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Snow White, A Western. Adult. (standard:humor, 2271 words) | |||
Author: Oscar A Rat | Added: Jul 06 2020 | Views/Reads: 1158/835 | Story vote: 0.00 (0 votes) |
Poor Snow had a rough childhood fraught with perils from an evil mother. She finds help from seven dwarfs and a cowboy prince. | |||
When Bertha Simmons was a little girl living on a scratch-farm outside of DudShot, Kansas, she was considered a pretty little baby. Her family made a scant living working a hillside farm. Their land was the cheapest in the territory, being on a thirty to forty degree angle. Her father and mother didn't mind a whole lot. Being from Kentucky, they both had one leg inches shorter than the other from walking around the hills. They could walk upright, at least in one direction, hopping on one foot while returning. Little Bertha though, was born normal. Her early years were spent trying to learn to stand on a slant, and to keep from falling down when she did manage to stand. All those falls made an impression on the infant, literally, slightly flattening one side of her head. Such an indentation that as a teenager Bertha grew her luxurious red hair longer on that side to cover it. Bertha grew up to be a very beautiful girl, albeit a little strange. Being a vain girl, and a lonely one, her best friend was her mirror. She was the only child within twenty miles and there were no schools except for prairie dog schools. Every afternoon, after leaving her furry friends, she would bring her homework home and spend an hour looking in the mirror. "Who is the most beautiful girl in the whole wide world?" she would ask it. Of course, she always got the same answer back from a mirror that only saw her and her mother -- her old, fat, ugly mother. "You are, Bertha. Ain't no one more lovely," the mirror would reply. Bertha would then give a little dance on the slanty floor and promptly fall on her head again. Actually she would roll downhill but be stopped by a bedroom wall. Well, eventually Bertha grew older and her parents let her go to town to sell the cow for magic beans.... Oops, wrong story.... To buy the weekly apples. Her entire family were apple addicts, but all they could grow were lopsided fruits, which weren't as valuable as round ones. At first, she tended to walk in circles. When her parents pointed her north she would eventually end up in the town to the east. Once Bertha grew up and found she was different, in that both legs were the same length and she could walk a straight line, the trip became a whole lot easier. Next door to the fruit store, there was a saloon, the "Long Branch Sporting Man's Club." One day teenage Bertha ran into the owner. After picking her up from a mud puddle, he offered to help clean her, now dirty, blue jeans. The friendly man even took Bertha upstairs and showed her some nifty games to play while her jeans and underwear dried. Since she liked the games, she made a point of looking him up whenever she came to town. They were good games that she always won. And Mr. White would give her a nice shiny quarter when she did. After a few months, Mr. White even let her play with some of his friends from the bar downstairs, and they also gave her nice shiny quarters. One day her father noticed Bertha's tummy growing larger. "What happened to you, girl?" He often called her that, actually a lot of other four-letter names too. "I guess I've been eating too many apples, Papa." Her mother came over to look. "Is that what they call them these days?" Mama asked. "It's not the apples that does it, honey, it's that long hard stem. And eating apples or stem doesn't make you fat, child. You haven't been too familiar with those prairie dogs at school, have you? We don't want any mixed marriages for our girl." Soon after that, Bertha left the farm. She married her friend, Mr. Click here to read the rest of this story (205 more lines)
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