidi's continuing story. I hadn't intended on taking this route, but sometimes a story writes itself. Please read and send me your comments.

Everything was ready.  The note was lying atop my nightstand where it
could easily be seen.  I had the bottles of pills and the whisky ready. 
 I took a large swallow of the burning liquid.  I coughed and 
sputtered, but managed another swallow.  This time I swallowed five of 
the Percocet with the whisky.  More whisky, more pills, more whisky, 
more pills.  Finally, all the pills were gone.  “It’s just me and you.” 
 I said groggily to the bottle.  I sure didn’t feel well.  ‘Is this 
it?’ I wondered.  I could feel every cell in my body vibrating.  I 
literally felt stupid – I couldn’t tell if I was sitting or standing or 
lying down.  I wouldn’t be able to tell you my name or the day of the 
week if I was told what it was first.  I felt like I was above myself – 
floating.  I struggled not to vomit.  I kept drinking more and more of 
the horrid tasting drink, willing myself not to be sick – not to loose 
any of the precious medication that was sure to be my release from this 
world.  Suddenly, no more.  I didn’t feel anything.  I was gone...and 
yet I was seeing everything clearly. 

Flash. 

I saw my mother coming up the stairs.  “Heidi, are you up here?  I’ve
been call...”  Seeing my lifeless body lying on my bed, the almost 
empty whisky bottle and the empty pill bottle lying beside me, she ran 
to me.  “Heidi!  Heidi!  Wake up!  No!” she screamed.  She jumped up 
and ran to the phone and dialed 911.  “I need an ambulance.  Please 
hurry.  My daughter.  I can’t wake her up.”  She was struggling with 
her terror and tears while still  giving the dispatcher the information 
he needed to send help.  She dropped the phone and rushed to my side.  
It wasn’t long before I heard sirens in the distance. 

Flash. 

I was in an ambulance.  It was so chaotic – so loud.  The siren was
wailing, the medics were working to save my life.  “It’s too late.”  I 
wanted to shout.  “I did it.  I’m finally free.” 

Flash. 

Were was I?  I saw my mom and my dad sitting in a small room with
sterile looking walls, and institutional furniture.  I could see people 
– doctors – nurses – patients through the windows of this small room 
walking or hurrying down the halls.  My parents were both crying.  “Why 
did we let this happen?”  “I thought she was happy.”  “How could we 
have let her feel so alone.”  “We could have helped her.”  “If only we 
had talked to her more.”  “Why didn’t we see she was so unhappy?”  
“She’s gone.  We’ll never get the chance to tell her we love her.”  
“I’m so sorry, Heidi.” 

Flash. 

Quiet now.  Warm and peaceful.  Soft music.  People milling about.  I
see Jody, David, Aaron, even Kyle is there.  People – a lot of people.  
Teachers, students, counselors, my family, people I didn’t recognize.  
Me.  I’m there, and yet I have no place here.  I’m gone.  I lie in a 
white and gold casket. Tears – so many tears.  Oh, Jody.  Don’t cry.  
You were always there for me.  “Why didn’t you talk to me?  You 
promised me!  I’m sorry I failed you.  I’m sorry I couldn’t make you 
see what a wonderful person you were.” 

Flash. 

The wind was blowing.  People, the same people, were standing around me
in my eternal resting place – a deep dark hole in the ground.  More 
tears.  My mom and dad were holding each other – afraid to let go, 
afraid they’d be lost to each other if they did.  Jody, supported on 
either side by her parents.  She wouldn’t look up.  She stared at the 
ground in front of her, tears and anger showing on her face.  David, in 
the very back – always in the very back – his cheeks were shiny from 
tears.  Kyle, guilt ridden, unable to cry, yet unable to leave the 
scene.  Aaron, beautiful Aaron.  He is clutching something in his 
hands.  The procession begins to leave.  One at a time providing their 
condolences to my grieving parents as they pass on their way back to 
their lives and the world of the living.  Only Jody and Aaron remain.  
Jody speaks to my parents.  “I’m so sorry for not talking to you 
sooner.  This is my fault.  I should have been stronger.  I should have 
told you.”  My parents both reach to hold her - to say she is not to 


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