Billy Paints His House(Maybe) (standard:humor, 1199 words)
Author: Slambang	Added: Oct 21 2007	Views/Reads: 3026/2242	Story vote: 0.00 (0 votes)
Billy tried and faled to make the grade

Billy Paint his house (and other things) October 20,2007 Slambang 

The day began like most other days in the summer with a beautiful
sunrise, a nice breakfast of ham ,eggs, toast, and coffee, but 
unfortunately ,it went down from there. 

“Today I've got to paint  this house“, Billy thought. “ I sure do hate
the thought of it though, but  if I don't get started It will never get 
done”.” I guess the first thing I had better do is get that extension 
ladder out and carry it around to the front“. He walked around to the 
back yard, got the ladder and lugged it  around to the front. Then he 
went back to the garage and looked for the paint he had bought a long 
time ago when he first thought the house needed painting. “Ah! there it 
is trying to hide aren't you?,” he said aloud as if the bucket could 
hear him. He opened the can and gave it a good stirring, then grabbed 
his paint brush and carried them to the job site. He was looking up to 
the eave of the house and thinking ,“Boy, that is a long way up there”. 
He picked up the ladder and leaned it against the side of the house and 
extended it as high as he thought it needed to go. It went rather well 
except the ground not being level made the ladder unstable. He shifted 
it around trying to find a spot where the ladder didn't move too much 
and finally was satisfied that he had found a good  place for it. He 
then grabbed his bucket of paint and the brush and went up the ladder 
to the height he thought would be comfortable for him to reach. He hung 
his bucket of paint on a rung in the ladder and dipped the brush into 
the paint bucket and started painting up near the eave of the house., 
all the while humming the tune of a song the he liked. I believe it was 
“OH WHAT A BEAUTIFUL MORNING” 

He dipped his brush into the bucket and got a brush full of paint ,
leaned out to the length of his arm when the ladder suddenly started to 
shift. Down the side of the house he, the ladder the paint bucket and 
brush went “faster than a speeding bullet”, he thought as he painted a 
long arc down the side of his house, “but so far it is not too bad“. He 
hit the ground with a thud and then the ladder with the paint bucket 
still attached came on top of him, splashing paint everywhere and 
particularly on him. He was laying there  using a lot of words to 
describe the heritage of the ladder and calling on the supreme being to 
 send the ladder, the, paint, and the brush to the theological place of 
eternal punishment. But he secretly was thankful that he was not 
hurting too bad, just mad as the dickens. 

He was in the  midst of this tirade when his neighbor walked up and
asked “What in the world are you doing down there, Billy” “ I‘m minding 
my own damn business,” Billy replied. and I would suggest that you do 
the same” Anyone with good sense would have turned and left at this 
point, but Frank evidently did not possess this quality. Well I saw 
your acrobatic act and was sorry I didn't have my movie camera to 
record the scene. You wouldn't want to repeat it now that I have my 
camera here would you?” “By the way the arc is perfect” . “I couldn't 
have done better myself and are you lying there admiring your artistic 
talent?” “No ,you idiot, I am lying here because this stupid ladder is 
on top of me and I am tangled up in it . Would you like me to lift the 
ladder off you? “No why don't you just stand there looking stupid as 
you always do and make stupid remarks. Like you are doing now? And if 
you keep talking I am going to get up and (at this point he described a 
particular foot action on  a certain part of Frank's anatomy) 

With that the neighbor turned and walked away leaving Billy, the ladder,
the paint, and the brush laying on the ground and Billy wondering how 
much worse the day was going to be and Frank wondering what he had done 
to aggravate his neighbor so much. 

After laying there quietly, he thought “Well I haven't killed myself so
I might as well see if I can get this stupid ladder off me and clean up 
this mess. He wriggled out from beneath the ladder, still mumbling 
about his bad luck. One good thing the paint he was using was a water 
based paint so the mess wasn't as bad as it looked. then he stripped 
off his outer clothing preparing to soak his work clothes in a bucket 
before taking them into the house and putting them in the washing 
machine. At this point a group of Jehovah Witnesses drove up the 
driveway. Billy made a beeline for the garage, leaving the folks in the 
car wondering what a grown man was doing running around outside in his 
underwear. 



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