Don’t Knock on the Door If You Like Breathing (standard:humor, 906 words)
Author: Godspenman	Added: Mar 24 2024	Views/Reads: 308/219	Story vote: 0.00 (0 votes)
Man will fail me, but God will never fail me. I’m going to put my trust in God, not man.

I'm unsure if this is a new phenomenon or I'm just starting to catch up
on the culture. I know I have a lot to catch up on, and I'm slowly 
doing it. 

Lately, there's been a lot of activity at our front door. 

That's not to diminish the activity at the back porch door. That
activity has to do with a variety of critters in the neighborhood. The 
food dish is out there, and the critters come throughout the day at 
their own discretion. It is an open invitation. 

Two cats live on the porch, about three cats visit us to have something
to eat, two possums show up regularly, and, last but not least, three 
raccoons show up nightly. 

These critters come for the food I put out daily. I welcome them to the
porch and to the food, unlike The Gracious Mistress of the Parsonage, 
who makes sure they never get inside the house. 

But the front door is a different situation altogether. I've noticed
lately that the activity and visitors to our front door has increased 
and that just frustrates me to no end. 

When I answer the door, there will be somebody who has something for me
that I just can't turn away. If only he knew. 

When anybody tells me they can do something for free and that it will
lower some bills in the house, I know what they are saying is not true 
at all. If it was free, how in the world do they get paid? 

Several of them talked about the idea of climate control. If we switch
over to solar panel power, we will solve the climate control problems. 

Once, when they were telling me how  much money I could save, I
interrupted them and said, “If you're really interested in helping me 
save money, how about paying my electric bill for the year. That I 
would be interested in.” 

He looked at me as though I was an idiot. I think he was seeing his
reflection in my eyes. 

Another group of people that come to our front door has to do with our
security system. They want to come in and examine our security system, 
and then they have a proposition for a brand-new security system that 
won't cost me anything. 

I may be a country boy, but I have two brain cells that are still
working. I know why they want to come in and examine my security 
system. The purpose is to be able to understand what my security is, 
and then they can override that security system and rob me. 

They want to go through my house to see all of the treasures I have that
they can steal for their profit. I would pay them a finder's fee if 
they found any money in our house. I've been looking for years and have 
come up empty. 

If I let them in, and that'll never happen, I will only let them see my
library, where I have approximately 8,500 books. If they plan to steal 
some of my books, they are dumber than the dead possum up the street. I 
have nothing worth anything that a smart-minded person would want to 
steal. 

I was sitting in my office doing work when I heard somebody at the front
door. Before I could get up and go to the door, The Gracious Mistress 
of the Parsonage beat me and opened the door. 

“Yes,” she asked, “can I help you?” 

I didn't hear everything, but I listened to the guy at the door go into
his spiel about the solar panel system he wanted to give her. 

“I guarantee,” he said to her with the biggest smile I've seen in a long
time, “that it will cut your electric bill in half or even more.” 

At times like this, I wish we had a security camera to record this


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