Logging Off (standard:drama, 1114 words)
Author: Charlotte D'Espoir	Added: Jul 08 2003	Views/Reads: 3499/2329	Story vote: 0.00 (0 votes)
I wasn't sure what category to place this under. It is a terribly sad story about a girl who had come to rest her existence on one thing. A person. And as most people do at least once in their lives, they let her down.

I let my face come in contact with the cool surface of my computer
screen. No matter what I do anymore, nothing ever works out right. 
Slowly I sink into my mind. My eyes closed. My breathing slowed. 

I imagined that I was in a garden. It was filled with green ferns and
vibrant colored flowers, irises of cerulean blue, roses of the purest 
red and white, lilies a dark purple. This was where I could go and 
relax. Then something brought me back to the real world. I opened my 
unfocused eyes and looked at the screen. My buddy list stood in the 
center and a single name was on it. He was online. The accustomed ring 
of an instant message rang through the silent house. 

For a moment I was unsure of what to do, then I read what he wrote, "hey
babie-doll, what's up?" Suddenly I came alive with energy and I typed 
in response. "hi! nm u?"  He quickly responded and I furiously typed in 
the eagerly flashing box. Suddenly, it didn't matter that I had failed 
my Geometry class, or that I was so depressed yesterday that I had 
tried to kill myself, or that when my mother had seen, she had laughed. 
The conversation commenced and I became so immersed in it that I became 
this sprightly giddy girl who had no troubles. Time had no bearing and 
it came as a pleasant shock when he typed, it's four o'clock u know. He 
was getting tired and my eyes were starting to hurt. Then after a pause 
he typed in a cryptic message. I have something wonderful I want to 
share with you. The black font against the harsh white instant message 
background glared at me. 

"yes?" 

I watched the bar at the bottom of the IM say that he was typing. I
patiently waited my destiny. Everything is going to work out. 

"I am so happy to be able to share this with you, cus your like my
favorite person." 

The box said he was still typing and I fill with tears and my heart
soared. What was taking him so long?? I can't take the suspense. I was 
grinning from ear to ear. 

"I asked out this girl Jenny and she said yes!!!" 

My stomach plummeted. I felt my eyes dilate and I couldn't breath. I
felt my heart crush. 

"That's great! Do I know her?" 

My vision swam and I felt nauseous. I had to be happy for him, I want hi
to be happy. No I don't! I want him to be mine! This is all wrong! My 
brain screamed and the room got smaller. I think I'm dying. 

"You may have met her once. she's so sweet and nice. she's perfect in
every way." 

I couldn't listen to anymore. I had to go, I had to get out. 

"Shit." i quickly blurted out a lie. "My sister woke up, g2g ttyl." 

I quickly signed off and turned off the monitor. The instant message was
probably still up. The house was dead silent. I looked at the blank 
screen for a moment and whispered good-bye. Tears were now soundlessly 
flowing down my cheeks. A roaring filled my ears. Nobody was home 
tonight. I was completely alone. Alone. It was something I was used to. 
I cried. I fell to the floor and curled into a ball and cried. Not the 
weepy sorrowful tears you see on TV, but the pain-racked cries of a 
tormented soul. I cried with everything in me. It hurt so bad I thought 
I was surely breaking apart. Gasping for breath I clambered to the 
kitchen, I had to get out. I pulled out drawers carelessly searching 
for something. Then I found what I was looking for. 

God, it hurt so badly. My lungs were screaming, my heart felt as if it
was being torn to shreds. I slashed at my wrists. I needed to get out. 
I kept slashing and slicing away at my arm then I switched hands. Blood 
was everywhere and it was dripping down my arm in a warm flood. Oh god, 
my clothes. They were soaked with blood and vibrated with their own 
life newly applied like a fresh coat of paint. Vibrant red. Crying, I 
fell to the floor once again. 


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