Ready, Set, Now Go for It (standard:humor, 905 words)
Author: Godspenman	Added: May 29 2016	Views/Reads: 2203/1494	Story vote: 0.00 (0 votes)
I am poised, and ready to face the summer with all the loafing I can experience.

As far as I'm concerned, summer is the best time of the year. I look
forward to it while withstanding the chilly shivers of wintertime and 
the erratic damp weather of spring. Summer is my time of year! 

I guess the reason it takes so long for summer to get here is that it
takes an awful long time to get ready for this wonderful thing called 
summer time. 

Why is it we work so hard during the wintertime and then when summer
comes the plague of laziness seems to spread abroad? Actually, I think 
I have earned that lazy spell so associated with summer. 

This is where the Gracious Mistress of the Parsonage and I cross swords.


For some reason she believes summer is the time to catch up on all the
work around the house. There is yard work to be done. The garage needs 
to be cleaned out and reorganized. That is only the start. Thinking 
about all that stuff makes me tired. 

I will not say she is a “workaholic,” at least out loud. Her saying is,
“Early to bed and early to rise gives you plenty of time to work.” 

And boy, does she work. I am exhausted and wore out just thinking about
all the work she does. If anybody gets things done, she does. In fact, 
she gets some things done that don't have to be done. At least from my 
calculation. 

My philosophy along this line is, “The harder you work the quicker old
age catches up with you.” If that is true, and I am hoping it is, old 
age will never catch me. 

The difference between my wife and I is simple, I believe summer is the
time to catch up on all the loafing missed during the wintertime. It is 
important, at least from my perspective, that we do not get behind on 
our loafing. You can never engage in too much loafing, from my 
experience. 

Yard work will always be there. A dirty garage will always be dirty no
matter how many times you clean it. Loafing is a very different thing. 
It is a very religious aspect of life. By that I mean, loafing is a way 
to respect your body. I have a lot of respect for my body. 

As we begin the first stage of summer, I want to get ready to exercise
as much loafing as I possibly can. 

Loafing has several stages to it. 

The first stage is just doing nothing. I have graduated with high honors
at this stage. It took me a lot of hard work to get to this point of 
mastering the art of doing nothing. And I must say I have mastered it 
quite well. 

My wife will ask me on a lazy summer afternoon, “What in the world are
you doing?” 

My reply is simple, “I'm doing nothing.” 

Then she says rather sarcastically, “You're doing a wonderful job.” 

I thank her and go on doing nothing. 

Another stage of loafing is doing things you enjoy doing. 

My wife wants to convince me that doing yard work is something we can
enjoy doing together. I certainly do not enjoy working hard, sweating 
and getting tired. Those three things do not go very well with my idea 
of enjoying myself. 

She enjoys working, slaving away and sweating. She gets up early, works
so hard, and needs a shower before breakfast while I am just getting my 
peepers to unpeep. As long as she has a smile and is enjoying herself, 
I will never interfere. 

What I do object to is her assuming that what she enjoys doing is what I


Click here to read the rest of this story (35 more lines)