Blair Backs Baccy (standard:humor, 465 words)
Author: Olygs	Added: Nov 15 2001	Views/Reads: 3394/1	Story vote: 0.00 (0 votes)
A short newspaper article

Blair Backs Baccy 

Tony Blair has begged hard drug users to ‘contribute to the war against
terrorism.’ Hard drug users have for many years been buying such 
hallucinogenics as heroin and cocaine from Eastern countries. One of 
Afghanistan’s major sources of income for the past few years has been 
the drugs trade, and the huge profits earned from it has financed most 
of the Talibans’ armaments. Thus Tony asks users to try and switch to 
other mind enhancing substances such as marijuana, or preferably 
tobacco. He would also like to make it known that he has endorsed 
limited amounts of special ‘non-eastern’ brands of cocaine. Addicts 
should go to the website www.nicedrugs.gov.uk or visit their local 
dealer, who will have been informed on the situation, in order to 
obtain information on this. 

Blair would also like to make it known that non-drug users can also
help. He would like more people to smoke, in order that the government 
can spend the ridiculously large amount of tax generated by cigarettes 
on Mark II cluster bombs. Although he would not like to specifically 
target youngsters, he does add that cigarettes make you look ‘cool’, 
and that ‘it doesn’t hurt to try them.’ He would also like to add that 
it is simple enough to get a fake ID from the back of any respectable 
youth magazine. 

Alcohol has also been on Labour’s agenda, with the new slogan ‘Happy
drinks, happy times.’ Blair would also like to point out that Euan is 
trying his hardest to get the new reforms going, and that he has 
already planned several drinking binges for the coming weeks. When 
asked about this Euan replied that he would do ‘anything for his 
country’ and modestly continued on to say that his contribution was 
only ‘a small step towards a greater goal.’ 

Tory MP’s say the situation is disgusting, and that far too much
emphasis has been put on cigarettes, when everyone knows that normal 
people smoke cigars. The person in charge of the Tory party is 
particularly upset: ‘Mummy says only bad men smoke cigarettes. I think 
Mr. Blair is a bad man.’ 

Of course, tobacco companies are delighted; share prices in Marlboro,
Silk Cut and BAT have climbed enormously since Blair made his speech, 
although, strangely, Camel share prices have crashed. 

The boys on the front are pleased as well, although they have been
warned that the idea’s, especially concerning alcohol do not apply to 
them. ‘As long as it means we can wreak more havoc on defenceless 
Afghans, I’m happy,’ one young hot shot commented this morning. After 
hearing what the money would go towards he continued: ‘I particularly 
like the Mark II, the noise it makes is so satisfying.’ 

More information on Blair’s speech can be found on page 7. 


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