What happened To the Person That Collected Too Many Teddy Bears (standard:humor, 1001 words)
Author: Amy Buchanan	Added: Aug 14 2006	Views/Reads: 7526/2200	Story vote: 0.00 (0 votes)
A story about how crazy an addiction can become.

I will proceed to tell a story about a person who collected too many
teddy bears. This person had a crazed addition of teddy bears. Every 
cute teddy bear she saw in a store, at a yard sale, and in a catalog 
she had to buy. 

She first placed them in her bedroom. This addition was not so horrible
when room was found for the teddy bears. However, the entire house was 
soon covered. Every dresser, table, china cabinet, chair, shelf, and 
the sofa were festooned with bears of every shape, size, color, and 
texture. She then placed bears on wall shelves. Her bed became covered 
with bears and she had to sleep on the floor. She filled up the closets 
and the attic with bears. She then filled up the kitchen sink and the 
bathroom sink with bears. She was forced to brush her teeth in the 
bathtub and wash her dishes outside with a hose. 

At this time, which in my opinion was kind of late in this phase of her
addiction, she had to seek help to conquer her teddy bear wishes. 
Therapy did not help the teddy bear craze. It was a command lodged in 
her brain, muscles, and in every nerve. The command was to have, to 
grab, and to go into seizures if every teddy bear was not sacrificed to 
her collecting desires. 

Her friends and relatives suggested she take a vacation to some exotic
location where teddy bears did not exist. This suggestion made her more 
crazed so she tripled her efforts. She filled the bathtub with bears 
and had to shower in the basement. She then filled up the basement with 
bears. Then with cross-eyed bear spotted vision, she asked her friends 
and relatives if she could take a shower at their homes. They barred 
their doors to her cries. They decided to intervene and called for the 
white coats to come. She barred her door with a cement filled wall 
sized bear and blocked all the windows with suction cupped, stick out 
tongue bears. 

She then turned to the Internet for all her teddy bear needs and for
sustenance. A talking bear was lodged on the porch steps that could 
only be removed by an explosion. Mail and packages were to be placed in 
the bear's mouth and gulped down to magically appear inside. She paid 
her bills and bought food, toiletries, cleaning supplies, and clothes 
over the Internet. 

She then covered all the floors with bears and hung them off the
ceiling. How did she visit the bathroom? She bought a portable toilet 
and shower with a key chain attached and hung it off her belt.  Bears 
popped up in drinking glasses and cereal bowls. Every saucepan and 
frying pan was filled with bears. The refrigerator and freezer chilled 
bears.  She switched to eating only candy bars and packaged goods as 
the stove and microwave popped with bears. She grew to her chair and 
her eyes became permanently attached to the computer screen. 

The house at this time became three feet deep in bears. She placed an
implant in her brain linked to her computer that followed her every 
thought. Soon bears were biting at her hands and swinging off her arms. 
Her legs were sucked off in bear quicksand. Her portable toilet and 
shower became stuffed with bears. I am not about to tell you how she 
solved her hygienic problems. Lets just say the flies were beginning to 
circle. 

Where were her friends and relatives? They were trying to raise the roof
with a gigantic helicopter with a crane attached. When they arrived at 
the house, a gigantic blow up bear popped out and threw a gigantic 
beehive at the helicopter. Honey stuck to the blades. Gigantic toy bees 
stung the occupants of the helicopter with massive doses of sugar. It 
was later reported that four people were seen spinning around in 
circles around a crashed helicopter. They were scraping honey off the 
blades with graham crackers and toasting each other's health. 

More people arrived at the house and they attempted to tunnel to the
basement through the sewer. There was a massive cave in and the poor 
souls were smothered with bears. Sewer workers wondered why teddy bears 
suddenly appeared in storm drains throughout town. 

By this time the addicted teddy bear collector was up to the neck in
bears.  Well addiction did not squeeze all thought out of her brain. 
Prior to this she had an oxygen tank strapped to her back that was 
powered by a satellite. 


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