The Christmasfication of our home (standard:humor, 905 words)
Author: Godspenman	Added: Dec 12 2010	Views/Reads: 2931/2020	Story vote: 0.00 (0 votes)
Our home, like every other home this time of year, bears the decorations of the Christmas season. This is all thanks to the Gracious Mistress of the Parsonage. My assigned role in the whole Christmas affair was to keep out of her way. And, out of her way,

Our home, like every other home this time of year, bears the decorations
of the Christmas season. This is all thanks to the Gracious Mistress of 
the Parsonage. My assigned role in the whole Christmas affair was to 
keep out of her way. And, out of her way, I kept. 

Consequently, our house is full of the glitter and tinsel of the season
with Christmas music playing in the background. In the very center of 
all of this holiday collage, sits our Christmas tree begging for 
Christmas gifts. Every once in a while I catch it casting a wishful 
look in my direction. I pretend not to notice. After all, I'm not Santa 
Claus. 

One afternoon I was in the house by myself and had a strange feeling
something was missing. Walking around and looking at all the unique 
decorations I just could not put my finger on it, but something was 
absent. I know what a thorough job my wife does with this sort of 
thing, and so I was not about to approach her with my query. 

The more I pondered this, the more perplexing it became. Then it hit me.
There definitely was something missing in our Christmas ornamentation. 
The answer came to me when I was rehearsing in my mind the old poem, 
"'Twas the Night Before Christmas." 

Somewhere in the beginning of that poem are these words, "The stockings
were hung by the chimney with care, In hopes that St. Nicholas soon 
would be there;" I quickly looked around and discovered no stockings 
were hung by the chimney with care. 

The first problem I faced was, we had no chimney. I assure you, this was
not a major setback with me in my quest. Once I set my mind to 
something, I will not stop until it is finished. 

Not far from the Christmas tree was a shelf upon which were arranged
various Christmas knickknacks and decorations. This, in my opinion, 
would be a wonderful place to hang our Christmas stockings. 

One other problem I had; I could not find any Christmas stockings. This
would not in any way hinder my progress. I love a challenge, and do my 
best when the odds are stacked against me. 

Looking for something to improvise, which is something my wife is quite
famous for, I happened to notice I was wearing socks. Voilà. Without a 
moments hesitation I took off my shoes, pulled off my socks and hung 
them on the bookshelf with care in hopes that the Gracious Mistress of 
the Parsonage would notice them there. 

We may not have a glowing fireplace in our living room, but a warm,
glowing feeling of satisfaction was stirring up inside me. I love 
Christmas. 

I almost forgot the situation when a few hours later my wife came home
from her Christmas shopping. I was in my easy chair reading Charles 
Dickens' "A Christmas Carol." I always read this book this time of the 
year. Sure, I enjoy the movie adaptations, but nothing is like getting 
back to the real thing. A Christmas without reading "A Christmas 
Carol," is no Christmas in my thinking. 

I was engaged with Ebenezer Scrooges' "Humbug," when I heard a cry of
alarm coming from our living room. "What in the world stinks in here?" 

This shows very plainly the difference between men and women. Women are
always finding things that stink. My wife's nose is so delicate she can 
differentiate between a thousand different smells and identify the 
source to each and every one. 

I think she has some kind of smell-phobia, which is, as far as I know,
no cure. And believe me, I have looked. Living with someone allergic to 
stink is a real hardship. 

"Did something in this house die while I was away?" 

I did fall asleep and was dead to the world for about 25 minutes. I
rather doubt this was the cause of the snoot full of stink she was 
currently experiencing. Being the dutiful husband I am, I immediately 
ran to her rescue. 


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