“Here’s My Hammer If You Need It” (standard:humor, 904 words)
Author: Godspenman	Added: Oct 14 2018	Views/Reads: 1825/1210	Story vote: 0.00 (0 votes)
Some things are too broken to fix for any person except God. There is no person so broken that he cannot fix and fix for eternity.

I am not known as “Mr. Fix-It Man”. When it comes to mechanical things,
I am really handy-challenged. I can do many things, but I cannot fix 
anything. 

When talking about the Gracious Mistress of the Parsonage, it is a
different story. If there is something she cannot fix then it isn't 
broken. No matter what is broken or how long it has been broken, she 
somehow can fix it. I do not know how she does it, and believe me, I am 
not going to ask. 

There is nothing I cannot break and there is nothing she cannot fix. We
make a wonderful team as long as I keep that scenario in my mind. 

If I, for whatever reason, think I can fix something, I am in deep
trouble. The more I try to fix something, the more broken it becomes. I 
have learned long ago to own up to this in my life. 

I think it is wonderful to know what you cannot do. That eliminates
trying to do something and failing every time. It is more wonderful to 
know who can fix what you break. 

“Honey,” I say in a very sympathetic tone, “I broke this. Would you be
able to fix it for me?” 

“Of course,” she will reply with a silly little grin on her face, “let
me have it.” 

And I do. 

The only thing I could ever fix is something needing a hammer. I can
hammer something, but I can't screw or unscrew a bolt. Of course, I can 
screw anything up with a hammer. 

A long time ago, I learned how to handle this. Whenever anything breaks
in the parsonage I immediately say, “Should I get my hammer and try to 
fix it?” To which I get a resounding “Nooooooo”. 

I then say, “Well, if you need me just call for me.” And I know I will
never be called. 

If I had the time, I would calculate how much money we have saved during
our marriage by having her fix things that were broken. I think it 
would be an amazing amount of money. 

A few weeks back the front plastic bumper on my truck broke and was
hanging. I casually mentioned it to my wife not expecting anything. 
About 30 minutes later she came in and said, “I got your truck fixed.” 

I am not sure how much that saved me on auto repair but I sure thanked
her and then took her out for lunch. After all, what's a husband 
supposed to do? 

This all came to a head just a couple weeks ago. It is the beginning of
a political cycle. We know it is a political cycle because all of the 
politicians are rather dizzy. My apologies to all the blondes out 
there. 

We kept hearing the same phrase from every politician that was running.
“Washington is broken and I'm going there to fix it.” 

I was ignoring it because I know that every politician has their tongue
detached from their brain. Can you imagine what would really happen if 
we had intelligent people running for office? 

As we were listening to some of these advertisements, my wife turned to
me and said, “There, you could help them fix Washington.” 

I just looked at her and said, “Huh.” I did not get anything that she
was saying with that. 

“You're always wanting to help fix things around here, why don't you
offer to help fix Washington?” 

I did not know if I should laugh or if I should be angry. 



Click here to read the rest of this story (41 more lines)