It was the worst of times and it was the worster of times (standard:humor, 905 words)
Author: Godspenman	Added: Oct 17 2010	Views/Reads: 2734/1894	Story vote: 0.00 (0 votes)
Whenever anybody says things can't get any worse, they usually do. No matter how bad something is, there is always a good chance it will get worse. Experience may not be my best teacher, but sometimes it's the only teacher on duty.

Whenever anybody says things can't get any worse, they usually do. No
matter how bad something is, there is always a good chance it will get 
worse. Experience may not be my best teacher, but sometimes it's the 
only teacher on duty. 

This is where I have a wee bit of a conflict with the Gracious Mistress
of the Parsonage. She is always looking on the bright side of things. 
Sometimes her cheery disposition is a little more than I can handle. No 
matter how bad the situation may be, she can always find something good 
in it. 

"There's a little bit of good in everything, you just have to look for
it." 

For me, experience has taught that too often the look isn't worth the
find. 

A recent event brought to light our differences of outlook in life. 

I have two sets of keys to my pickup and last week I lost one set. I was
all a dither and did not know what I was going to do. Then my wife 
said, "At least you didn't lose your pickup." 

It was not so much what she said, as how she said it. I knew exactly
what she meant. 

Several weeks ago, I borrowed her car to go to Wal-Mart and get some
things for a project I was working on. At the time, I had my project on 
my mind and was not thinking too clearly about what I was doing. The 
fact that I got to the store comes very near to a miracle in and of 
itself. I got the things I needed and came out to get into my pickup 
and get back to my office to complete my project. 

Much to my chagrin, I could not find my pickup. I walked up and down the
parking lot looking, looking but to no avail. My pickup was nowhere to 
be found. Several pickups looked like mine, but my keys would not open 
any of them. 

Fortunately, I had my cell phone on my person. Normally, I do not carry
my cell phone with me wherever I go. Frankly, I do not want to be that 
easy to get a hold of unless it is a real emergency. And by emergency, 
I mean where my life is in imminent danger. 

I stalled as long as I could, reluctant to call my wife but finally, out
of sheer desperation, I called her. Sometimes a husband has to do what 
a husband has to do and I had to call my wife. This is a last resort, 
at least for Yours Truly. You can stand in the middle of a parking lot 
looking lost for so long before someone calls the authorities. I knew I 
had to take quick action. 

I called my wife. "I lost my truck. I looked all over the parking lot
and I can't find my truck. I don't know what to do." 

There was a long, awkward pause on the other end of the phone. Finally,
her voice came back and said, "I'm looking at your pickup in our 
driveway. Where in the world are you?" 

It then dawned on me. I did not lose my pickup but rather drove my
wife's car. This is what I mean by something going from bad to worse. 
For the rest of my life my gracious and loving wife will find creative 
ways of reminding me that I really did not lose my truck. 

My wife can see a silver lining in every cloud. I see a cloud in every
silver lining. 

When it's raining, my wife always looks for the rainbow. I usually look
for an umbrella. 

To her, a glass is half-full, while to me it is half-empty. 

On those rare occasions when we go shopping together, I invariably lose
a quarter and she will find a dollar bill. 

All of this positive thinking is positively discouraging and a person
can only take so much positive goobly-gook. 


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