Finding Your Way Back. Chapter five (standard:drama, 6808 words) [5/6] show all parts
Author: Cyrano	Added: May 31 2009	Views/Reads: 2196/1649	Part vote: 0.00 (0 votes)
For James the sad events have been acted out in a blur, yet the facts are what they are. Eileen is dead. From this point forward life must be lived anew. But there remains the question: Why?

If it was to be the first day of his new life, the weather did not
recognize that fact. Brooding gray clouds rolled in from the west 
carrying the threat of early rain. 

He was just doffing a heavy jacket when he heard the noise of wheels
crunching up the driveway. The lady doctor jumped out of her car. 

“I was passing, so I thought I'd pop in and see how you were doing,” she
said as they drank coffee. “Are you sleeping well and eating sensibly? 
How are you coping generally?” 

James assured her all was well. He was grateful for her concern but one
thing on his mind would not go away. He described it to her as a 
feeling of guilt. Nagging, dark, unintelligible doubts in the mind. She 
leant forward in her chair, looked at him intently, and asked him to 
explain further. 

“Well,” he began, hesitantly, “you know she went so quickly.” He paused,
gritting his teeth. “Surely I should have spotted something, some clue 
I should have noticed. She couldn't have gone just like that...” His 
voice died with the sentence. 

The doctor settled back and spoke calmly. 

“James, I am not keeping anything from you; there is nothing you don't
know. You must try and convince yourself that you have nothing to feel 
guilty about. What happened could not be predicted...by you, me, or 
anyone. You'll miss her, of course you will, so will I, we will all 
miss her, but don't burden yourself with unnecessary guilt for the rest 
of your life. She wouldn't have wanted you to do that. That's really 
all I can tell you.” She concluded with a resigned shrug of the 
shoulders. 

“Thanks Mary, I appreciate it. It's just a question of believing it.
I'll try. It may take time, but I will definitely try.” 

“I must be going James, if you need me just call. I'll let myself out.” 

James felt better after the conversation, but then he always did for a
while. How long would it be before the while became forever? Again, he 
prepared to go walking, when once more he became aware of a visitor. 
The sudden rapping on the front door caused him to stop and frown. He 
had not heard the usual warning sound of wheels on gravel. Jenny stood 
in the porch. She wore a trace of a smile, an unsure expression 
signaling uneasiness over her visit. It had obviously not been an easy 
decision for her to make, but James was glad to see her. 

“Come inside,” he said, warmly. “You caught me by surprise.” 

“James, I don't know what to say, but I did want to come and see you...I
hope that you understand...you know what I mean.” She spoke in a weak, 
hesitant voice augmented by gesturing hands. 

James folded her in his arms. 

“I know what you mean...it's lovely to see you. Come on in. Let's have a
cup of tea, but no burgers. No more secrets to keep for me.” He said, 
wryly. 

She smiled, and James ushered her into the house. He noticed she was
still doing her best to disguise the fact that she was an attractive 
woman. The dull baggy clothes were unflattering, and Coco Chanel would 
have suffered financial disaster years ago if women in general spent as 
little as her on toiletries. They chatted politely but after a few 
uneasy minutes, James sensed the conversation was skirting around 
something she wanted to talk about, but was avoiding. He felt he knew 
her well enough to ask her if she had some sort of problem that she 
wanted to tell him about. 

“Well James,” she said, “I was wondering if you needed any part time
help in the shop. I owe a few pounds to Eileen for a dress I just 
bought and I thought perhaps I could pay it off by working for you. The 
bus job is not going too well and so...” 

“Jenny, I don't want you to worry about the bit of money you owed


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