Preparation and execution of my income tax return (standard:humor, 915 words)
Author: Godspenman	Added: Apr 18 2005	Views/Reads: 3691/2350	Story vote: 0.00 (0 votes)
April 15th is the time of the year when Americans can communicate with their government. I cannot testify for anyone else, but I look forward to this marvelous opportunity and I am careful not to waste it. This year, for example, so much has happened to m

April 15th is the time of the year when Americans can communicate with
their government. I cannot testify for anyone else, but I look forward 
to this marvelous opportunity and I am careful not to waste it. This 
year, for example, so much has happened to me since last year it took 
15 single-spaced typed pages to include everything. 

However, to be perfectly honest (and who's perfect), I am a little
disappointed. All the years I have included a personal letter in with 
my tax returns, I have yet to get a personal letter in return. 

I'm beginning to think this is a one-way relationship and it wouldn't
take much for me to quit this correspondence entirely. Then what would 
my government think? How would they know what I've been up to all year 
long? 

I am not one to complain, but filling out my income tax return seems to
be getting more complicated each year. When I familiarize myself with 
the rules for one year, someone changes them the next year. 

What could not be deducted last year can be this year; and what was not
deductible last year I must pay twice. Why can't someone in the 
government make up my mind and quit all this unnecessary fluctuation? 

On April 16, each year, our government immediately destroys the tax
books to keep them from falling into the hands of a foreign power. By 
"foreign," I mean Canada. 

Heaven help us if our neighbor north of the border ever got their hands
on this information. Canadians are not usually known for their 
joviality, but once they see these books, the entire country would 
break out into uncontrollable laughter. Who knows what this would do to 
the delicate relationship now existing between the two countries. 

Because of this important precaution, we need new tax laws each year. 

Right after the New Year's Eve party, someone in the Internal Revenue
office asks his assistant to "bring me those tax books." When informed 
there are no books, this same person (who shall remain nameless for 
obvious reasons) says to his assistant, "Bob, write me a new tax law 
book for this year and have it on my desk by 5 o'clock." 

This sets the wheels of government to whirling and by golly, by 5
o'clock that new tax law book is on the desk. The reason the tax laws 
differ from one year to the next is the assistant responsible for this 
is fired every year and a new one hired. 

The only requirement for the assistant is that his name must be "Bob." 

I wish one year Bob would call me. It seems he has overlooked many
legitimate deductions every year. I would like to submit some 
recommendations to be considered for next year. 

First, I am not too happy with this April 15th deadline. I feel it is
much too restrictive and rigid. What is so special about April 15 that 
our government should have such an apprehension about me missing this 
deadline? What is wrong with June 15? Or, September 22, for that 
matter? 

I believe the IRS should be more understanding and practice a
nonjudgmental attitude. After all, this is a new millennium calling for 
a new attitude on this whole business of taxes. They ought to trust me 
to send in my taxes whenever I'm ready, or remember. 

There are some deductions I have never seen on the forms I have filled
out and I have always wondered why. Let me list some: 

Grandchildren — have never been listed as a legitimate deduction. Does
the IRS know just how expensive grandchildren are? My jellybean budget 
alone could finance a small third world country and I only have three 
grandchildren. 

Pets — have never been included as deductions. Pets have a marvelous
role in enhancing our lives and giving us a good excuse to get out of 
the house and walk around the block. 



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