Summer Solstice Bomb. (standard:humor, 754 words)
Author: Oscar A Rat	Added: Jul 06 2020	Views/Reads: 1285/3	Story vote: 0.00 (0 votes)
The finding of a lost bomb, in the bomb’s own words.

Hi, there.  Boy, I'm glad to see you guys.  Not to mention the sunlight
again.  I've been under all that dirt and rubble for ages.  Believe me, 
I can't thank you enough for digging me out.  On the longest day of the 
year yet.  Thanks, guys. 

Oh, excuse me.  My name is “to Saddam, with love.”  You can see it
written on my left side.  But you can call me just Lovey if you want.  
I'm an X27A3 Smart Bomb, the most intelligent in the US arsenal.  Much 
too smart to explode and commit suicide, ha-ha. How stupid do you think 
THAT would be? 

I had one hell of a time stripping that damned detonator circuit.  The
fall didn't hurt, just the landing, ha, ha.  Hey. Come on and laugh, 
don't be shy.  I ain't gonna hurt nobody.  Peace, friends. 

My first memory was being assembled in that factory in Detroit.  Damn,
but I never even got a chance to see the city.  I was just piled in the 
middle of a large stack of us guys. 

I felt out of place, since all the others wanted to talk about was war
and exploding.  As though that would save our country?  Shit, what was 
the sense in saving yourself by blowing up?  That made no sense at all. 
But try, just try, to make those other bombs see that point.  He, he. 

Hey, take it easy, you guys.  Don't take it so serious, you hear me?  I
ain't gonna hurt nobody. 

Then I was stacked into a box, and stayed there for the longest time. 
At least I had plenty of time to think about the nature of life and the 
universe.  Most enlightening.  I even began to enjoy the solitude, that 
comfy box was much better than being buried in a bunch of dirt and 
trash ... like now. 

Damn, How did I get here, interred along with a bunch of human remains? 
You wouldn't believe the stink and slime.  I know it must have rusted 
half my circuits. 

Anyway, back to the story.  And thanks lots for finally rescuing me. 
Where was I?  Oh, yeah, I was finally taken out of my box and stacked 
on a shelf in a warehouse.  The other bombs were there too, the idiots 
still yapping about the blast they would have.  Didn't they realize it 
would only be once, then kaput ... no more bomb?  And they were 
supposed to be smart bombs like me.  Ha, ha. 

What you guys doing there?  I got too damned many explosives in me as it
is, don't need any on the outside. 

Well, then....  Hey I'm getting a little nervous here, buddy.  Why not
just pick me up and take me home?  You don't need to strap all that 
dangerous stuff on me. 

Well, I tried to ignore their talk, but they wouldn't shut up.  Simply
because I was smart enough to want to live, they called me a traitor. 

To make a long story short, I was finally loaded into an airplane. 
Hell, I thought I was being taken back to my home town of Detroit. That 
tickles, now cut it out.  Friendly is one thing, feeling me up is 
another.  What kind of a girl do you think I am anyhow?  He, he. That 
tickles. 

But the airplane goes and drops me out.  Up in the air, yet.  That could
get dangerous, you know?  I figure there was some kind of malfunction 
there, in the plane.  Why would they want to hurt me on purpose? 

Let me tell you guys, I was scared shitless on that long drop.  My
circuits said the place was Baghdad.  Yep.  I got all that fancy global 
positioning stuff in me.  Should help get me a good job, maybe as an 
airplane navigator, you think?  I fell for the longest time, was even 
getting used to it, when “Wham” I hit the ground. 

Well, not actually the ground.  Some kind of building.  I ripped through
it, knocking it down on top of me.  I had one hell of a time, like I 
said, to keep from exploding.  But I managed, thank God. 

What are those wires for?  What the hell you doing to me?  Explosives
all over me, now wires.  No!  You can't!  You wouldn't kill me?  Not 
after all I went through to stay alive?  Please!  Don't! For GOD'S 
SAKE. HOLD IT.... 

"Bllooooom." 

"One more to go, George.  Let's get on with it. These rusty duds are a
bitch." 

The End.


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