Donald Doesn't Drive (standard:humor, 9191 words)
Author: J.A. Aarntzen	Added: Oct 30 2005	Views/Reads: 3861/5866	Story vote: 0.00 (0 votes)
After being bitten by a dog, a man decides to sue the dog's owners.

DONALD DOESN'T DRIVE 

Donald doesn't drive anymore.  His left leg had been amputated after the
dog bite he had sustained became infected with gangrene.  The dog 
doesn't live any more.   The police saw to it after Donald's wife 
reported the incident.  Stacey was part mastif and part dachshund.  He 
was a funny looking canine that protected his yard from all 
trespassers.  Donald had fit into this category in Stacey's eyes when 
he had come to spread the word of the Book of Mormon.  Stacey was not a 
religious animal nor were his masters, Brian and Thelma Grodley.  
Stacey had spared the Grodleys the ordeal of listening to Donald's 
well-rehearsed testament of God spiel, unfortunately this had cost him 
his life.  After ten days at the Humane Society shelter, it was 
determined that Stacey was rabies free and that the free veterinary 
clinic earlier that spring was not a waste of time for the Grodleys.  
It did cost them the fee for Stacey's destruction however. 

Donald thought that it was a waste of time to go tend to his wound at
the emergency clinic despite the urgings of his children and his 
cohorts at the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints.  Had Donald 
been a Jehovah's Witness at the nearby Kingdon Hall instead he would 
not have had to be subjected to the advice given by fellow worshippers. 
 But Donald was a Mormon through and through and he believed that a few 
well placed prayers would suffice in keeping him in health.  He even 
said a prayer for Stacey and the Grodleys because that was the 
Christian thing to do. 

The Grodleys didn't feel anything Christian towards Donald.  Donald's
attorney, Adam Tray, discovered this when he served papers upon Brian 
and Thelma notifying them that a hefty lawsuit had been registered at 
the courts.  Adam Tray also discovered that Stacey had been replaced 
with Chelsea, a purebread Rotweiler that the Grodleys adopted from the 
shelter the same day as Stacey's paw was shaved to facilitate the 
needle.  Chelsea's disposition towards lawyers was akin to her 
predecessor's towards men spreading the good news. 

The Grodleys were not particularly fond of men or women who went to the
bar.  They decided that they were able to defend themselves in a civil 
court of law.  Brian Grodley was fond of bars and especially the women 
who went to bars.  This did not sit particularly well with Thelma who 
was always afraid that her husband would bring home some unwanted 
sexually transmitted disease from the bar.  For this reason, she did 
not lay with him any longer.  Her bed was not empty though because 
Stacey and then Chelsea found their night's sleep at the foot of the 
queen-sized mattress.  Brian slept on the couch.  This suited him fine 
for Thelma tended to snore and the dogs needed somewhere to sleep. 

When news spread that Donald's leg had become infected, Thelma's first
thoughts were that Donald, too, must have found his comforts in the 
bars that her husband frequents.  But this was far from the truth.  
Donald was not the type to partake in such activity.  He found his 
calling in the book rather than the bottle.  And had he went to the 
emergency clinic he would have been given a bottle of medicine that 
would have staved off the infection that would eventually cost him his 
leg.  His leg had cost him a fair dollar to have it buried.  It was 
there at the cemetary waiting for the rest of him to eventually join it 
in the afterlife. 

Donald often wondered how his leg was doing in heaven.  Without a
partner and a body, it might have found paradise to be a lonely place.  
Thelma did not find her backsplit home a lonely place on the nights 
Brian was lifting a few at the bar.  She had Stacey and then Chelsea to 
keep her company.  The lawyer, Adam Tray, worked for the company 
Baines, Baines and Baines.   He was not a partner there.  He was not 
even a junior partner.  He had never done anything to move up the 
corporate ladder.  In many respects he was the bane of Baines, Baines 
and Baines.  He was just a lonely man in the firm and for this reason 
he felt a special empathy towards Donald's leg who was lonely in 
heaven.  This leg was going to help him get up that corporate ladder 
with one big step.  A large civil lawsuit would get him recognized.  He 
would no longer be the ash Tray of the firm. 

Chelsea did not like Adam Tray from the moment she saw him.  She knew
lawyers when she saw them and like most human beings, this Rotweiler 
detested them.  It was an attorney, Hugh Huygens,  that had recommended 


Click here to read the rest of this story (753 more lines)