Craving Control (standard:drama, 4133 words) [4/4] show all parts
Author: Melissa S. Barron	Added: Oct 24 2004	Views/Reads: 2523/1859	Part vote: 0.00 (0 votes)
chapter4

Click here to read the first 75 lines of the story

He just sat there, with a puzzled look on his face. 

“Chris, I can't.” 

“ Why not? What did  I do wrong?” 

“ Nothing, it's just I'm not ready, I decided that I would wait with
you, because you are special to me.” When she said that, she added a 
smile, thinking that he would approve her answer. 

“ Your special to me too, so I think that we are both ready.” He stood
up, and pulled her waist to him. When she pulled back, his true colors 
showed. 

“ I told you no, I slept around before I met you, and it brought nothing
but regret.” 

“ So, your saying that you regret spending time with me.” 

“ No, that's not it at all... I just won't sleep with you, not yet
anyway.” 

“ Well... now that we are being open, I've been thinking,  that us
having sex would be a nice goodbye. I need sometime to myself and I 
think you do too.” Anger started to fill in his eyes. He couldn't 
believe that she could sleep with any other man under the sun, but not 
with him. 

“ What? You were just gonna sleep with me, and then tell me that you
need sometime to yourself?! I thought you were different Chris, I was 
wrong... your just like the other jerks that hurt me, what else is new 
? I don't need time for me, I needed someone who actually cared about 
me!” Tears were seeping through those bright green eyes, Chris didn't 
know what to say, seeing her like that was something that he didn't 
want. He wanted to rewind everything, to take it all back, but it was 
too late. As he watched a tear slide down her cheek, her mascara 
smeared, he wanted to speak, but knew best not to, and just swallowed 
hard. 

Cadhla just stood there, beginning to cry. She couldn't believe him,
this was only their second date and he wanted to sleep with her. She 
then, realized that she had been tricked.... that was all he wanted 
from day one. All the sweet things he said and what he did, were just 
another way to get in her pants. The tears were very visible, the more 
she thought about it, then all of the sudden, he decides to step close 
to her and grab her hand. Pulling back, she slapped him across the 
face, something she had never done, because all of the other men, she 
could care less what they thought of her or what they wanted. After the 
slap, she just turned around and ran. 

“ Cadhla wait! Let me give you a ride home at least.” He called behind
her. 

“ Go to hell... you asshole!” 

She didn't want to hear anything from him, and just continued running
along the side walk. As she ran, she looked down at the ground, wiping 
the tears away. He had followed her with his car of course, trying to 
persuade her to take the ride home. As she screamed leave me alone, she 
cut through the trees, that were behind her house. When she finally got 
home, she knew no one would be home, her mom was out with her friends, 
and Sara was sleeping over the neighbor's house down the street. 

She went to her room, and she saw on her bed, the teddy bear he had
given her, and threw him in her closet. Then looking at the door, as 
she closed her closet, she ripped the letter up to shreds... no it 
didn't deserve to be in the box, not because she cared for him more, 
now it was because he tricked and hurt her, but this time it was 
different. This time, it was because she had opened her heart up to 
him, knowing, the risks that could and have taken place. The roses, 
what would she do with the roses? They were just as beautiful as when 
she got them, and roses were her favorite flower.... but what they 
stood for, made them the most hideous things she had ever saw. She then 
decided, to keep them where they were, knowing that if she didn't her 
mom would know something was up. She hadn't cried for so long.... at 
least that is one thing he did, he gave her a break. 

“ Now look at me, I'm a mess.” She said aloud to herself. 

She then pulled out the notebook and started to write. The same usual
poem, that she was used to writing. It was weird... the last poem was 
her admitting her love for him, then on the back of that one, was the 
poem that showed her anger and hurt towards the same man she fell for. 

Today you cut my heart deep, Now here I sit and weep. It is bleeding,
and it hurts so bad, Not knowing that what you said was a lie, that 
would make me feel so sad. I was fooled to actually believe that I fell 
for you. Well it's done now,  I'm through. I told you how special you 
were, and that I wanted to wait, But you proved to me I was nothing, 
and closed the gate. My heart was holding on, to a piece of thread, As 
my tears ran, I knew I had been misled. I don't want to hear what you 
have to say, Just leave me alone...you've choose to hurt me and now 
I'll cry my own way. My heart has fallen, you cut the thread. Now it 
feels like I should be dead. Yes this poem was written to a man that I 
fell for, And now hate even more. 

Chris went to work the next day, he wasn't sure what to tell Steve. He
walked in these thoughts filling his head, the one that filled his head 
the most were those eyes that had filled with tears. Those same eyes 
that captivated him, the eyes that showed everything love, happiness, 
and excitement. Now poisoned his mind, with sadness and disappointment, 
he knew he broke her heart, and seeing her sad hurt him also. Steve was 
right, Cadhla had changed him, but he liked that change. He wanted to 
just sit there and talk to her for hours, she made him laugh, made him 
happy, and she could always carry on a conversation. The thing that 
changed him the most was how much he worried about her... he knew she 
was hiding something and he knew exactly what it was. She had lost a 
lot of weight, and continued to try and hide it by wearing long sleeved 
bulky shirts when she was around him... and then he remembered one 
night he was on the phone with her and she complained of terrible chest 
pains. He had never cared for anyone like he did her, when he was with 
her they talked about everything. He never thought it was possible to 
be with someone that you loved and could also have as a friend. He then 
stopped, he had been staring off into space while Steve was mopping the 
floor. He did it, he admitted he loved her. Realizing, that he didn't 
hurt Cadhla just because of Steve and the other guys, but because he 
was afraid to love someone. That would change everything in his life... 
dating, dances, parties, and even sex. He wasn't afraid to change now 
though, because he would be starting college soon and the feelings he 
had with Cadhla he knew wouldn't change that easily. 

“ Steve can you cover for me?  I got to go and talk to someone.” 

“ No, I know who you wanna talk to and it's over. You didn't get laid
like you said, but you did break up with her. That's that.” 

“ I am gonna  leave wether you like it or not, I need to talk to her
now.” 

Not listening to Steve yell behind him, he climbed in his car and drove
to her house. He knocked on the door, and didn't get an answer. He knew 
Cadhla was home doing her homework or taking a shower, she was probably 
just ignoring him. Her room light was on, and her car was in the drive, 
then all of the sudden the phone rang from inside... she didn't even 
get up to answer the phone. All he could think was maybe she just 
doesn't want an excuse to see me, then he saw Sara walking down the 
side walk moments later. 

“ Chris, were you talking to Cad?” 

“ No, I'm trying to but she won't answer the door... we got into a fight
and so she probably doesn't want to talk to me.” 

“ I just tried to call her from the neighbor's house and she never
picked up.” A worried look on her face, Sara got the house key from her 
purse. 

Chris ran in front of Sara, up the steps and knocked on her bedroom
door, when he didn't get an answer he tried to open it, but she had 
locked it. Chris continued to bang on the door, yelling for her to open 
up. Then, he threw his whole body into the door a couple of times, then 
finally the lock broke and enabled him to get in. Her room was trashed, 
papers everywhere, and the mosquito net that once hung on the ceiling, 
was ripped right off the hook and now laid in a heap on her floor. She 
was nowhere to be found. Then he saw, that a light was on in the 
bathroom, and of course the door was locked, so he broke the lock again 
and there, on the floor in front of her vanity was Cadhla.  She was as 
pale as a ghost..... and she was wearing black short shorts and a short 
white tank top, the sight made him cringe. He could see all of her 
ribs, her legs were like tooth picks and when he turned to look at her 
back, her shoulder blades didn't have anything on them, her spine was 
very visible. 

“ Sara grab a damp rag! Oh my god.... baby what have you been putting
yourself through?” When she came back with a wet towel, she saw her 
sister and she got a really scared look on her face. 

“ Is she okay?” 

“ I think she just fainted.... she'll be fine though, she is
unconscious.” 

“ Should I call my mom?” 

“ No... something tells me your sis doesn't want anyone to know what is
going on. I'll talk to her, and try and see what is going on. Until 
then, you can't tell anyone anything... not until she can tell me 
herself.” 

“ Okay... we got to get her better though, my mom is due home in half an
hour.” After15 minutes of trying to wake her, she finally gained 
consciousness. Her hands were starting to shake, and she was looking 
around the room, until she realized that Chris was looking down at her. 


“ Cadhla are you okay?” he asked, holding her hand, and moving her hair
from her face. She just stared at him.... her eyes big with fear. 

“ What happened?” Sara asked. 

“ I was having really bad chest pains that's all I remember.” 

“ That doesn't explain why you tore up your room.” Chris pointed out. 

“ That is none of your business... why are you here anyway?” 

“ Well... I left work, to talk to you. I was banging at the door and
your sister tried to call you but you didn't answer the phone, luckily 
she came over and unlocked the door. You scared us to death. Your mom 
will be home in ten minutes, get yourself cleaned up I'm gonna help 
your sister fix the doors and stuff.” without another word, he shut the 
bathroom door and let Cadhla take a real quick shower. Sara was 
straightening up Cadhla's room, so he thought he should help. He 
started gathering papers when all of the sudden he came across the poem 
she wrote.  He couldn't believe his eyes she admitted that she loved 
him, he could tell that they were about him by the date they were 
written.... then he noticed there was writing on the back and the 
different emotions towards him... he didn't know what to say. He just 
put all of the papers on her desk next to her bed, hung the mosquito 
net back up, and fixed both doors the best he could. He left without 
saying goodbye to Cadhla, and told Sara, that she would be just fine. 

When he got back to work, Steve was sitting behind the counter, giving
him an evil glare as he walked in. Chris didn't say a word, he just 
walked behind his register and ignored every word Steve was saying. He 
didn't need to hear anything right now, he knew that he took over an 
hour at Cadhla's... but his job wasn't near as  important. He was 
worried that he would lose her forever, the look in her eyes as he said 
he needed to talk to her was very upsetting. The poem that he read, 
that was evidence as what a jerk he had been to her. What was he going 
to do now? He knew that just saying sorry wouldn't cut it, he didn't 
know how to get her back. So after work, he just went straight home and 
sat on the couch.  After contemplating it, he decided to give her a 
call. 

“ Hello?” 

“ Cad... I was just calling, to see how you were doing.” After nothing
but silence he continued. “ I'm so sorry, I shouldn't have pushed you 
into anything you weren't ready for. Please... can I come over?” 

Then, without another word she hung up. She didn't want to hear anything
he had to say, she didn't want to be bothered with any men right now.  
Twenty minutes later, the door bell rang, she wiped her eyes and 
climbed out of bed. She knew who it was, and said go away, but still he 
continued to ring the door bell. She opened up the door, and there he 
was standing out in the rain. 

“ Cadhla I know that, you don't want to get back together, but just hear
me out.  I never meant to hurt you, I was being so ignorant and I 
didn't respect your answer. I haven't been able ta think straight and 
I'm sorry. Besides being sorry, I am worried sick about you, what have 
you been doing to yourself?” 

She was trying to fight back the tears, she didn't want anyone to find
out, and now it was starting. When she didn't answer him, they just 
stared at each other, he finally took the hint, gave a nod, got in the 
car, then left. She didn't want to think about him, let alone see him, 
she went inside and just sat on the couch staring at the wall. However 
she couldn't help it, no matter how hard she tried he was in her mind. 

“ That bastard! Thinkin he can just show up and get into my fricken
personal life.” She yelled. Then she thought of how he saved her... she 
was very grateful for that, if it weren't for him she wouldn't know 
what would have happened. Interrupting, her thoughts, Sara walked into 
the room. 

“ Cad you scared the crap outta me, and you really scared Chris thank
God he was here. What's happening to you?” 

“ There is nothing happening to me, besides for the fact that moron
wants to get into my personal life, that is none of his fricken 
business.” 

“ That moron, saved your life Cad, he is worried about you and so am I.”


“ Well thanks for caring, but I'm fine.... I just fainted that's all,
it's a common thing.” 

“ It's not common to destroy your room,  that you worked so hard to make
it beautiful.” 

“ Just leave me alone for awhile.” 

“ Fine, you don't have to tell me, but you need to thank Chris, I
couldn't have done that on my own, and your very lucky mom doesn't 
know.  No, I won't say a word, if things don't get better I will.” 

Cadhla went up to her room, so scared a feeling that she tried to hide
with anger at everyone. Chris for not leaving her alone, the thought 
that Sara would open her big mouth to her mother, and the person that 
she was most mad at was herself. She didn't want to get in a 
relationship, where strings would be attached, she did however, and she 
couldn't escape it. She walked over to the mirror and stared at the 
person she had become.  Her skin had turned a putrid shade of yellow, 
she was freezing all the time, and she has had chest pains. These were 
not the thoughts that filled her mind though, she was thinking that 
what she was doing was the right thing. She deserved to punish herself, 
for falling for men that she couldn't have, for having sex when she 
should have waited, and for her parents' divorce. She then opened her 
box, and the money she had been losing, to punish herself when she 
tried to eat was in a huge pile. Some nights, she would just add a 
dollar, then if she was really mad at herself, it could be as much as a 
twenty..... money that she earned for babysitting the girls down the 
street. She decided to count the money, to exactly how high the price 
was at, the price of her pain. $75. 32! She was having two different 
feelings, happy at her punishment, but mad that she was losing that 
amount of cash. Putting everything away, she laid back against her 
pillows, drifting off into a deep slumber. 

She dreamt, that she was competing in the state track competition. She
looked in the crowd and saw the waves and chants from people that loved 
her, her sister, her dad, Katie, Ryan, Matt, and many of her other 
classmates. As she started off running, she noticed that the track 
turned into a street, and that the people were fading away, however she 
could still hear their chants in her mind. Her heart pounding deep 
within her, her feet feeling so weightless, as if she could run 
forever. The world around her started to fog up, she was still running 
but was unable to see where she was headed. She was so thoughtless, she 
just let herself go where ever her feet carried her. She listened to 
her breathing, her heart beating and the sound of her feet, with every 
step she took. Faster and faster, she was running, energy flowed 
through her veins, as if it she stopped, that her life would come to a 
drastic end. Then suddenly she stopped, the fog just cleared up in the 
blink of an eye. Where a stop sign could have been placed, there was a 
sign that read “Optional Decisions”. Then she noticed, she was standing 
in the middle of an intersection. The chants that filled her mind, were 
now shouts for her to choose a path. CADHLA WHICH ROAD WILL YOU TAKE? 
CHOOSE NOW BEFORE IT'S TOO LATE! They were voices she recognized. Chris 
was standing on one path, telling her to trust him, and she thought of 
being in his arms once again. He was smiling and held out his hand for 
her to take. The path to the left of her, showed many signs, one said 
CADHLA FOR HOMECOMING! and another sign far off on a billboard that 
said FORGET YOUR TROUBLES CHOOSE THIS PATH. Then suddenly, on the other 
side of the intersection she could hear her mother screaming for help. 
She just stood there in confusion, the man she loved, her mother, or 
her troubles taken away? Their words were taking over her mind, she 
just screamed and threw herself crying in the middle of the 
intersection, but still their persuading words flowed louder and 
louder. Then screaming she woke up. Her hands shaking and her eyes 
filled with tears..... she just sat up, and thought to herself so 
afraid. She realized that she was still in love with the same man that 
hurt her. She was in a state of confusion, why would her mom be 
screaming for help? The big question that came to her mind was.... What 
do I do? She knew that her dream was a warning or a sign, will that 
dream change her decisions and actions, or will she stay on the 
path.... one that lead to unhappiness, and may not return? Either one 
she would chose, she could be blinded, and deceived just as easily as 
she has before. She didn't  want to think about it anymore, she decided 
to that behind her and get ready for school. 


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