The Archbishop and the Dragon 2.7k (standard:fairy tales, 2663 words)
Author: Oscar A Rat	Added: Jun 19 2020	Views/Reads: 1436/974	Story vote: 0.00 (0 votes)
The king of England orders an adviser to chase a dragon from the island. The adviser objects since the dragon, Gargoyle or Gargie is gentle and even gives gifts every Christmas. A visiting archbishop is given the task.

Jimmy the First, King of England, sitting in all his royal splendor,
turned to his adviser, Elmer. 

“We just gotta do something about that damned dragon. How do you think
it looks for me to be harboring one in my domain? The other kings laugh 
at me behind my back. I know they do. I saw Princess Gloriana 
snickering the other day. She had this children's book about a dragon 
on her lap and was looking between it and me. I'm a laughing stock in 
my own kingdom.” 

“The dragon doesn't hurt anything, much anyway, Sire. And it does give
us presents of jewels at Christmas,” Elmer reminded his Lord. "Your 
Friday afternoon crown wouldn't be complete without him." 

“Not much, you say? What about the time that dragon burned down the
stable at Lincolnshim? It cooked eight horses that time.” 

“I know, but he also paid for rebuilding the stable, bigger and better
than before. Gargie gets colds in the winter. When he coughs he 
breathes fire.” 

“I don't care. Get rid of it. A dastardly thing to have lying around.
Kill it and we still get all its jewels,” King Jimmy ordered. 

Elmer shrugged. Too bad, but he had to follow orders or lose his head. 

*** 

Elmer rode a carriage to the local church and asked to talk to Bishop
Nakuma. 

The bishop looked resplendent in yellow robes and black skin. He met
Elmer in his private chambers. 

“Well, Elmer, why not just send a couple of knights to get rid of Garg
... the dragon. I hardly see that it involves the church.” 

“I don't want to really hurt him. Those knights tend to get physical. I
only want him to leave the Kingdom until the king forgets.” 

“Maybe we could use the Archbishop of Rouen. Those sorry French are
sending him here to visit. That would be one way I could get the 
sanctimonious asshole out of London.” 

“You don't like the archbishop?” 

“He's one of those ‘holier than thou' guys. I hear he often brags about
fighting dragons, though. It would be interesting if he were exposed as 
a faker.” 

“Wait till he finds out that Gargouille is a religious dragon, goes to
mass every Sunday.” 

As the bishop showed Elmer out, they laughed all the way to the door. 

*** 

The Archbishop of Rouen was in a terrible mood as his carriage entered
the outskirts of London. For one thing he was angry in being forced to 
visit that hick town. He was used to civilization in Paris and the 
squalor of London added to his attitude. 

Urchins followed his carriage and had to be manually picked off the
vehicle like lice. Dirty hands pierced velvet curtains to beg for 
coins, only to disappear as his footmen plucked the children away. The 
smell of raw sewage permeated heavily humidified air. Even breathing 
through three silk hankies couldn't ease the stench. 

The vehicle came to an abrupt stop and he was thrown forward on his
seat, papers flying. While he was picking up his notes, the conveyance 
suddenly jerked forward again, throwing him back into his seat. The 
archbishop muttered words not proper for an archbishop to think, much 
less voice. 

The noise abated as the carriage entered church grounds and pulled up to


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