Proper etiquette for returning Christmas gifts (standard:humor, 903 words)
Author: Godspenman	Added: Dec 28 2019	Views/Reads: 1308/2	Story vote: 0.00 (0 votes)
The gift God gives is one that you will have no reason to return.

The Christmas frenzy is over, and the Gracious Mistress of the Parsonage
and Yours Truly are sitting back surveying our Christmas plunder. Only 
a few days ago, the house was ablaze with Christmas lights, and the 
rafters were echoing with Christmas delight. Now, much to my delight, 
quietness is tiptoeing through our house. 

Why is it that something as wonderful as Christmas takes so long to
prepare and goes by so quickly? As it stands today, there are only 360 
more days until the next Christmas. I do not think I have enough time 
to get ready to do this all over again. 

However, the countdown begins. With the odd chance that something can be
done, I propose that we celebrate Christmas every even year because of 
so many odd years in my life. 

In surveying my Christmas plunder, several thoughts, like sugarplums,
are dancing in my head. The primary thought is simply, what am I going 
to do with all these gifts? I have enough gifts to last me the rest of 
my life if I live to be 100. Of course, if I live to be 110, I may need 
another gift. 

My gifts range in several categories. 

In the first category, there is aftershave, cologne and deodorant.
Obviously, those who know me the best think I stink. The first thing 
that comes to their mind when they think of me is the Bible verse, "by 
now he stinketh" (John 11:39). At least they are biblical. 

I just would like everybody to know that come Saturday night, regular as
clockwork, and I take a bath whether I need it or not. I would give you 
that I need it more than I don't. The best time to sniff me is Sunday 
morning, fresh from my Saturday night shower and after I have doused 
myself with my Christmas cologne. Apart from that, I give no 
guarantees. 

I am tempted, for some family function, to douse myself with every brand
of aftershave and cologne I have received as Christmas presents. Maybe 
somebody will get the hint that I have enough. 

The second category of Christmas gifts is clothing. This covers a large
area ... I'm a big man. Two sizes are associated with the Christmas 
clothing I get each year. Either they are too small or too big. None of 
my relatives knows me that well. 

The only clothing that fits me is neckties — and I have enough neckties
to have a nice necktie party. I do have a candidate in mind, actually 
several candidates. 

When it comes to Christmas presents, there are only two kinds I really
accept each year. Presents I like, and presents from people I like. As 
a general rule, I do not accept presents from people I do not like. 

As of this date, I have not had an occasion to refuse such a gift from
such a person. But I still have my principle, if not their interest. 

All this brings me to my current dilemma. What can I do with all these
Christmas presents, especially the ones I cannot wear or use? What is 
the best thing to do, re-gift, or return these Christmas presents? 

I like the idea of returning presents I cannot use or wear in exchange
for something I can use or wear. It is a simple matter of going back to 
the mall and negotiating the exchange. 

Of course, before I can negotiate the exchange, I have to wage war with
millions of people wanting to do the same thing. Although it is nice to 
know you are on the same page as other people, I just wish I were 
reading another book. 

If you think the mall is a dangerous place prior to Christmas, try going
there the day after Christmas. 

It never fails, by the time I have waited in line for my turn to do the
exchange; they no longer have my size and give me a rain check. I 
really hate it when it rains on my parade. 

Then there is the idea of re-gifting. I am beginning to like this idea
more and more. For this reason, when I unwrap my presents, I am very 
careful not to tear the wrapping paper. This way, I not only have next 
year's Christmas present, but I have the wrapping paper to go with it. 

The first Christmas I thought of this was a high watermark day in my
life. I was proud of myself to be able to kill several birds with one 
stone. Unbeknownst to me, the biggest bird I killed was myself. This 
did not show itself until the following Christmas when, by not giving 
this proper thought, I gave people the gift they gave me the previous 
Christmas. Believe me; I had a lot of "splaining" to do. 

Nobody tells you this about Christmas in those etiquette books, but if
you are going to re-gift a Christmas present, make sure you remember 
who gave it to you in the first place. 

It is difficult trying to find the perfect gift as only one person has
mastered the finesse of it. The Bible says, "Every good gift and every 
perfect gift is from above, and cometh down from the Father of lights, 
with whom is no variableness, neither shadow of turning." James 1:17). 

The gift God gives is one that you will have no reason to return.


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