Silence of the phones (standard:humor, 906 words)
Author: Godspenman	Added: Oct 31 2010	Views/Reads: 2800/1882	Story vote: 0.00 (0 votes)
The Gracious Mistress of the Parsonage and Yours Truly were relaxing in the living room after our Saturday evening repast. She was reading some woman's novel while I was following the exploits of Bertie Wooster and his gentleman's gentleman, Jeeves. Oh, t

The Gracious Mistress of the Parsonage and Yours Truly were relaxing in
the living room after our Saturday evening repast. She was reading some 
woman's novel while I was following the exploits of Bertie Wooster and 
his gentleman's gentleman, Jeeves. Oh, that Bertie, what? 

It had been one of those tiring weeks of much work and much ado about
nothing. And after such a week we were in our winding down mode. 
Nothing is like a Saturday evening at home after the week's work is all 
done. Even when the work is not done, it is wonderful to sit back, 
elevate your feet and just relax even if not all's right with the 
world. 

I had just morphed into my Saturday evening relaxation mode when the
other resident of the parsonage said, "Listen, do you hear that?" 

I came to my senses enough to say, "uh." 

"Quiet and just listen. Do you hear it?" 

Right here I need to confess that my hearing is not quite as acute as my
wife's. If I were a swearing man, I would swear that she hears things 
that do not actually exist. But, you did not hear it from me. In order 
to keep peace and harmony in the house I usually go along with her. But 
this time I was lost. 

Looking at her in one of my strange looks I said, "I don't hear a
thing." 

"You mean to tell me you don't hear that?" 

There are times when making up a story is expedient but I had a feeling
this was not one of those times. 

"Okay, I give up. What do you hear?" 

"Nothing. I hear nothing." 

Now I was beginning to think that the old girl had fallen off her broom.
You can never tell when these things will happen. 

"I don't hear anything either," I replied. 

Then I saw her staring at and nodding toward the phone. Finally, she
pointed to the phone and said, "The phone isn't ringing." 

Then I got it. I finally heard that too. It was the wonderful sound of
the phone not ringing. We had a good chuckle together and she went back 
to her novel but I could not get back into my book. I kept thinking of 
how noisy that telephone of ours had been the last few weeks. 

I think when Graham Bell invented the telephone he did society a
marvelous good. However, I'm sure he never intended it to be used the 
way it has been used recently. 

Now that the election is all over, our telephone has been strangely and
wondrously quiet. For weeks, leading up to the election our phone had 
been ringing overtime. One politician after another somehow got our 
telephone number and upon obtaining it, felt at full liberty in giving 
us a call. 

I do not mind people calling me and chatting for a moment. I enjoyed a
good chat as well as anybody else. But these politicians are another 
breed of something or other. For some reason they have never mastered 
the etiquette of making a telephone call. 

Why, just last week Sarah Palin called me on the phone. I cannot tell
you how excited I was when I heard her voice. I chatted with her for a 
full three minutes before I realized she was not listening to me. It 
was a pre-recorded message. That is the way with politicians. They yak, 
yak, yak and never listen to the person they are yakking to. 

Then, in the midst of all these political calls, I had a call from some
telemarketer. The only thing I understood was the first few words when 
he said, "Hello, my name is..." after that he talked as though he had 
his mouth full of marbles. By the time he was finished all I could say 


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