ROGER'S FABULOUS VOYAGES, PART 2, CHAPTER 6. (standard:humor, 1631 words) [6/12] show all parts
Author: Danny Zil	Added: Jun 13 2012	Views/Reads: 2190/1629	Part vote: 0.00 (0 votes)
Roger meets Digby Quibble then Clarence.

Click here to read the first 75 lines of the story

instructed. 

Roger grabbed the items and disappeared behind another bush. There were
the sounds of digging, muted cursing then groaning. A couple of minutes 
later there were more digging sounds then Roger reappeared. He handed 
back the toilet roll and shovel. 

“You managed?” Digby asked. 

Roger nodded. “Sorry I took so long,” he said, “but I had to dig rather
a large hole.” 

“Why?” 

“Well I hadn't had a bowel movement for 48 pages,” he explained, “so
there was a substantial amount to jettison.” 

Digby glared at him again. He replaced the toilet roll and small shovel
in his briefcase then brought out another legal looking document, read 
it then handed it to Roger. “Sign at the bottom,” he instructed Roger. 

Roger signed it then returned the document. 

Digby checked it then placed it in his briefcase, closed it and nodded
to Roger. “Toilet requirements having been met, this novel can now 
proceed.” “Thank puck for that,” said Roger. 

Digby shook his head in disgust, picked up his briefcase and walked off
smartly back up the path towards the village. 

“See you in another 48 pages for my next specimens,” Roger muttered
after him. 

“Hey Digby, my man, how's it goin?” a returning Hub Cap asked as he came
down the path. 

Digby nodded curtly to him as they passed. 

Hub Cap strolled up to Roger. “You bin shootin the breeze wit Digby?” he
asked. “Hope he wasn't takin the piss outa you?” 

“Well...sort of,” Roger replied. 

“Shame about ole Digby,” Hub Cap went on. “Used to be a real good
mechanic. Could fix anythin.” 

Roger frowned. “A mechanic?” 

“Yeah. He flipped on the long trip to Uhuruland from Eart. Head just
went. Thinks he's some kinda hot shot lawyer now. Goes round telling 
people they's breakin some kinda law or other. Always orderin folk to 
do the strangest shit.” 

“Yes, he did that too,” Roger muttered. 

Hub Cap threw an arm round Roger as they strolled on. “Okay my man, got
some ace news for ya!” he said cheerfully. 

Roger brightened. “And what would that be?” 

“Looks like I'm gonna get laid tonight!” Hub Cap replied and laughed. 

“Well yes. I could see how that's good news,” Roger said. 

“Oh but it is. Rememba Teacha – that foxy chick I strolled off wit?” 

Roger nodded. 

“Well she turns out to be one horny chick. We's meetin up afta you bin
executed.” 

Roger stopped and stared at him. “But I thought you said--” 

“Relax, bro,” Hub Cap told him. “Teacha's fatha happens to be the
official  Executiona hea.” 

“Oh yes?” 

“Teacha an me, we's bin talkin it ova. We don't think it cool that Big
Lucas executin you jus cos you wite. So we fixin things for ya.” 

“And I won't be executed?” 

Hub Cap nodded. “I aint's gonna tell you how we doin it cos it's got to
look real.” 

“You mean they'll actually go through with it then?” 

Hub Cap nodded again. “That's all I can say, Rog but believe me, you'll
be okay.” 

They strolled on, Roger with a slightly worried look on his face. 

“Now you seen the village, Ah'll take you to the small town where the
regula folks live,” said Hub Cap. “It's down here aways, along the 
river.” 

They walked on, taking in the scenery. There was the lush forest on one
side and the turbulent river on the other. 

“Fine riva, ain't it?” Hub Cap asked. 

“It certainly is,” agreed Roger. 

“The riva named afta two of the famous bruthas from Eart.” 

“Really? Who were they?” 

“Two dudes by the names of Zam and Bezi.” 

Roger thought about it. Mouthed the names. Comprehension dawned. “Ah, so
it's called--” 

“The Bezizam,” Hub Cap said, shooting a quick glance at him. 

Roger took the bait. He looked puzzled. “The Bezizam? Shouldn't it be
the other way around?” 

“Wot, the Mazizeb?” 

“No. I mean putting the first name--” 

“You mean the dudes first names? Leroy an Thomas? The Leroythomas Riva?
Na, don't sound right, man.” 

“I think we're getting a bit confus--” 

Hub Cap laughed. “I's only jiving wit you, bro!” he said. “It ain't
called the Bezizam.” 

Roger frowned. “So what's it called then?” 

“The Obama.” 

“The Obama?” 

“Yeah. It's brown an fulla shit.” 

“Oh. I see,” muttered Roger but he didn't. 

As they meandered on beside the meandering Obama, the river began to
narrow until it was only a few feet across. This was very convenient as 
a man came out of the forest on the opposite bank and Hub Cap 
recognized him. 

“My man Clarence!” he called, waving. 

Clarence grinned and waved back. “Yo Hub Cap! Yo wite boy!” he yelled,
strolling over to the river bank. 

Roger and Hub Cap wandered over to their side of the bank and they were
then pretty close to Clarence. 

“We's headin for town,” Hub Cap told him. “You holdin any weed?” 

Clarence patted a bulging pocket. “If you holdin money, Ah's holdin
honey!” he replied. 

Hub Cap laughed. Roger didn't. 

“That's Clarence's patch across the riva,” Hub Cap told Roger, pointing
to a wide area of the forest. “He grows some mighty fine weed thea.” 

Roger frowned. “What, you mean he actually grows weeds? That sounds a
bit strange.” 

Hub Cap was about to explain weed to Roger when he spotted two youths
strolling along the path towards Clarence. 

“Uh-oh,” he muttered. “Could be trouble brewin hea,” he told Roger.
“Them two dudes just bad asses. They raidin Clarence's ganja patch 
befoa.” 

As the youths approached Clarence, he held up his hand and stopped them.
“That's as far as you two walkin,” he said. 

The youths just laughed. 

“We walkin where we likes,” the first youth told him. 

Clarence waved his hand behind him in a wide arc, indicating the nearby
forest. “All this land,” he said, “mine,” and tapped his chest. 

The youths laughed again. 

“Bullsheet!” said the first. 

“Yeah, this Uhuruland,” added the second. “Nobody ownin no land.” They
tried to get past Clarence but he stopped them. “Land mine!” he told 
them again more forcefully. 

The youths became angry. 

“This land ain't yours!” the first yelled and started pushing him. 

“This everybody's land!” yelled the second and joined in the pushing. 

The two of them slapped Clarence around then pushed him into some
bushes. 

Pleased with their work, they laughed and strolled on. They had only
walked a short distance when there was a loud explosion on the path. 
The screaming youths were blown into the air and bits of them splashed 
into the river. 

Clarence picked himself up and dusted himself down. He stared at the
bits of bodies now floating in the river then back at the smouldering 
blood splattered hole in the path with other body bits scattered round 
it. “Land mine,” he said then turned and strolled on. 


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