Touch My Coffee And You Die (standard:humor, 904 words)
Author: Godspenman	Added: Mar 17 2024	Views/Reads: 393/224	Story vote: 0.00 (0 votes)
No matter how big a fire is, it always starts with a small flame.

Recently, illegitimate aliens of the worst kind have invaded our house
illegally. 

It came to a head just the other day when we were sitting down to lunch,
and The Gracious Mistress of the Parsonage had a lovely bowl of tomato 
soup. I forgot what I was eating because all the attention went to her 
bowl. 

As I was eating my lunch, I glanced over at her bowl of tomato soup. The
top of it was covered with little black dots of some sort. Looking at 
it, I asked her, “Oh, my dear, what kind of soup are you eating today?” 


She looked down at her soup, and her world came to a crashing end. She
jumped up and yelled, but I had no idea what was happening. 

Looking at her soup again, I noticed that those little black dots were
swimming around in it. As I looked closely, I noticed they were the 
tiniest little bugs I had ever seen, but there they were, swimming 
cheerfully in her soup. 

Being the affectionate husband I am, I laughed uncontrollably as I
pointed to her soup. “You do make the best soup in town.” And then I 
laughed some more. 

Looking at her, I noticed she was not laughing. She was doing the
opposite of laughing, so I had to calm down just a bit. 

I don't believe in karma. I think it's a bunch of knucklehead idiocy.
But in my experience, I have had things come back on me in a very 
alarming way. I wasn't thinking of that as I was making fun of The 
Gracious Mistress of the Parsonage and her bug-infected tomato soup. 

That was just the beginning. From then on, the bugs were everywhere in
our house. Whenever I saw a bug, I would look at The Gracious Mistress 
of the Parsonage and say, “Do you want this one for your tomato soup?” 

For some reason, I'm not sure why, she didn't find any of that very
funny. 

But things were about to change. 

Those bugs flew around my head, and one landed on my nose. Not thinking,
which is my MO, I smacked that bug with my right hand as hard as 
possible. Of course, I did not consider that the bug was as small as it 
was, and it was on my nose. I'm unsure if I hurt the bug, but my nose 
began to bleed. 

The Gracious Mistress of the Parsonage caught me and said with a little
smirk, “Are you having fun playing with your little bug friends?” 

I wouldn't say this out loud in her presence, but I deserved that. 

The next incident was a bunch of those bugs flying up my nose. I sneezed
17 times, and the bugs went everywhere in the room. 

Laughing at me again, The Gracious Mistress of the Parsonage said, “The
next time you sneeze cover your nose and mouth with your hand.” I think 
she was having a giggle attack at the time. 

Later that afternoon, the bugs were still flying all around. As I sat in
my easy chair drinking coffee, I noticed bugs flying around my coffee. 

I grabbed my coffee and shouted to those illegitimate aliens, “Touch my
coffee and you die!” 

I'm okay if they spoil the tomato soup, but my coffee is an entirely
different situation. Something about my coffee prohibits these 
illegitimate aliens from drinking it. 

Where these illegitimate aliens come from and how they got in our house,
is a mystery to me. 

For example, the cats on the porch are allowed to look in our house, but
they're not allowed to be in our house. The Gracious Mistress of the 


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