The Soul of Me (Part 5) (standard:drama, 4156 words) [5/11] show all parts
Author: Maya	Added: May 05 2001	Views/Reads: 2733/1959	Part vote: 0.00 (0 votes)
Heidi's getting help, but is she doing it for the right reasons?

*The diagnosis and treatment of depression and other psychiatric
disorders requires trained medical professionals. I am not a medical 
professional. This is just a story.  Nothing written here should be 
taken as advice.* 

I had third and fourth period (history and French) to get through before
I had to meet with my parents, Mr. James, and the psychologist, or 
before I could meet Aaron.  I had so many thoughts and emotions running 
rampant through my mind that it was very difficult for me to 
concentrate on any one thing at a time.  The hands on the clock seemed 
to move at a snail’s pace.  I thought each class would never end.  It 
was a cruel joke, and I’d had enough of those. 

Even though I knew I was taking the right steps, I was very nervous
about talking to my parents.  I was afraid that would change how my 
parents saw me and treated me.  I didn’t want them to feel they had to 
walk on egg shells around me.  I also didn’t want them to blame 
themselves or think I was crazy.  My parents were not really my 
problem.  I had to make them understand this.  The psychologist would 
help, but I was even nervous about meeting her. 

Part of me wanted to blow this meeting off and just go on handling
things alone. Part of me didn’t want to feel alone anymore.  My life 
was about to change.  I knew I couldn’t deal with the way my life was 
currently going, but I wasn’t sure I was going to be able to deal with 
any changes, either.  My life was in an upheaval.  In many ways, the 
misery and loneliness I felt was more comforting – more reassuring -  
than thoughts of what was yet to come.  These were unknown variables, 
and they terrified me.  Not for the first time that day, I wished I 
could start yesterday over. 

Then there was Aaron.  I wanted to meet him in the library, but I knew I
had to make it short. I wondered absently what he wanted to talk to me 
about.  Probably, it was just about the book report.  I didn’t really 
care what it was about.  I was happy to talk to him about anything just 
so I could hear his lovely voice and see his beautiful smile.  I was 
very curious, though.  I was going to meet him just long enough to let 
him know I was back at school, but that I didn’t really have time to 
talk.  We’d have to talk later.  English class was right after lunch 
period anyway.  I don’t know why he couldn’t wait until then.  I guess 
I’d find out. 

Finally.  I heard the bell ring signaling the end of fourth period. 
Apparently, so did the butterflies in my stomach.  All of a sudden they 
started fluttering like crazy.  I was even more anxious than I was 
admitting to myself.  The urge to just take off and ignore my problems 
was unbelievably strong.  It took everything I had not to march out of 
that room, off campus, and out of this life.  I was stumbling on the 
brink of denial.  This morning I was ready for help, I needed help.  
The more time that passed, the more it was becoming easier to believe 
everyone, including myself, was overreacting – blowing things way out 
of proportion.  I took a deep breath to summon my courage, gathered my 
books, left the classroom and headed for the library.  Aaron would be 
able to distract me from the inevitable for at least a few minutes. 

Our high school campus is set up in such a way that each department has
it’s own building.  The buildings were arranged more or less in a 
circular pattern with the library being the hub.  Each building was 
connected by wide (but not wide enough) pathways – most of them 
covered.  If it was raining, you could get to each building without 
getting wet.  You’d probably be late for class in some cases, but you’d 
be dry.  It was not raining this day, so I took the more direct route 
to the library. 

I had just turned the corner at the front of the library when I saw Kyle
walking toward me with a group of his friends.  He was obviously going 
toward the Student Union Building where the lockers and cafeteria were. 
 I should have gone the long way around to the library.  I wanted so 
badly to avoid him today.  ‘Maybe he’ll just ignore me.’  I thought.  
Keeping my eyes averted, I continued on my way hoping to quickly pass 
by him. 

“Look out guys.  I feel an earthquake.”  Kyle and his friends laughed
like it was the funniest thing they’d ever heard.  Damn!  Wasn’t 
anything ever going to go my way again.  I hated this person.  At this 


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