Getting Away With It Is Half the Fun (standard:humor, 901 words)
Author: Godspenman	Added: Sep 20 2020	Views/Reads: 1237/929	Story vote: 0.00 (0 votes)
Try as we might, our sin will finally catch up with us.

I must admit I don't get away with very much, and I never have. It's not
that I never try. It's just that whenever I try to get away with 
something, it always backfires. 

I wish there were a class somewhere entitled, "How You Can Get Away with
Anything." I certainly would sign up. But I haven't found it yet. 

Every time I do something behind the Gracious Mistress of the
Parsonage's back, she always turns around. I don't know if she has eyes 
in the back of her head or if it's just women's intuition. Believe me, 
I will not investigate this subject. 

The many times she has fooled me is beyond calculation. I am probably
the easiest person to fool in all the world. A salesman, I am not. 

As a kid, I made little dishes out of popsicle sticks. Then I went
around the neighborhood to try to sell them. My sales pitch was, "You 
don't want to buy one of these, do you?" 

I didn't sell any. 

I complained to my mother, and she said, "You need to try again. Maybe
this time it will work." 

The next day I put together my material and went door to door in the
neighborhood. Much to my surprise, everybody bought one of my little 
dishes. 

I went home very excited and told my mother how many I sold. In the next
couple of days, I worked to produce these little popsicle dishes. As I 
was working on them, I was whistling and sometimes singing. 

Years later, I discovered the real story. Remember, Paul Harvey, who
used to say, "Now for the rest of the story." 

Behind my back, my mother called all the neighbors, up and down our
street explaining the situation and asked them to purchase one of my 
popsicle dishes. I don't know this for sure, but she may have paid them 
to do that. I've never been able to find out the truth. 

If you can't put one over on me, you might as well hang up your boots
and go to bed. 

During this "in-house season," the Gracious Mistress of the Parsonage
put me on a diet. What am I to do? I'm not allowed in the kitchen 
because of the catastrophe that happened the last time I was in the 
kitchen. Don't ask. 

She put together a diet for me that was supposed to be very healthy. 

My diet is simply anything I can get into my mouth at the time. Barring,
of course, vegetables. Her diet composed of nothing but vegetables. 

Her idea is I am a little bit overweight. I then remind her of my
favorite Bible verse that says, “all the fat is the Lord's” (Leviticus 
3:16). When I quote this verse, I always smile, and counter it with a 
grimace I cannot overcome. 

She will pat my stomach and say, “That's not what that verse means.” 

Never argue with a wife, especially your wife. 

All the cookies have been eradicated from our premises. Believe me, I've
searched everywhere and I have not found one cookie crumb. 

She made a mistake the other day. As we were sitting down to watch a
little TV, she brought over one cookie and said, "Since you have been 
good with your diet, here is your reward." 

I wish she would not have done that. Once I start something, I have an
obsession with completing it. And believe me, when I say, one cookie 
doesn't complete the obsession. 

I smiled and thanked her and graciously munched on the cookie. 



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