Solving the Mystery of Picking a President (standard:humor, 899 words)
Author: Godspenman	Added: Aug 26 2012	Views/Reads: 2541/1764	Story vote: 0.00 (0 votes)
The Gracious Mistress of the Parsonage and I were casually sitting on the back porch enjoying our evening coffee together. Suddenly, the conversation turned to things political. This does not happen very often so at the moment I was a little surprised by

The Gracious Mistress of the Parsonage and I were casually sitting on
the back porch enjoying our evening coffee together. Suddenly, the 
conversation turned to things political. This does not happen very 
often so at the moment I was a little surprised by this turn of current 
events. 

My wife does not spend much time keeping up with political news or
events. Therefore, I was a little surprised when she made some comments 
in this area. It began when my wife said, "Why is it every politician 
running for president insists that Washington is broken and they are 
just the ones to fix it?" 

Well, she had me there. Most politicians worth their pork barrel payment
have the audacity to believe they are political prophets able to see 
what is wrong with everything in this country, particularly those 
things in Washington, DC. Not only can they see what is wrong but also 
they know the exact way to fix it. However, no two solutions are alike. 


They look at the Washington, DC area and view it as a fixer upper. Then
they go around the country hammering away with the promise that they 
can fix it and fix it for good. All these politicians have "fixed" our 
government for sure, but not in the way they think. It is more along 
the line of when you take "Lucky" to the veterinarian to have him 
fixed. The results are the same in both situations. 

Then my wife made this observation. "If these politicians are so all
fired up about fixing problems, I would like to show them our plumbing 
problem." 

Of course, what my good wife does not realize is politicians can only
fix hypothetical problems not real ones. And the more hypothetical the 
more eloquent they are in their speeches about it. Whenever you hear a 
politician waxing eloquent in his speech you always know you are 
listening to an airbag. 

It was my turn to astonish my wife. 

"I have solved the mystery of picking the president of the United
States," I said rather arrogantly. I was waiting for her response. And 
I did not have to wait long. 

"You what?" 

Then I laid out for her my scheme for picking the president. 

"It's very simple. People pick a president about the same way they pick
their nose." 

I knew from her astonished look I would have to explain what I meant.
But it is true, nevertheless, picking a president is like picking your 
nose. 

The first thing is that nobody gets to select the nose they will have
for the rest of their life unless of course they submit to plastic 
surgery. I have seen some noses that if it were mine, it would not be 
mine for long. We may owe plastic surgeons quite a lot for saving the 
on looking public the excruciating pain of looking at ugly noses. 

It is the same way nobody gets to choose the list of potential
presidents they will have to decide on in the upcoming election. We all 
have to learn to live with the one or the other that has been given. 
Sad to say, in both areas, most of us have truly blown it. 

In this area of picking, some do it openly and unashamedly. They do not
care who sees them or hears them for that matter. They firmly believe 
as Americans they have the constitutional right to do this plainly and 
blatantly. 

Of course, there are always those who deny they even have a nose let
alone stooping to picking it in public. Some things, according to them, 
are better done in private, behind closed doors. Whoever invented 
"closed doors" has probably done society more benefit than any other 
invention. I must admit with some people it is quite hard to ignore the 
fact that they have a nose. It is the most prominent feature of his or 


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