ROGER'S FABULOUS VOYAGES, PART 1, CHAPTER 2. (standard:humor, 1522 words) [2/6] show all parts
Author: Danny Zil	Added: Jun 07 2012	Views/Reads: 2376/1687	Part vote: 0.00 (0 votes)
Roger heads back to Earth.

TWO 

Roger picked himself up, adjusted his smoking-jacket and his dignity and
glanced at the screen. The Cloud was gone. It must be behind them. 

“Could I have a rear view please?” he asked the Computer. 

“Certainly,” it replied affably. 

A huge picture of himself from behind flashed onto the screen. 

Roger closed his eyes. “Of the Cloud,” he said, drumming his fingers on
a console. 

“Sorry.” 

The Black Cloud came on screen. It seemed further away. 

“Is there any chance of it catching up to us?” Roger asked, staring at
it. 

“Sure. If we slow down. Shall I decrease speed?” 

Roger glanced at the Computer. “Stop being silly. What is this Cloud
anyway?” 

“Rear Scanner reports show that it's--” 

“I've asked this question to sort of give a bit of body to the story.” 

“...definitely composed of anti-matter and some other unknown molecular
substances travelling--” 

“You know, a bit of plot that the reader can fasten on to.” 

“...in the same direction as us at roughly half our present sp--” 

“Rather than a lot of sort of disjointed manic scenes. Mania can be
quite amusing at times but--” “Stop it!” 

“...if it's just a collection of disjointed scenes thrown together it
doesn't really make a--” 

“Shut up!” 

“...very good story. In fact I would say that one can easily lose the
drift of what's going on if--” 

The Computer screamed. 

Roger frowned. “...one doesn't have a plot. I say, are you okay?” 

“Fine, fine. You just keep interrupting me, that's all. I mean you asked
for a description of the Cloud to give a sense of plot and when I'm 
trying to describe it, making this whole ridiculous story sound 
plausible, you keep fucking well interrupting me, launching into some 
diatribe about the virtues of mania verses the intricacies of plot 
construction and you go on and on and on like some virgin about to be 
deflowered as if mania was some totally new concept you'd just 
discovered. Christ, people have been using mania for years and years 
and here's some jumped-up little dick-head of a Pilot trying to tell me 
something I've known about for fucking aeons.” 

Roger glanced round the Bridge. “Pardon?” he said. “I didn't catch that
last bit. After you said I was interrupting you.” 

The Computer screamed again. 

“I say,” Roger said, looking smug, “why d'you keep screaming like that?
Is there something wrong with your wiring?” 

“Look, if you don't allow me to describe this Cloud,” the Computer said
slowly and deliberately, “thus substantiating the entire novel, I'll 
humiliate you about your sex life.” 



Click here to read the rest of this story (210 more lines)