Uncle pervis Shames the Family... (standard:humor, 2769 words)
Author: stanley mcqueen kentucky backwoods writer	Added: May 01 2007	Views/Reads: 3573/2409	Story vote: 0.00 (0 votes)
short humor backwood flavor

Uncle Pervis shame the family 

Pa come into the shack and his face is red I could tell he was mad, what
wrong ask ma who was standing before the cook stove  frying potatoes.. 
its that brother of yours he is in jail in  pa said” what on earth has 
he done this time ma asked looking excited.. well the sheriff said” he 
caught him down near the river driving a wagon pull my mules and it was 
full of moonshine whiskey,  he said he was drunker than a mouse in a 
whirle wind ...pappy explained” i seen the sheriff over at the rail 
head he seen me buying fence post and come and told me this news pa 
added, he want us to come into the township and try and get that fool 
brother of yours to shut his trap , the sheriff said he has hollored 
his fool head off screaming bloody murder... he declares that the wagon 
load of  whiskey is not his and claim he was hired to drive the wagon 
and team for another fellow whom he want give his name, he told the 
sheriff he never looked at the cargo in the wagon and that the man who 
hired him told him it was loaded with sweet corn and wanted him to take 
it accross the county line to sell to the flat lick folks , who don,t 
have ground for growing corn to eat...I sware sara that luke is the 
meanest man in these parts he is alway getting himself in that little 
hog pen jail house that ain,t big enough to house a fatting hog in, the 
first place pa said” “the sheriff said he was acting like a wild man in 
jail carrying on something awful , screaming and keeping everone awake 
at night with all that  holloring and carrying own pa declared” one 
things is for sure all those people that live in the township  of Muddy 
fork some of them will be picked for the jury  and those that live 
close to the jail and have been kept awake from all his foolisness will 
want that Pervis hung by the neck till he be dead pa tells ma” we 
better head into town fast mammy suggested or the town folks will 
likely linch him before long ...they should pa said it would serve the 
fool right he added, i help paw harness the team and hook up the wagon 
up and we headed toward town, before we got to our small town we could 
hear Pervis screaming and hollowing let me out of this hog pen jail he 
was screaming to the top of his lungs... listen at that fool brother of 
mine ma said we can hear that mouth a half mile away i sware he beats 
all i never saw or steped across she said with fire in her eyes... when 
we arrive he was looking out the little barred window of the little red 
jail house , his ugly face was red and that mouth was working like a 
bee smoker,, maw went toward the jail house window and he seen us pull 
up in the corn wagon ,, he shouthed to mammy get me out sister i,m a 
framed man i never new what was in that wagon and i was drunk when i 
was hired to drive it to the good folks over at flat lick ,, old man 
lester mooris was the one that hired me and now he want claim the wagon 
or the whiskey he swares” and keep shacking his old greasy long bushy 
head of hair ... well you have got your self in a real mess this time 
mammy tells him in between his shouting and hollering.. if your any 
kind of a sister at all you help me he beggs mammy.. ive been framed he 
shouts and repeats the same words....shut that hole in your face and 
listen mammy said real loud and mean like...  we ain,t got nary time to 
get you a law book laywer so this time your going to get the books of 
the law throwed  at you right between the eyes ....then pervis stick 
his long toughn at mammy and make a ugle face and called her a traitor 
to her own blood kin brother... then mammy picked up a balance rock off 
the jail houe yard and threw it a pervis and nearly hit him and the 
jail bars took the lick from her rock ,, and if she had hit him she 
probadly would have been taking his place in jail for murdering her 
brother...dan durn you fool mammy scorned him.... pa and maw said you 
was the black sheep in the family and i do expect they was right mammy 
declared”  i had never heard mammy use cuss words before today, and she 
was madder than a hornet.. if you dont quit this holloring the sheriff 
expect the town people to brake in his jail and take you out of it and 
hang that long neck of yours till you look like a long neck goose mammy 
informed him” im not stopping this shouthing  and holloring till i,m a 
free man again  uncle pervis swares”well you cant say that i never 
tried to talk some smarts into that little  brainless noggin of yours 
mammy reminded him,.. mammy got back atop of the wagon and paw turned 
the mule team toward the direction of our shack...They just ain,t not 
helping him at all mammy tells me and paw as we ride the wagon toward 
our shack that sets about two full miles from our muddy fork township 
It was about a week later after our trip to calm uncle Pervis down that 
the sheriff come riding his hoss to our shack ,,, he informed us that 
uncle  trial was set for the next day and if we wanted to come it might 
be a long time before we ever get to see him if he was sent off to the 
taylor county prison ,, he said that pervis has everone in town so 
sleepy and hateful that he has been haveing to brake up a lot of fights 


Click here to read the rest of this story (130 more lines)