The Only Contest I Really Win Each Year (standard:humor, 905 words)
Author: Godspenman	Added: Nov 27 2016	Views/Reads: 2006/1406	Story vote: 0.00 (0 votes)
Between now and the end of the year our house is going to be a mad dash for the stores in preparation for Christmas. This time of the year, I lay low and try to be as invisible as possible. If I hide in the shadows of the parsonage and do not speak, I am

Between now and the end of the year our house is going to be a mad dash
for the stores in preparation for Christmas. 

This time of the year, I lay low and try to be as invisible as possible.
If I hide in the shadows of the parsonage and do not speak, I am in 
pretty good shape. I have been practicing this for over 40 years, so I 
have reached a certain level of proficiency. 

Having a wife and two daughters has been a challenge, especially at this
time of the year. My son and I have survived and so I am sure I will 
make it through another year. However, I am not taking anything for 
granted. 

I am somewhat of a competitive person, in some degree. I like a good
challenge and I certainly like to win. Going up against the Gracious 
Mistress of the Parsonage has not been a successful competition. Even 
when she loses, so to speak, she wins. When she wins, I also win, so 
why should I complain? 

The contest at this time of the year is to see how much money these
ladies of the parsonage can save. I have not kept track over the years 
for obvious reasons, so I do not know who is ahead and who is behind. 

I would not say that they were Shopaholics, but I am pretty sure they
are. From my point of view, I am in no position to challenge them on 
this serious addiction. To challenge them thusly, would require several 
weeks in a rehabilitation center for myself. Who wants to go there 
during the holidays? 

I try not to keep track, but I believe it all begins with what is called
“Black Friday.” I am not sure why it is called “Black Friday” because 
after it is all over my checkbook is in deep red. 

On this audacious holiday, if it can be called a holiday, I keep out of
their way. 

They will start early in the morning and throughout the day they will
come home to unload and boast to me about how much money they saved. 
Then, off they go back on the shopping trail. For my part, I would 
never want to stand between them and their shopping destination 
because, I just have grown accustomed to living. 

Although I am not much into shopping, I know when to shop and when not
to shop. The purpose of my shopping is not to see how much I can save. 
If I want to save money, I will stay home and drink a nice hot cup of 
coffee. 

Halfway through the shopping season, my wife and I were sitting in the
living room drinking our evening coffee and she was explaining to me 
her shopping plan. The more she talked the less I understood. I did not 
know you needed a plan to go shopping. My plan is very simple, do not 
go shopping! 

I happen to notice that one of our spare bedrooms was getting rather
full of her shopping items. I just walked by the bedroom, glanced in 
and quickly walked down the hall as far away as possible. If there is 
one thing I do not want to do around this time of year, it is wrapping 
Christmas presents. 

One year I was enticed into wrapping Christmas presents, I did such a
bad job, I was never invited to do it again. I will not say in public 
that I did that on purpose. I just will say, I love it when a plan 
comes together. 

As we were relaxing in the living room, my wife began explaining how
much money she saved this year in shopping. I listened for as long as I 
could. I do not know how much she saved, just what she told me. It is 
almost like a contest with her to see how much money she can save each 
year. 

The biggest challenge is to try to out save her two daughters. They have
been taught by the best and yet I am not sure they have ever beaten her 
in this one contest. 

When there was a little lull in the conversation, I sneaked a the little


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