The great yard sale conspiracy (standard:humor, 907 words)
Author: Godspenman	Added: Jun 05 2011	Views/Reads: 2673/0	Story vote: 0.00 (0 votes)
Most things in life are not always as they seem. For some reason one person will say one thing and the person hearing will hear something altogether different. This appears to be the case between the Gracious Mistress of the Parsonage and Yours Truly.

Most things in life are not always as they seem. For some reason one
person will say one thing and the person hearing will hear something 
altogether different. This appears to be the case between the Gracious 
Mistress of the Parsonage and Yours Truly. 

One of the most frequent comments around our residence is, "Did you hear
what I just said?" 

Of course, that does not really bother me. What does bother me is when I
answer in the affirmative, she will reply by saying, "What did I just 
say?" 

It is not that I do not hear what she says; I'm just not listening to
what she says. There is a big difference between hearing and listening. 
I hear many things but I certainly do not pay attention to most of it. 
If you would listen to most of the stuff said these days, not much of 
it is worth listening to, at least for long. 

This illustrates the basic difference between a husband and wife. A
husband always says what he means; but the wife always means what she 
says. Complication comes when the husband does not understand what she 
says and it is almost as if they are using a different language or at 
least a code most husbands are not privy to. 

The problem is the most people do not say what they mean. 

When someone says they are having a Garage Sale they do not mean they
are going to sell their garage. In fact, they do not even mean that 
they are going to sell things from their garage. What they do mean is 
they plan to jam their garage full of junk to sell to unsuspecting 
customers. Most of what sells at a garage sale has nothing whatsoever 
to do with the garage. In fact, only half of what they are selling can 
fit into the garage while the rest spills out into the driveway. 

The same thing goes with a Yard Sale. When somebody advertises they are
going to have a Yard Sale they have no intention whatsoever of selling 
their yard. What they are going to do is pile their yard full of junk 
they do not want and sell to customers who will in turn put it in their 
yard sale next week. 

When it comes to Yard Sales, I think there is only a certain amount of
items that keep circulating throughout the community. 

I once had an easy chair that I did not want anymore and set it out by
the street. It was badly broken and I did not have the time to run it 
over to the dump. By next morning, my chair was gone. Two nights later, 
it appeared out in front of the house five doors down. The next morning 
it was gone only to reappear five more doors down two days later. I 
believe that chair is still circulating through the community. 

If people were honest in what they were doing, they would put up a sign
that says, "Junk for Sale." I did see a sign on the thrift store once 
that said, "We buy junk and sell treasures." 

For some reason people think that, if they buy something at a yard sale
it must be a treasure. But the way I think is this, if somebody has 
something in his or her yard sale to sell at a greatly discounted price 
how good could it be? 

This brings me back to the hearing and listening dilemma. I got up last
Friday morning, as usual, and discovered that the other resident of our 
house was missing. I went to the kitchen and found a little note that 
said, "Make your own breakfast I'm at our daughter's yard sale." 

At first, I did not quite get it. Then I remembered sometime during the
week there was some mention about a yard sale on Friday. But I was not 
listening. After all, what in the world do I have to do with a yard 
sale? 

I had a cup of coffee and then went back to the bedroom to get dressed
for the day. I went to the closet looking for one of my favorite shirts 
to wear for the day. I could not find it. 

I then tried to find my favorite sneakers I have had for 29 years. It is
taken that long just to break them into where they are comfortable to 
wear. As with my favorite shirt, my shoes were nowhere to be found. 

Some books I have had for years were missing along with some other
personal items. I was beginning to think we had been robbed. What 
robber would steal such things? It would have to be a rather desperate 
person to do that kind of cherry picking during a robbery. 

Then a thought grabbed hold of my mind with the ferocity of a mama
grizzly. If I recollect correctly, she was talking about these things 
in the same context as the yard sale at our daughter's place. She 
wouldn't! 

Later that afternoon she came home, handed me $3.78, and said, "Here's
your share of the yard sale." 

Not listening to what you are hearing carries an awful price. 

The Bible is faithful in warning us, "He that hath an ear, let him hear
what the Spirit saith unto the churches" (Revelation 3:6 KJV). 

God always says what He means and means what He says. 


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