What did the bugs do before I came? (standard:humor, 907 words)
Author: Godspenman	Added: Aug 24 2014	Views/Reads: 2149/3	Story vote: 0.00 (0 votes)
So many things in this world bug me, but I have something greater to look forward to, a place called heaven.

The Gracious Mistress of the Parsonage and Yours Truly finally exercised
our right to a vacation and planned for a whole week to spend with our 
son and his family. Preparing for a week vacation takes about six weeks 
prior to the vacation and then six weeks after the vacation to get 
caught up. I do not know how people take vacations all the time. 

It was to be a great week of relaxing and spending time with our son and
his family in the state of Ohio. Ohio is remarkable for a lot of things 
but when my wife and I think of Ohio we think of one thing: our 
grandchildren. 

Someone once remarked that grandchildren was God's way of apologizing
for our children. Maybe that is so, I do not know. If so, I gladly 
accept His apology. All I know is it is wonderful to spend time with 
grandchildren. The important thing about being a grandparent is 
discovering the skills necessary to adequately spoil your grandchildren 
within a week's time frame. Secretly, my plan is to get back at my 
children for their childhood in my home by spoiling my grandchildren in 
their home. 

Revenge is sweet and wonderful. 

It was about the middle of the week and my wife and I were sitting
outside enjoying the cool weather. All of the grandchildren had been 
snuggled down into their beds for the night. It certainly is tiring to 
spend the day with grandchildren who have no shortage of energy and 
whose tongue is a well oiled machine and does not know how to be quiet. 


Our ears were still tingling from the day's childish verbiage
extravaganza. 

We were sitting in the backyard sipping some hot coffee, enjoying the
quiet evening when I heard this buzzing sound on the left side of my 
head. Automatically my hand swatted in that area and I went on drinking 
my coffee as though nothing had happened. I thought perhaps the kids 
were still up or maybe it was a flashback from the afternoon. 

My wife looked at me as though something weird happened, but we
continued enjoying the evening atmosphere with only the soothing sounds 
of sipping coffee. 

Then I heard the buzzing sound again. This time it was on the other side
of my head and as I swatted I began to realize what was happening. All 
of the bugs in the state of Ohio had received a memo that I was 
vacationing in the state. In well organized shifts they began the 
welcoming process. Within a short time I was swatting bugs with both 
hands which did not seem to change the situation at hand. 

I know I am a sweet person, but this was becoming ridiculous. I would
like to retain my sweetness for something other than bugs. 

I am not quite sure how many bug bites I received that night, I stopped
counting at 2,973,442 bites. I am not quite certain, but it was feeling 
more like it had exceeded 3 million bites. If I had a penny for every 
bug bite I would buy some very expensive bug repellent. 

It seemed like they were working in shifts and it got to the point where
my mind shifted into a murder scenario. Is it a crime to murder a bug 
who has bitten me so many times? Of course the real question is, is it 
really murder? Could it be considered a mercy killing? 

And if it is murder, what is the penalty for murdering a bug? I was at
the point that I would gladly have paid handsomely for the privilege of 
putting some bugs to rest. 

As a spiritually minded person, I wondered if bugs go to heaven when
they die? If they go to heaven, do they continue to bite? And, would it 
be proper for an angel to swat a bug in heaven? 

The mood I was in, after being bitten so many times by these lousy bugs,
I had an opposite destination in mind. Since they like fire so much and 
are attracted to it, I would be glad to accommodate them. I know a 
place that would fit the situation quite well. 

After two hours of fighting these stinking bugs, my sanity, as fragile
as it is, was on the brink of collapsing. Once my sanity collapses I am 
not responsible for what I will do or say. It was hard to find a place 
on my body one finger wide where a bug had not tasted the delicacy of 
my sweet skin. 

One question I reflected on was simply, what did the bugs do before I
arrived? Did they save up all their energy for when I would come and 
visit? This is not the kind of celebrity status I am seeking. My 
preference is to be anonymous to all the bugs in Ohio. 

All of these insects, whatever they were, were simply bugging me to
death. 

When I regained some composure, I thought about what it must have been
like for Jesus to come into this world. The writer of Hebrews puts it 
this way, “So Christ was once offered to bear the sins of many; and 
unto them that look for him shall he appear the second time without sin 
unto salvation” (Hebrews 9:28). 

So many things in this world bug me, but I have something greater to
look forward to, a place called heaven. 


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