ROGER'S FABULOUS VOYAGES, PART 1, CHAPTER 5. (standard:humor, 3509 words) [5/6] show all parts
Author: Danny Zil	Added: Jun 11 2012	Views/Reads: 2101/1565	Part vote: 0.00 (0 votes)
Roger, Norman and the Albanians.

FIVE 

From behind the fence two peasants watched them approach. One of the
peasants, Korab, was tall and skinny. The other, Zog, was short and 
skinny. Both were wearing woolly hats, ragged sheepskin jackets, grubby 
leggings and sandals. They were on border patrol and both carried 
Albania's latest development in weaponry – big spears. Korab had the 
longer spear and this, according to the proud military tradition of 
Albania, made him Head Peasant. 

“Who's this coming?” Zog asked. 

Korab peered at the two approaching figures. “Oh Christ! It's that tit
who wants to be an Albanian an some idiot carryin the flag of the 
Italian Army.” 

Zog saw Roger waving the white flag and tittered. “The Italian Army
flag!” he repeated and tittered again. 

Roger and Norman drew closer and the Border Patrol could see Roger's
gorgeous yellow slippers with the bouncing pink pompoms. 

“Do all capitalists wear silly footwear, Korab?” Zog asked. 

Korab nodded wisely. “Yeah most of them, the stupid bastards.” 

“Greetings fellow Albanians!” Norman shouted as they neared. 

“Oh Jesus!” Korab muttered, his head sinking wearily into his hands.
“Spare us from that crap about wantin to be an Albanian again.” 

Roger and Norman reached the fence. There was a large gap at this point
and they could easily see through. 

“Shall I challenge them, Korab?” the Under Peasant asked. 

“Yeah, go on.” 

Zog cleared his throat a few times. “You two people over there!” he
yelled. “Fancy a game of tennis doubles?” 

Korab looked at the sky. “Not that kind of challenge, you twat!” he said
through gritted teeth. “A proper challenge. Like this.” He looked 
sternly through the gap in the fence. “Hoi, you pair!” he shouted. “Are 
you Albanians? If not you can piss off an if you say you'd like to be 
an Albanian,” he added quickly, remembering previous encounters with 
Norman, “I'll come over there an spear you.” 

“You can't go over,” Zog hissed at him. “We're not allowed to.” 

“Shit!” Korab said, remembering. He glanced at Roger and Norman. “When I
said come over an spear you,” he told them, “I didn't mean it literally 
but if you try an cross this border, the full might of The Albanian 
People's Border Army will be unleashed on you.” 

Zog glanced at him sideways. “What's that?” he asked. “The Border Army
thing?” 

“You an me,” Korab hissed. “An these spears.” 

“It's alright,” Roger told him placatingly. “We..mean..you..no..harm,”
he said slowly, enunciating every word. 

“Why's he talkin like that?” Korab asked. “We..mean..you..no..harm.” 

“Perhaps he has a speech impediment,” Zog suggested. “Lots of
capitalists do. It's because their bowels don't move regularly.” 

“Because their bowels don't move regularly!?” Korab scoffed. “Piss off!
He thinks we're a couple of uneducated peasants.” He turned to Roger. 
“Look mate,” he said, “you don't have 
to..talk..slowly..we..can..understand..you.” 

“Sorry,” Roger said. “I thought you were a couple of uneducated
peasants.” “Watch it!” Korab responded, bristling. “Or you'll have two 


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