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The Soul of Me (Part 3) (standard:drama, 3982 words) [3/11] show all parts | |||
Author: Maya | Added: May 01 2001 | Views/Reads: 2755/2072 | Part vote: 0.00 (0 votes) |
Desperate - Heidi plans her way out. THIS IS *NEVER* THE WAY OUT! THERE IS ALWAYS A BETTER SOLUTION. | |||
I walked aimlessly in the direction of my house for awhile. Trying to think. Trying not to think. I tried to get a grip on all the emotions I was going through. I just couldn’t control them. I wondered how Kyle even knew I was helping Aaron with his paper. Why he’d even care that I was helping him, but I knew the answer to that. It was just one more thing he could use as ammunition in his personal war against me. I wondered why he hated me so much. Why did he spend so much of his energy ruining my life. Was it somehow his job to destroy me? I think right then I hated myself more than I hated Kyle. I was ugly. I was a fat slob. Who could ever love me? Not Aaron. Not someone as beautiful and popular as Aaron. I had to come back to reality. Aaron just wanted my help. That’s it. After this report was done he’d probably never even talk to me again – never smile at me. Nothing. He’d go on being the popular basketball player, and I’d go on being me. Maybe I didn’t have to go on being me. I knew I could change my life in an instant. It wouldn’t be hard. I could do it. Thousands of teenagers do it every year. Would it be worth it? If I could have the pain gone forever, if I could finally be at peace, if I could just stop thinking, it just might be. I had taken enough abuse. I couldn’t take it any more. Kyle was the last straw. He had placed more than a few straws in the time I’ve known him, but this last one was all this camel could take. No-one understood who I was or what I was going through. I was alone with just my pain and hate for company. It would be better this way – better for me, better for my parents. They didn’t need a big fat albatross around their neck. I knew they’d be sad, but once they got over my being gone, they’d probably be relived. Without me around they’d be free to enjoy their life together. They wouldn’t have to worry about me any more. Jody would miss me, too, but she’d bounce right back. Now she could accept all those invitations that she turned down because of me. She’d be popular – like she should be. Aaron. My sweet Aaron. He didn’t even know what kind of pleasure he gave to me just by walking the earth. The dreams just weren’t enough any more. If I were gone he’d hardly notice. He could easily find someone else to help him with his school work. As much as he meant to me, I knew I meant nothing to him. There was no-one else. No-one on this entire planet that would care if I was no longer on it. Was this the way out of my troubles? I couldn’t think. My mind was spinning and spinning. I couldn’t think. I couldn’t stop thinking. I couldn’t stop crying. I don’t even know when I started to cry. My body had a will of its own. My mind could not keep up. I felt like the decision was taken out of my hands, and I was grateful for this. I was on auto-pilot. No-one was at my house when I finally got there. Of course no-one was at my house. It was only about 1:30. My parents were both hard working people. I went straight into my parents bathroom. I knew in the medicine cabinet I would find a bottle of Percocet that my dad had for pain after he had surgery on his shoulder about 6 months ago. With shaking hands I took out the bottle and counted the pills inside. There were 22 left. Would that be enough? Combined with alcohol I thought it just might be. I hoped it would. My body still running on adrenaline, I went into the kitchen, stood on a chair, and searched the back of the cupboard above the refrigerator. There, hidden behind seldom used crystal and silver, was a full bottle of Irish whisky - just where I knew it would be. My dad had received this from his employer last Christmas. My dad didn’t even drink. I guess that shows how well my dad’s boss knows his employees. I got the bottle down, put the chair back where it belonged and took both the bottle and he pills up to my room. What was supposed to happen now? Did I write a note? Did I take all the pills all at once then start drinking? Did I drink the booze first? No. If I took all the pills at the same time especially after drinking a lot of alcohol I’d probably just throw them up. I’d be sick, but not dead. Sick would be worse than being dead. I would take a few. Drink a some whisky. Take a few more. Drink some more. Alternating between the two until it was all over. The note. I knew I had to write a note. My parents needed to know that this was in no way their fault. They were the best parents I could Click here to read the rest of this story (326 more lines)
This is part 3 of a total of 11 parts. | ||
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