I'm having an out-of-cash experience (standard:humor, 912 words)
Author: Godspenman	Added: Oct 02 2011	Views/Reads: 3121/0	Story vote: 0.00 (0 votes)
I have read of people who testified to the fact that they have had an out of body experience. After meeting some of these people I can understand why they would want to abandon their body if only for a moment. My question is, why did they return? Whether

I have read of people who testified to the fact that they have had an
out of body experience. After meeting some of these people I can 
understand why they would want to abandon their body if only for a 
moment. My question is, why did they return? Whether this was a real 
experience or not, only their hairdresser knows for sure. 

I have made it one of the primary purposes of my life to stay in my body
as long as I live. In fact, I have so developed my body so that there 
is ample room for my La-Z-Boy chair and me. I like to be comfortable. 

Truth compels me to say that I have never experienced an out-of-body
experience. Every night when I go to sleep, I am unconscious until 
morning but I do not think that counts except when it comes to sheep, 
but who gives a baa-baa about sheep. I have a hard time relating to 
these people with such esoteric experiences. I do not doubt them, I 
just do not relate to them. 

One thing that I can relate to is "an out-of-cash" experience. There, I
said it. Confession is good for the soul. For many years, I was ashamed 
of having these kinds of experiences. I thought I was the only one in 
the whole world that ever experienced such trauma in their lives. I 
kept it a secret for many years. 

But all that has changed. I am ready to come out of the closet and
confess that when it comes to cash, I am simply out of it. 

It's not that I have always had an over abundance of cash. Throughout
the years, it has come in a little here and a little there but mostly 
nowhere. I can never remember a time when my life was flooded with so 
much cash I did not know what to do with it all. 

Being out-of-cash must not be as bad as it sounds. I suppose the
terrible thing is how a person gets to that point in life. 

I wanted to write a book about my out-of-cash experience but I only got
up to chapter 11. 

From everything I can gather, everybody seems to be out-of-cash. Even
our government has come to such a perilous place as this. The 
government used to say, "I feel your pain," and now they are really 
feeling our pain. The government is not broken as some people attest; 
the government is simply broke. Now they know how I really feel. 

Being out-of-cash does have some advantage. 

Last Tuesday, for example, was a long hard day and I was glad to get
home. When I did get home, my wife greeted me at the door and said, 
"Let's go out for supper tonight. I don't feel like cooking." 

I looked at her and said rather soberly, "I sure would love to go out
tonight for supper, but I'm really out-of-cash." 

My wife gave me one of her trademark looks and said, "Let's use your
credit card." 

I would have argued but I was simply out-of-arguments. I must say that
through the years she has been very generous with my credit card, which 
may be why I am really out-of-cash. 

Being out-of-cash is not really the worst thing that can happen to a
person. About three weeks ago, I had to go out of town for a little 
trip and forgot to fill up my gas tank. I didn't even think about it. 
After all, with all the car payments and the monthly insurance payments 
you would think the car would come up with a little bit of cash on its 
own. But no, it leaves everything to me. My car once told me it was the 
responsibility of the owner. 

I am not saying that my car is contrary but I was about 7 miles out of
town when I ran out-of-gas. It does not matter how much cash you have 
on hand, if you run out of gas without a gas station nearby it just 
does not matter. 

The men's store where I usually buy my clothing was running a sale on
shirts, the kind I usually wear. I had some errands to run and by the 
time I got to the men's store, they had sold the last shirt. "I'm 
sorry," the salesperson said, "but you're out-of-luck." 

I am not quite sure which is worse, being out-of-cash or being
out-of-luck. The truth of the matter is, no matter how much cash you 
have on hand if there are no more shirts left, you are simply 
out-of-luck. 

A long time ago, I faced the simple truth that money cannot buy
everything. I might be able to rent a little bit of happiness but it 
does not last forever. I have learned that the most important thing in 
life is to be balanced. Too much of anything, even a good thing, can 
really be harmful. 

This must be what Solomon had in mind when he wrote, "Remove far from me
vanity and lies: give me neither poverty nor riches; feed me with food 
convenient for me: Lest I be full, and deny thee, and say, Who is the 
LORD? or lest I be poor, and steal, and take the name of my God in 
vain" (Proverbs 30:8-9 KJV). 

The problem today is not that we do not have enough; we simply are not
thankful enough for what we have. 


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