The Guardians of Freedom - Part 7 (standard:other, 8739 words) [7/7] show all parts
Author: Dan Tana	Added: Jun 14 2012	Views/Reads: 2074/1791	Part vote: 0.00 (0 votes)
The Sovocratic Alliance has freed the people of this world from all types of criminal government, but Teddy's mission to protect, educate, and amuse us still continues.

Click here to read the first 75 lines of the story

into any of the mathematical or verbal languages that you comprehend.  
One central element of that formula may be imperfectly and incompletely 
described by the word 'sapience', which refers to a being's capacity to 
think abstractly and consider its own existence, though it is not so 
simple as to say that a being is a person only when it is sapient.  
According to the parameters of this equation the quality of personhood 
continues to exist even when someone is in a deep, dreamless, 
temporarily non-sapient coma, and is present in a human-like being from 
the time that it is conceived as a single-celled, pre-sapient zygote 

The majority of you now accept this idea that personhood begins in
humans at conception and continues uninterrupted until the end of all 
sapient mentality, even though most of you possess a sensible 
skepticism of that unproven assertion - which makes me very proud of 
you, by the way, because none of us really knows whether or not that 
conclusion is correct - because you realize that you cannot be certain 
of when personhood does begin or end, and so you choose to respect the 
potential personhood of such a being at every possible opportunity. 

This mention of the personhood of human zygotes has left some of you
wondering what the Goo think about the act of terminating human 
pregnancies, most assuming that they must object to that practice 
because they believe that it ends the life of a fellow person.  But 
that is an incorrect, oversimplified assessment of this complex issue. 

To clearly comprehend this matter it is first essential to recognize
that honoring a mother's choice to terminate her pregnancy by 
surgically separating her from the child is not at all the same thing 
as using some chemical or mechanical process to destroy the life of 
that child. 

This basic fact has long been obscured and overlooked by people who
refer to themselves as either 'pro-life' or 'pro-choice' - people who 
rely upon the incorrect assumption that each of these positions is the 
fundamental opposite of the other to mask their own anti-choice or 
anti-life inclinations, so that they can condemn a woman's decision to 
end her pregnancy in a manner that does not harm the child, or condone 
the practice of destroying a perfectly healthy, viable, partially-born 
baby just because she wants it to die.  But most of you now realize the 
irrationality of that false dichotomy, and no longer tolerate any of 
its consequent atrocities. 

You understand that the real issue arises in only those cases where
people lack the medical technology necessary to abort a particular 
pregnancy in such a way that it will not cause some kind of injury to 
the child.  In such cases the well-being of the mother may genuinely 
oppose that of the child, creating a conflict that can be resolved 
according to the same principles that allow our society to resolve any 
conflict between the wishes or well-being of two different, sovereign 
people. 

Ordinarily one person is not required to sacrifice its own happiness to
benefit another, but when a person is responsible for harming or 
endangering the well-being of someone else the freedom of that first 
person may be justly limited in order to mitigate or undo the damage 
caused by that initial injustice.  So when the mother is responsible 
for putting the child into that position in which its well-being 
depends on her continued support she is obligated to continue to 
provide that support until that danger to her completely innocent 
victim is past, which means that she would not be allowed to terminate 
her pregnancy until the child is able to survive on its own. 

But that conclusion does not resolve this matter completely, because of
the fact that the child might be better off dead.  Almost all of you 
now accept the practice of euthanasia, because you are not so 
horrifically cruel and devoid of compassion that you could want to deny 
a suffering person relief from its chronic torment.  And for a person 
who lacks the mental capacity to make decisions about such things for 
itself the choice to benevolently end its life would fall to its 
personal decision-proxies. 

So even when they may not choose to terminate a pregnancy for their own
sake the parents of an unborn child might decide to kill it, 
mercifully, in order to save it from an entire lifetime of suffering.  
But someone else must make that decision, of course, if all of those 
parents are unqualified to bear the responsibility of making such a 
choice.  And perhaps paradoxically, anyone who would create a child 
when it believes that the best thing for a child is to not bring it 
into this world is almost certainly too dim-witted or too irresponsibly 
selfish to be the decision-proxy of a mentally incompetent person. 

I see that a few of you are now thinking that this endorsement of
euthanasia is evidence of my own anti-life sentiment.  And you are not 
wrong about that.  You are quite mistaken, however, if you assume that 
a person must choose either to be categorically in favor of or opposed 
to such things as the continuation of life, or the freedom of choice, 
or anything else, without exception and regardless of circumstance. 

That is all that I am going to say about this subject, at this time,
until I have had the chance to given some more thought to the matter.  
So I am going to move on now to another topic, also quite 
controversial, which also concerns the creation of children. 

I am referring to the issue of how to limit the population of your world
to a level that may be sustained comfortably by the Earth's limited 
natural resources.  The economic system currently employed by the 
people of this world requires anyone who uses these resources during a 
particular period of time to pay into a fund that is then divided 
equally among all the people who live here, giving each person the 
means to obtain a share of resources that is equal to the average used 
per person.  Once you gave up that primitive pretense that certain 
people own certain things most of you readily agreed with the basic 
sensibility of such a system.  But then some disagreement arose over 
the way in which to deal with those people who make more people. 

Some argued that the people who are responsible for increasing the
world's population by creating a child must pay into the resource usage 
fund an additional amount of money, beyond that which they pay for 
their use of resources, equal in total to the amount that that child 
will receive as its share of the fund.  In this way those innocent 
people who bear no responsibility for the creation of that child do not 
have their share of the total monies spent on the use of resources 
proportionately diminished. 

Others argued that they should be able to make as many children as they
wish without in any way compensating everyone else for the drain that 
these children put on this planet's finite resources. 

As the citizens of Earth debated this issue a new race of people
emerged, as most of you recall, evolving from a group of mutant 
marmosets.  This species of Marmo Sapiens possesses an average 
intelligence equal to that of human beings, but despite their 
substantial intellect most of them lacked the foresight and sensibility 
to not overpopulate this planet.  And due to their incredibly fast 
maturation and gestation rates they are able to produce a new litter of 
offspring every week. 

Over the ensuing months their numbers grew exponentially.  Vast,
sprawling slums spread across the face of your world as generation 
after generation of very short-lived human-like people cast hoards of 
helpless children into miserable lives of supreme poverty.  Though they 
each took very little from this world, because they had so very little 
to take, the cumulative consumption of these people began to severely 
tax the planet's resources, not only threatening the survival of their 
own species but endangering the welfare of humanity as well. 

And then, finally, when confronted by the imminent disaster of this
scenario, the vast majority of Earthlings were able to recognize the 
imprudence of allowing those people who make more people to do so at 
the expense of other people who already exist.  So you agreed that the 
people responsible for creating each child will have to pay for the 
share of resource allocation monies that that child will receive, which 
has encouraged people to be more thoughtful and careful about their 
reproduction, and helped to reduce the population of sapient beings in 
this world to a more sustainable level. 

That ends this substantial digression from my original topic of
discussion.  But I am not going to return now to that previous topic, 
because it is no longer necessary for me to explain the nature of 
criminal government and to rally you Earthlings to fight against such 
institutionalized villainy, which pleases me greatly, quite frankly, 
because I was getting rather tired of going on and on about that.  And 
I can see that many of you are tired of hearing about it.  So the 
remainder of this story will deal with other things. 

At this time I believe that I can amuse most of you by relaying the tale
of Samantha Becket.  Of course I will stop transmitting this narrative 
to those of you who do not wish to hear it, as soon as I see in your 
mind the desire for it to end. 

The first significant event in Samantha's life occurred on the day that
she was born, when her biological parents were murdered.  She was 
subsequently raised in a series of foster homes.  In one of those homes 
she formed a very close friendship with another orphan.  Then a little 
orphan boy with homicidal tendencies killed that friend, shooting her 
in the head with a slingshot stone right in front of Samantha. 

In the years that followed this incident she did not see that killer
again.  During this time Samantha dedicated her life to the task of 
developing her physical and mental abilities, honing her skills as a 
detective and martial artist so that she would be well equipped to 
spend her life fighting crime.  She studied and trained obsessively, 
neglecting all else, until she had pushed her body and mind to nearly 
superhuman levels. 

Then she made a black and gray costume with a cape and pointy-eared
mask, dressed up in that impractical attire, and set out into the night 
to fight the villains who prowled her city.  From a rooftop perch she 
soon spotted a woman being mugged.  As the assailant ran away she 
sprang into action, leaping down to land right in his path. 

She hit the ground as she had practiced, in a way that would minimize
the impact of that fall.  And in doing so she shattered the bones in 
both of her legs.  Then I happened to walk by and found her lying on 
the pavement.  I called an ambulance and accompanied her to the 
hospital. 

After the doctors were done operating on her I went to see Samantha and
observed in her mind the belief that her obsessive training and 
complete devotion to the cause of heroism would somehow enable her to 
perform actions that exceed the basic limits of her human nature.  She 
had picked up this notion from exposure to those intrinsically 
inconsistent stories where such things happen, which are told in many 
comic books and cartoons. 

Some of you really like that kind of story, because it excites you to
think that people just like you, without any extraordinary power, are 
able to routinely accomplish such dramatic and fantastic exploits.  But 
unfortunately for Samantha, that author from whose mind I have scanned 
this particular story is one of those people who find it unamusing, 
somehow disappointing or even vaguely disconcerting when those 
characters who are supposed to not possess any superhuman ability are 
able to act as if they do.  So he has set this tale in a reality where 
that does not occur. 

When I shared this information with Samantha she initially resisted the
understanding of its implication, saying to me that nobody knows 
exactly what it is possible for a human being to accomplish.  I 
immediately responded to that objection by agreeing with it.  Then I 
explained to her that even if it is true that we are living in a 
universe where nothing is truly impossible, there are still some 
possibilities that she just does not know how to manifest as reality 
through the operation of her human body and mind. 

Then she allowed herself to comprehend what I was saying, and became
very upset.  So I tried to cheer her up by reminding her that she can 
still be a hero as a normal human being.  She can even be a superhero, 
if that is what she wants to call herself.  She just can't be a 
superhuman hero.  So she must find some other way to fight crime, using 
whatever abilities she actually does possess. 

After that she asked me to leave, because she wanted to get some rest. 
And then she was taken to undergo a new, experimental form of medical 
scan, during which a sudden power surge caused the machine to emit an 
unusually high level of radiation that excited the molecules in the 
contrast die that had been injected into her body, causing that 
chemical to mutate her DNA and restructure her neurons, giving her an 
incredible superhuman ability. 

I can see that many of you find that sudden, extraordinary occurrence to
be quite farfetched, and almost absurdly contrived.  And I certainly do 
agree with that assessment.  But I also recognize that this 
preposterous occurrence does not contradict its own basic premise in 
any way.  So it does not disappoint or disconcert me at all.  In fact, 
I find such a ridiculously implausible and comical turn of events to be 
quite amusing. 

On the day after that accident Samantha picked up a cup of water from
the table next to her bed, bringing it to her lips to take a drink.  As 
she sipped from that cup it slipped from her fingers and spilled all 
over her.  In that instant she instinctively wished that she could 
somehow stop herself from having that accident.  And then a rainbow of 
swirling colors obscured her vision while a quiet buzzing sound filled 
her ears.  She smelled and tasted something that reminded her of 
blueberries, and felt as if all of her skin had been wrapped up in a 
cocoon of silky, soft fur. 

That odd experience ended after an indeterminate period of time.  Then
Samantha noticed that everything around her was precisely as it had 
been in the moment before she lost her grip on that cup.  The only 
noticeable difference in the state of the universe between these two 
moments was that this time she possessed a memory of having that 
accident, which enabled her to avoid it. 

Samantha then tried to repeat this strange experience, and succeeded. 
After a bit of experimentation she concluded that she has the power to 
rewind time, returning everything in the universe except for her own 
mind to a previous state. 

But she does not really have such immense power.  In fact, her capacity
to affect the condition of reality is no greater than that of a normal 
human being.  But there is a very significant difference in how her 
mind works, and how she perceives her existence, which is the basis of 
her incredible ability. 

It turns out that the accident in that scanning machine destroyed all of
the connections between the cells of her nervous system, and made it 
possible for them to form virtual synapses by stimulating each other 
with pulses of some form of energy for which you Earthlings have no 
name.  All of the mental functions that form the contents of her mind 
are now produced by this dynamic, immaterial brain-construct that is 
formed by the energy synapses created spontaneously, as needed, by her 
physical nerve cells.  This extraordinary mind is able to create large 
quantities of thought very quickly, processing each second of 
experienced time in only a fraction of a real second. 

Samantha's virtual brain does not receive any signals from her sensory
organs, nor send any neural impulses out to the tissues of her body.  
Instead she experiences her existence using a kind of mental radar 
sense.  At each moment her mind projects a portion of its energy in a 
pattern that represents her reaction to what she is experiencing, as a 
typical brain would transmit nervous impulses and release messenger 
chemicals into the body.  And then that mental signal reflects off of 
the elemental waveform of all energy potentials that exist at that 
moment, which encompasses the unrealized states of every possible 
future that she might create with the actions that she could perform 
between the actual present and that future moment. 

When the echo of this projection returns to her it carries with it all
of the information that normal human senses would detect in the future 
moment that will come to exist if she performs the actions that are 
represented by the projections that she has made.  As her brain 
receives this information Samantha's consciousness experiences the 
events of that potential future as if they are actually happening.  And 
in each moment of real time the residue of all the energy that she has 
projected in the past stimulates her muscles and other tissues so that 
they carry out those actions that she believed she was performing when 
sensing this moment. 

When Samantha wishes to change something that she has experienced her
brain emits an interference pattern that nullifies some of the energy 
that she previously projected, so that it will not cause her to perform 
the actions that would result in the occurrence of that undesirable 
future.  She then begins to experience the future that will occur if 
she makes some different choices, influenced by her knowledge of the 
consequences of those previously explored options, starting at the 
point in time to which she wished to return. 

For the sake of convenience and clarity I have explained Samantha's
actual ability at this point in the narrative, but I did not learn 
about it until the next time that I visited my native dimension, where 
it is possible to see many things that are not apparent in a place such 
as this.  The temporal constraints of this dimension make it impossible 
for my mind-scanner to detect any thoughts, memories, or perceptions 
that were formed in her mind after she experienced the events of the 
present moment, which means that from here it looks to me as it does to 
her, as if she experiences each moment when it occurs and has the power 
to move her consciousness back in time to change past events. 

After recovering from her injuries Samantha adopted the name Flashback,
replaced her original costume with a simpler, less ostentatious outfit, 
and promptly resumed her life as a fighter of crime. 

A few days later she and my friend Devon Walker - the hero called
Monstrosity - went out to search for criminals to apprehend.  Around 
midnight they discovered a man lurking in a dark, dead-end alley, 
peering into the bedroom window of an apparently unsuspecting woman. 

Before confronting this prowler Monstrosity formed some of the amorphous
tissue in his back into several insect-like creatures, each 
approximately six inches in length and possessing a large, round, 
translucent abdominal section.  These creations crawled out from 
between the plates of his exoskeleton and flew into the alley, stopping 
to hover right above that suspicious figure.  Then their abdomens each 
began to glow with the brightness of a 100-watt incandescent light 
bulb. 

In the light from those giant fireflies Samantha was able to recognize
that prowler as the person who had murdered her friend many years 
before.  He recognized her, as well.  Then, smirking, cruelly, he 
taunted her by asking how her dead friend was doing, pretending that he 
did not know that she had died long ago from that sling shot. 

Flashback clenched her fists and began to slowly advance toward that
man, followed a moment later by Monstrosity.  As they approached he 
drew a knife from his pocket and threatened to stab them if they came 
any closer.  The smaller, more agile Guardian lunged at him, deftly 
grabbing the wrist of the hand that held that knife, and twisted, 
causing the weapon to fall from his grip.  At the same time the larger 
one created a little lizard-like organism from the tissues of his hump. 
 The creature crawled over to that man and bit him in the leg while he 
wrestled with Flashback, injecting paralytic venom that rendered him 
immobile.  Then Monstrosity created some very large spiders that bound 
him from the neck down in a cocoon of their webbing. 

Once their adversary had been defeated Flashback walked over to the
other end of the alley, picked up a rock, and advanced on that helpless 
murderer with the intent of killing him for his crime.  As she did so 
her companion came toward her, reached out a massive, unyielding arm to 
block her path, and asked what she thought that she was doing. 

"Just taking out the trash," she said, and then she ducked underneath
that giant arm and ran toward her intended victim.  In that instant 
Monstrosity gestured at his lizard creation in a motion that indicated 
that he wanted it to bite something, and then he pointed at Flashback.  
As soon as the lizard saw that signal it pounced on the ankle of its 
designated target and delivered a paralyzing bite. 

When she felt her muscles seize up and saw herself falling to the ground
Flashback decided that she did not want that to happen, so the events 
that I have just described to you with that last sentence did not 
really occur.  They are merely one possible sequence of events that she 
experienced before deciding to not perform the actions that would lead 
to that undesired outcome. 

I had initially considered the possibility of telling these parts of the
story with a verb tense that would have immediately conveyed their 
potential yet unrealized nature, but I decided that it might be less 
confusing and perhaps more amusing to relay them as events that seem to 
occur before Flashback decides to make them unreal. 

In a flash of indistinct sensory perception she returned her awareness
to the moment before that venomous little creature bit her.  She then 
sidestepped the attack and continued forward until she had reached her 
target.  There she raised that rock above her head, ready to commit 
murder.  Just then Monstrosity launched a flying needle that impaled 
her in the side, causing her to drop that weapon and fall to the 
ground. 

But that didn't happen either, because after experiencing the pain of
getting stabbed by that living projectile Flashback decided to return 
to a moment before she picked up the rock.  This time she casually 
crossed over to the immobilized captive, giving no sign of her violent 
intention, and waited until the other Guardian looked away for a 
moment.  Then she brutally stomped that man in the head, repeatedly, 
until he was dead. 

When Monstrosity turned around and saw what Flashback had done he was at
first too shocked to speak.  After several long seconds he managed to 
sputter out a single word, "Why?" 

"Because that worthless piece of human garbage deserves to die for what
he did," she answered, angrily. 

"I do not think that you actually believe that," he replied, calmly,
trying to sooth his sense of horror with an unemotional, analytical 
response.  A moment later he continued by saying, "You understand as 
well as I do that what you have just said is not a factual statement.  
It is merely an excuse that some people tell themselves to justify 
their own vengeful desire to kill murderers." 

Flashback frowned when she heard those words, because she did in fact
comprehend that there is no known, objective, realistic basis behind 
the idea that certain people deserve certain things.  But in the next 
instant she shoved that awareness out of her consciousness, choosing to 
pretend that she had killed than man because he deserved that fate, 
rather than admitting that she had done so to indulge her own 
malevolent desire to punish him for what he had done. 

An entire minute passed without any response from Flashback.  Then
Monstrosity spoke again, begging her to undo what she had just done.  
But she refused, insisting that the life of her victim is utterly 
worthless, and should be ended. 

In an attempt to convince her otherwise he began to tell her the story
of another hero, called Void, who had also become a murderer after 
suffering a devastating personal tragedy.  He told her about how I had 
discovered what Void was doing and used a drug to keep him asleep, so 
that he could not harm anyone else, and that I had periodically 
projected an image of myself into his dreams in an attempt to 
rehabilitate him. 

Eventually Void decided that he wanted to be free of the chemical prison
that kept him locked inside of his own imagination, which would not 
happen until he had given up his murderous ways.  So I allowed him to 
wake, having seen the sincerity of his intent to reform.  Then he used 
his ability to project fields of null-energy to alter his brain, 
targeting that power on the neurological patterns of all of the 
emotional responses that he had developed over the course of his life, 
annihilating those patterns in order to exterminate the tormented, 
malevolent, homicidal part of his psyche. 

That returned him to a state of complete emotional innocence, in which I
was able to teach him the pleasure of kindness and compassion by 
projecting into his open mind images of the happiness that people like 
me experience when we play with each other benevolently.  Once he had 
learned that lesson he decided that he wanted to be a hero again, and 
since then has done many things to increase the happiness of other 
people. 

After listening to that story Flashback told Monstrosity to quit wasting
his breath, because she wasn't going to change her mind about what she 
had done, no matter what he said.  Then she ran away from him. 

A few days later she learned that the killer who she had killed had
recently kidnapped another person.  That sadistic murderer had locked 
up his latest captive in a large, airtight room where she would slowly 
suffocate to death.  And then he had sent a note to her parents, 
telling them that their daughter was still alive but that nobody would 
find her in time to save her. 

It then occurred to Flashback that by murdering that criminal she had
helped to doom his last victim, because if she had captured him alive I 
could have looked into his mind and found the information necessary to 
rescue her.  In that moment she admitted to herself that there is no 
justice or prudence in the act of killing killers when there are other 
means of protecting people from them, because the life of even the most 
vicious murderer can still have some kind of value. 

So she projected a pattern of mental energy that prevented her from
committing that crime.  She refocused her perception as far back as she 
could, returning it to the moment of actual present, in which she 
raised her booted foot above the skull of the man who had killed her 
friend.  In that moment she chose to not become a murderer. 

Then she and Monstrosity brought their captive to me, arriving here to
find me playing with an incarnation of my buddy Jakinda.  I briefly 
scanned the mind of that man and found the location of his final 
victim.  Then Flashback went to rescue her while Monstrosity carried 
him off to the nearest facility where dangerous people are detained in 
order to prevent them from harming anyone else.  And after they left I 
turned all of my attention back to the delightful task of petting and 
pleasing my most beloved friend, who experiences exquisitely 
pleasurable feelings of exhilaration and joy when I tickle her, which I 
like to scan more than anything else in this whole world. 

The next day was Donation Day, on which those residents of Earth who are
fortunate enough to have more than they need are asked to give a 
portion of their monetary resources to the Social Services arm of the 
Sovocratic Alliance, so that it can employ people to carry out its many 
different functions, such as paving roads and putting out fires, 
catching criminals, and assisting individuals in times of need.  I have 
received a substantial income from my employment as a temporary 
caretaker of those who cannot take care of themselves and from my share 
of the donations that fans have given to support my band Flufftopia, 
and I have very few material needs and expenses, so I donated a rather 
large amount of money to fund that organization, which I am happy to do 
because I understand that its existence makes my life much easier, 
safer, and generally more enjoyable. 

After that I went to visit Clarence Dillwater, another friend of mine,
who had come to live in this dimension after the traumatic experience 
that had briefly turned him into a violent, crusading religious zealot. 
 He had come here to get away from the environment in which he had 
suffered that trauma, and also because he wanted to be able to 
frequently converse with me about what he had gone through. 

Since arriving here he had started taking medication that stopped him
from hearing that disembodied voice that had urged him to kill certain 
people, after I reassured him that if it really was the voice of an 
omnipotent God who wanted to talk to him then a few little pills 
wouldn't be able to stop It from doing so.  Then those symptoms 
subsided, and he was able to recognize how his sick, fearful, 
delusional mind had tried to appease itself by creating those 
troublesome beliefs about a bloodthirsty deity named Reginald. 

When I reached the apartment building where he lives I found Clarence
outside, trying to calm down a very drunk, agitated and belligerent 
woman who had been assaulting someone on the street.  The woman 
attacked Clarence when he tried to talk to her, and he quickly subdued 
her, binding her hands behind her back with a pair of cuffs that he 
brought with him from that future era in which he will be born.  But 
even then she continued to struggle, trying to pull her hands free of 
those restraints, which caused them to deliver a shock that stunned 
her, mildly.  In her inebriated state she was undeterred by that shock 
and continued to struggle against the cuffs, triggering an even more 
powerful stun pulse that dropped her to the ground. 

A few seconds later she recovered from that second jolt, rose to her
feet and rushed at Clarence with the intent to bowl him over.  Before 
she reached him he had a thought that triggered his hat to send a 
signal to the cuffs, causing them to deliver an even stronger pulse 
which knocked that irrationally irate woman unconscious.  Then some 
police officers arrived and he turned her over to their custody. 

As the two of us began to walk back toward his apartment I heard a woman
in the crowd that had gathered to witness this spectacle proclaim that 
it should be illegal to create or consume any alcoholic beverage.  With 
a scornful shake of her conceited head this woman - who had made the 
personal choice to abstain from drinking alcohol - said that people who 
drink for recreational purposes are a bunch of weak-willed degenerates 
who need to be protected from their own immoral choices.  Then she went 
on to encourage everyone within earshot to support a campaign to enact 
and enforce a law that would call for anyone who is caught in 
possession of that substance to be locked up in a little cage alongside 
some truly violent criminals. 

She did not have any genuine concern for the well-being of those
drinkers, despite her adamant claims to the contrary, as is evident 
from the utterly insensitive, potentially very harmful nature of what 
it is that she suggested that her society should do to them.  But she 
tricked herself into believing that her intentions really were 
benevolent by myopically focusing on the idea that alcoholics would be 
better off if they were forced to stay away from that drug.  And she 
willfully ignored her own awareness of what history can teach us about 
all of the bothersome, tragic, and sometimes even horrific consequences 
that drug prohibition has, directly and indirectly, on many people, 
both users and non-users. 

Just then the original victim of that drunk lady's ire - a man who uses
alcohol responsibly and in moderation - walked over to the one who was 
speaking, pointed at Clarence, and interrupted her diatribe by saying, 
"I sure am glad that there are people like him to protect people like 
me from people like her."  At that point he nodded toward his 
assailant, and then he looked right into the eyes of the woman to whom 
he was speaking, holding her gaze for a brief moment with a piercing, 
intense glare before concluding, "And from pompous, meddlesome fools 
like you, too." 

While he said that I transmitted many images into her mind, showing that
woman what her despotic, domineering thoughts looked like through my 
metaphoric eyes.  I showed her how her belief that morality and 
propriety are real things is just one excuse that she uses to justify 
her own selfish desire to act in ways that please and gratify her at 
the expense of other people.  And I showed her that she is not only a 
perpetrator but also a victim of the harm caused by such beliefs. 

I also projected into her psyche some of the images that I have seen in
the minds of those who abandon that kind of thinking.  I allowed her to 
see the delightful sense of liberty and inner freedom that people find 
when they release themselves from the shackles of their miserable, 
prideful, hurtful, tyrannical beliefs.  And I showed her the deep sense 
of satisfaction and joy that a person like me finds in its choice to 
believe that the real, simple happiness of people matters more than any 
philosophical code or concept of righteousness. 

As she contemplated these images she realized that she had given up the
hope of being truly happy in this life, and had sough solace for this 
wretched condition in the idea that there is a God who wants all people 
to sacrifice their own Earthly happiness for the sake of serving It.  
Through that belief she was able to take out her anger, bitterness, and 
frustration on other people, and also her feelings of jealousy, making 
herself feel just a little bit better by condescendingly condemning 
their fun and trying to ruin it.  And then it occurred to her that when 
she chooses to allow such ideas into her mind they infect her with 
their unkind, anti-happy essence, leading to thoughts and actions that 
severely hinder her own ability to enjoy the pleasant parts of life, 
ultimately bringing her more misery and discontentment than they 
alleviate. 

That opened her mind to the profound, life-altering realization that she
really does want to think like me, Superteddy, which she then decided 
to do, because she finally understood that that is what is best for 
everybody. 

Once that matter had been resolved Clarence and I continued on to his
residence, where we sat on a very comfy couch and began to talk about 
his recent experience with delusional religious certainty.  During that 
conversation he mentioned that he had been thinking a lot about 
Pascal's Wager, which is a philosophical premise that is based upon the 
idea that even though nobody actually knows if there is a God it makes 
sense to live one's life as if there is because the benefit of being 
right in that assumption is infinite while the cost of being wrong is 
nothing. 

Clarence told me that when he had been a believer he had used this
concept to confuse and dismiss his own barely-conscious recognition of 
the fact that he could not really be certain about such things, because 
it allowed him to acknowledge the existence of that uncertainty while 
convincing himself that it is reasonable for a person to act as if such 
uncertainty does not exist. 

But since then he has come to recognize that this premise is seriously
flawed, because it is based upon an unverifiable and possibly false 
assumption about the cost and benefit of that theoretical wager.  He 
stated that we cannot be certain what the real price or gain will be 
for any of the various assumptions that a person might make about the 
existence of God, and then suggested that if a God does exist It might 
actually look most favorably upon a person who honestly admits its own 
ignorance of such matters and refuses to make such a calculated yet 
uninformed bet with its life. 

"Or it might not even matter to God what we decide to believe about It,"
he concluded.  After a moment of consideration he added, "If there is 
such a being, who cares about people even half as much as you do, 
Teddy, then It would probably also choose to do whatever It can to 
please us, ultimately, no matter what we think or do." 

I told Clarence that I could not think of any plausible reason why It
would make any other choice.  Then my mind-scanner detected his desire 
to end that serious, philosophical conversation so that we could spend 
our time together playing the new Guardians of Freedom video game 
instead.  And at that same moment - not in the least bit coincidentally 
- I decided that I would also prefer to play that game with him. 

Meanwhile, just a few miles away, on the other side of the city the
Guardian called Blooper patrolled the streets, looking for people to 
protect, as she has done almost every day since she abandoned her 
villainous quest for revenge against all of those scoundrels who played 
a role in the lawful abduction and subsequent murder of her friend 
Arthur.  She is driven to do so by remorse for the innocent life that 
she took during that vengeful rampage, even though she understands that 
these heroic actions will not undo the crimes that she committed - as 
no Earthly action can ever undo that terrible injustice that was so 
rudely and insensitively perpetrated against both this child and that 
kindly, affectionate man whose playful company once brought her to 
heights of indescribable ecstasy. 

Later that evening she spotted the large, crystalline boy known as Facet
sitting on some steps at the intersection of two streets, in the 
company of two other people.  Just then someone else walked by.  Facet 
rose to his feet and came down to approach that passerby, followed a 
moment later by his companions. 

"What's the rush?" he asked his prey as that man tried to dodge around
him and hurry away. 

"Yeah," one of the other gang members said.  "Don't you have time to
stop for a friendly little chat?" 

"We might get the idea that you don't like us very much if you try to
run off without making an effort to be sociable," the other one joined 
in, shaking his head and snickering with a predatory grin on his face. 

Facet and the others continued in this manner, taunting that victim with
subtle threats and sardonic commentary.  Their stated plan was to steal 
whatever material goods he had in his pockets, but it was a desire for 
psychological rather than financial gain that really motivated this 
assault.  Each hoped to bolster his paltry, feeble sense of self-worth 
by gaining the approval and admiration of his belligerent companions. 

Blooper quickly approached that small crowd and told his attackers to
leave that man alone.  When she did that they turned their aggression 
and hostility on her, moving away from their original victim and 
confronting this person who dared to stand up to them. 

One of them reached out to grab Blooper, mistaking her for a defenseless
little girl who he could bully and harass in order to vent his own 
angry, shameful sense of personal deficiency, choosing to hide those 
feelings of worthlessness from himself behind a facade of powerful 
dominance.  A moment later he regretted that decision, when she exhaled 
a cloud of very hot bloop gas right into his face.  Then she turned 
that bloop into a wall that blocked those hooligans from reaching her. 

Facet jumped high into the air, over that wall, coming down behind
Blooper.  He immediately turned around, raised his hand and blasted at 
her with a bolt of energy sparkles.  As he did so she continued to 
exhale bloop, which she formed into a shield to deflect that attack. 

When Blooper turned around to face Facet the other assailant - the one
who was not curled up on the ground, clutching his scalded face - 
pulled a gun out of his pocket.  He then stepped to the side of that 
protective wall and tried to shoot her in the back, not knowing that 
she could see what he was doing through her mental connection to the 
bloop that remained behind her.  She formed some of that substance into 
a sticky, gelatinous ball that caught the bullet, and then she moved 
that mass to cover the gun and hands of the shooter, using some more of 
the stuff to bind his feet as well. 

Then the shimmering, translucent one rushed at her, knocked aside the
shield that floated between them, and with all of his prodigious 
strength swung his fist at her face. 

The mask of bloop that Marcia wears while acting as a superhero
solidified and pushed back against the attack, dissipating most of the 
energy from that blow as it shattered to pieces.  Consequently, that 
punch did not decapitate my friend when it landed but only knocked her 
down and bruised her cheek.  She then used her costume of bloop to lift 
herself up off of the ground and into the air.  She also formed a net 
out of that exotic blue substance, wrapped it around Facet and then 
used it to carry him off to a place where the two of them could spend a 
few minutes alone together. 

Blooper lacked my power to see exactly what Facet was thinking, but I
had told her many of the things that I learned about him during our 
last encounter - about the awkwardness that he felt when socializing 
with other people, and his frustrated desire for any kind of friendship 
- and she was observant and astute enough to correctly guess the 
psychological motivation behind his malevolent behavior.  So she told 
him that he does not have to act like a jerk to make friends, and 
explained that those people who hold him in high regard for how 
viciously he abuses others probably don't really care about him, which 
he already suspected to be the case. 

She told him that if he could manage to really like himself for who he
is and who he chooses to be then he would not be so desperate for 
approval that he is willing to settle for the shallow admiration of 
violent criminals.  She then revealed to him that he is one of the most 
brilliant, beautiful things that she has ever seen, which mentally 
shocked Facet. 

After a few seconds of stunned silence he bashfully confessed to her
that he thinks that he looks really weird and ugly.  That hesitant, 
courageous revelation touched her metaphoric heart, deeply, filling it 
with intense feelings of compassion and sympathy.  Then she smiled at 
him, tenderly, and said that no matter what his physical appearance may 
be he can still have a nice, friendly, benevolent personality, which 
would make him beautiful, to her, in a metaphysical but not at all 
superficial way. 

Facet thought that Blooper is very beautiful in a conventional,
corporeal sense, and was deeply impressed by her kindness and faith in 
someone who had recently tried to bash in her skull with his bare hand. 
 He felt a very strong inclination to impress her, and to win her 
approval, and also wanted to just be near her.  So he decided to join 
her in this fraternity of heroes that we call the Guardians of Freedom. 


After that they went to converse with the other members of that gang
about the possibility of giving up their criminal ways.  Then they came 
here and told me all about what had happened that night. 

I subsequently returned to my native dimension, with the help of that
friend who dropped me into this world.  There I entertained some of the 
Goo with a bunch of stories about the wacky and bizarre adventures of 
you silly Earthlings, and learned what I now know about the power of 
Flashback.  Then I came back here to tell this tale to all of you. 

A few of you who understand the usual limits of my abilities are now
wondering how I have been able to broadcast this story to every single 
person on the planet.  The answer to your unspoken question is that I 
am utilizing that rare, extraordinary gem which we took from the tyrant 
called Empress when we defeated her in a parallel dimension, which is 
allowing me to temporarily borrow the strength of many other people.  
By lending me a portion of their vital energy these individuals have 
increased the power of the signals from my thought-projector and 
mind-scanner by many orders of magnitude, enabling those transmissions 
to reach every corner of this world, so that our message of freedom and 
happiness can be known to all. 

And now that the message has been delivered I will encourage you all one
last time to choose to be as happy and benevolent as you can be.  I can 
see that many of you find this world full of irritating untickles, 
persistent pains and injustices to be very scary, upsetting, 
infuriating, and disheartening, but I encourage you to not let these 
things overwhelm you, or distress you any more than is absolutely 
necessary, because such feelings don't make anything better.  Instead, 
make the choice to be a member of the Sovocratic Alliance, if you have 
not done so already, and encourage others to join us, as well, then 
take solace and hope from the knowledge that this organization exists 
to protect us all from such unpleasant things. 

As for those of you who still choose to be miserable and cruel and
villainous, I leave you all with my most dire warning that I will hunt 
you down, and eventually I will catch you.  And then, when you are 
finally in my clutches, I will do everything in my power to tickle you, 
tirelessly and relentlessly, in whatever way suits you best, until you 
smile and laugh with irrepressible delight and decide that you really 
would prefer to be a nice, kindly, metaphorically fluffy person, as all 
the descendants of the human race will someday become. 

Now I will say goodbye to all of you.  And after completing this
sentence I will turn off those devices that have allowed me to share 
thoughts with every person in this world, ending our mental connection 
so that I can stop draining energy from those generous and very helpful 
people who have given me the power to make this global communication 
possible. 


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