Mr. Cold, Please Go Away (standard:humor, 903 words)
Author: Godspenman	Added: Jan 30 2022	Views/Reads: 892/583	Story vote: 0.00 (0 votes)
Who knows, maybe someday somebody will figure out how to send Mr. Cold back to his home.

The older I get, the more allergic I am to cold. So whenever the
temperature dips below my age number, that is too cold for me. 

I know some people relish the cold; that person is not me.. 

There are some things that I enjoy being cold. I like my iced tea to be
very cold, making it rather delicious. So whenever I drink any soda 
(please don't let the Gracious Mistress of the Parsonage know), I like 
it very cold. The colder, the better as far as I'm concerned. 

I will not mention any names that I like to give the cold shoulder to.
And, from the other side of the situation, some people give me a very 
cold shoulder. 

Lately, it's been rather cold in our neighborhood. I live in Florida,
and the expectation is that it will never get cold. So I'm thinking of 
suing the governor of Florida because the government says that Florida 
is the sunshine state. 

To walk out of my front door in the morning and start shivering is not
my idea of the sunshine state. I want to bask in the heavenly delight 
of the sun shining on me. I'm getting too old to shiver very long. 

Being cold is not something I enjoy. The older I get, the less I can
tolerate cold weather. I believe it should be illegal for any cold 
weather to penetrate the sunshine state of Florida. Where are those 
politicians when we need them? 

I know that cold weather does have its purpose, but I haven't found that
purpose in my life yet. When I was younger, it wasn't so bad. I lived 
up north, where it snowed a lot, and as a young person, I loved playing 
in the snow. We did what was called snow angels, and I enjoyed that. 

Today, however, there is nothing angelic to me about snow. I love snow
cones, but that's an entirely different situation. I also love ice cold 
ice cream on my Apple pie. 

Even here in Florida, the temperature sometimes dips below my comfort
zone. But, as I said, shivering is not my favorite exercise. When the 
temperature goes down, I don't go out. 

With the Gracious Mistress of the Parsonage it is a different story. She
is from the state of New York, where they invented freezing weather. 

When the temperature goes up in our home, she is not happy. When the
temperature goes down, I'm not happy. Fortunately, we can meet in the 
middle and be happy. 

One of the friendly little arguments that we have in the parsonage is,
“Will there be snow in heaven?” 

She has this long argument proving that there will be snow in heaven
because God created snow. “To me,” she will argue, “snowflakes look 
like angels.” I can't argue against that because I don't know what 
angels look like. 

Then she will tell me about those “snow angels” that she and her
siblings used to do when it snowed. So I can't argue against that. 

I hate to admit it again, but she won that argument. 

Then she threw a curveball at me and said, “Don't you know that the
other place than heaven is hot?” 

Okay. She got me; what else can I do or say? 

I still am not too friendly with cold, and I want to do everything I can
to invite Mr. Cold to go back to his home, wherever that might be. 

I know there is nothing I can do about the cold weather. But that does
not mean I don't try. 

Every morning, during this cold season, I get up, go outside, shake my
fist in the air and say as hot as I can, “Mr. Cold, go home and don't 
come back.” Then I give him my infamous grimace and stick out my 


Click here to read the rest of this story (37 more lines)