"No Way Looie Looay" (standard:humor, 632 words)
Author: Jerry Vilhotti	Added: Apr 10 2001	Views/Reads: 4610/6	Story vote: 0.00 (0 votes)
Is there a "thief gene" in some of us?

Not only did the immediate family, and I don't mean family as in the
Godfather Saga which is the American-Italian "Gone With the Wind" 
thing, take trips to see our highly unsuccessful hijacking brother Leny 
One n in the Lewisburg Penitentiary but sometimes we accommodated 
others like the time my brother Tom, who happened to be a NYC lithium 
popping psychologist, offered to take the Maletestas, Leny's young 
partner and cell mate's parents and Lollie his aunt who happened to be 
Leny's lady friend, to see them and decided to foot all the bills to 
boot ... "Hey, what the hell you doing?" Tom said in the motel deep in 
peaceful Amish country; not very far from where the battle of 
Gettysburg took place when the "United States" of America was eating 
itself to little pieces and the eating, for all intense and proposes, 
has still not stopped. "Who me?" Looie said attempting to look innocent 
as he held the television set awkwardly in his arms while using one leg 
as a support. " No way! You can't take that!  What are you crazy?" "How 
will they ever know?  Christ, we're from New York City!  There's 
milions of us.  Rudy G. will tell you so!  Get out of here," Looie said 
shocked at Tom's attitude. "Will you just put the damn thing back and 
leave it alone!" Tom said beginning to regret he ever called Lollie. 
Jesus Christ, I told you to cut the crap!" Tom said catching Looie 
again around midnight leaving the deserted lobby embracing the set. 
About two in the morning, Tom began to hear suspicious sounds coming 
from the adjoining room where Looie and his wife were staying.  Hearing 
their door closing very softly aroused Tom's curiosity and he hastily 
put on his robe - and did catch Looie downstairs once again. "Christ 
Tom, I didn't know you was a part time hotel cop.  You was from The 
East Bronx too - no?  What's wrong with taking a little set?  A colored 
one at that!" "Look Looie," Tom said between clenched teeth trying in 
this gesture to show how low-life he thought Looie was, "I put my real 
name and address on the registrar.  My real name because I don't carry 
an alias!  You understand?" "You got shares in this place, Tom?" "No 
damn it!  I don't want to get arrested for taking something I can buy 
in the hundreds!" Around four in the morning, Looie broke into Tom's 
and his fourth wife Rhoda's room and took their set as his wasn't 
working that well.  He draped a towel over an empty box he found in the 
hallway as a substitute for their television set. That morning when Tom 
tried to put the tube on, he discovered the set was missing. He dressed 
hurriedly while throwing a shoe at their wall and within minutes was 
standing before their door knocking softly, saying: "Looie, me Tom." 
Lollie's sister whispered that Looie was not home. "Open up please!  
Open up or I'm calling the cops!" Looie was under the covers making 
like a pillow. "Wake up Looie!  Where's the damn set?" Tom said 
throwing his pillbox at him. "Jeeeeez Tom, you almost killed me!" Looie 
said ducking several times and then added: "I put it in your car." 
"Look Looay, I'm going down to get it and I'm giving your last name and 
address to the desk clerk!  If anything is missing from this place - 
I'm telling them you took it!" Before Tom slammed the door, Looie and 
his wife Angie were lunging for their borrowed suitcases - taking out 
all they were going to borrow from the motel like towels, bed sheets, 
pillows, radio set .... "Jesus Angie, you'd never know him and Leny was 
brothers!" ....  END


Tweet