Burnt Offerings (standard:humor, 2306 words)
Author: Kirk	Added: Jul 06 2006	Views/Reads: 3201/2301	Story vote: 0.00 (0 votes)
A short 'How To' for the weekend Dad on nutrition from a verteran weekend Dads point of view.

In this world today there exists men that work hard earning as much
money as they can to support themselves, their Ex, and still have 
enough left over to make the child support payments on a monthly basis. 
Weekdays find these men working double shifts and cleaning their small 
apartments in anticipation of the two days of the week that set them 
apart from their brethren. 

They come from every walk of life, from garbage men to bookies to Green
Berets. These are no ordinary men, folks. They'll forgo a night at the 
ballpark, a date with the new office clerk, or cards at Moe's all in 
the name of being a weekend Dad. 

Are you one of those weekend warriors? 

I'm not. 

I mean I do get my kid on the weekends, but who says I have to put my
entire life on hold? Sure I work two jobs during the week to meet my 
monetary obligations, but my free time is precious and sharing it with 
my child is important, but not all consuming. That's what they invented 
TV and Playstation for. One thing I found out was that nutrition is a 
big part of raising your child, but it can take up most of your day. 
You need eggs and fish and beef and green vegetables not to mention 
fruit and potatoes and rice, which constitutes only a small portion of 
the food needed to provide balanced nutrition for your child. 

Our brand of weekend warrior doesn't have time for making three squares
a day. Leave that for the Ex. She has plenty of time for that when 
she's not cashing the alimony check. 

What our type of weekend warrior needs is a simple guide to nutrition
that insures quick and easy meals thus freeing up as much time as 
possible for fun with our kids as well as that new office clerk. 

Folks, I've raised four kids from toddlers to teens as a weekend Dad.
Through trial and error I've managed to come up with the best and the 
worst we warriors can dish out. So if you find yourself in the same 
predicament and really want to get in on that game at Moe's, I'm here 
to help. 

SAFETY: 

Now before we begin, we should talk about safety in the kitchen. Time
after time, catastrophe nearly struck as I was unprepared for what 
should have been foreseeable. 

*If you have wee toddlers, never leave a pot handle hanging over the
edge of a stove. They go for it as soon as you turn your head. Put a 
child lock on the oven door, for obvious reasons, and always keep your 
cup of beer away from their cup of juice. 

*For fire safety, I suggest a 200lb. CO2 canister loaded on a hand
truck. It's mobile and you won't have to fill it after every use. It's 
great for the kitchen as well as any outdoor grilling debacle. 

*Make sure the Poison Control Center number is written in large numbers
on the wall by the phone for those occasions when your contacts are out 
and the kid finds your cup of beer. 

*Use microwave safe plastic plates and bowls so when junior's or little
miss's meal winds up on the wall, there's no need for searching for 
errant shards of glass or pottery that most certainly will become 
imbedded in the bottom of your foot by Wednesday. 

*If the toddler is still using a high chair, make sure they're securely
seated in it. You don't want them slipping free and drinking your beer 
while you're on the phone with the office clerk. If that occurs, see 
two steps above and buy extra duct tape to hold them in the chair the 
next time. 

*Always make sure... 

...No really, duct tape works great... 

*Always make sure that all foods are either precooked or served fresh.


Click here to read the rest of this story (192 more lines)