Pardon My French, S’il Vous Plaît (standard:humor, 908 words)
Author: Godspenman	Added: Sep 11 2016	Views/Reads: 2003/1403	Story vote: 0.00 (0 votes)
Having the right word and understanding it is the glory of living.

When I was young, a saying went around, “Sticks and stones may break my
bones but words/names will never hurt me.” Supposedly it was to make me 
ignore people saying nasty things about me. 

For the most part, I am not too impressed by the words/names people
throw my direction, but I do duck when they throw sticks and stones at 
me. I ducked most of them. It is not the sticks and stones that I duck 
that I worry about; it is the ones that I don't duck. 

I know we live in a PC culture and it is a culture that I cannot keep up
with. I am not sure anybody really keeps up with this kind of thing. 
Every day there is a new word you are not allowed to use or you might 
offend somebody. I try my best not to offend anybody but I must confess 
that it is almost impossible. 

Some people just do not have anything bouncing between their ears. Like
last week, for example. I was minding my own business and I am not 
quite sure what started the whole situation and I do not know who was 
responsible for it. If it was me, I really did not know what I did. 

Suddenly, the man next to me started to scream all kinds of foul
language. Believe me; I think foul language is for the birds. When this 
man realized what he had done, he said the inevitable, “Pardon my 
French.” And he smiled a greasy, slinky smile. 

I was not very much impressed with this turkey's gobbling. If I had an
egg or two on me, I would have thrown it at him with all the strength I 
had. 

I was supposed to forget all that foul language he used because he said
the magic phrase, “Pardon my French.” 

In high school, we had to take a foreign language and so I took three
years of first year French. I must say I flunked each year, but that is 
beside the point. Even though I was not very good at French, I knew 
that what this man was saying was not in any French dictionary I had 
ever looked at. 

I was tempted to look up my French teacher and ask her what these
“French words” meant. But, I'm not a turkey. 

If I was French, and I am not, I certainly would have been offended by
him referring to this foul language that he used as part of the French 
language. It's people like this that I would like to give them a little 
bit of their own medicine. 

Here is how I would do it. I'm not French, but I am Pennsylvania Dutch.
Therefore, I would like to go up to this “French-speaking” person and 
slap him soundly on the right cheek and then say, “Pardon my 
Pennsylvania Dutch.” 

I am not too sure I could get away with it, but there have been many
incidences when I certainly was tempted to try it. 

I must confess I lean towards being offended when people around me use
coarse and foul language. However, in our culture it is okay to use 
foul language whenever you want to. Just as long as you do not use 
other very sensitive and offensive words. 

Every day this word list grows longer and I am not sure who is in charge
of policing politically incorrect words. I found some I thought were a 
little bit silly. 

The word “Alive” for example is, “temporarily metabolically abled.” I do
not know who came up with that but I am still trying to process that 
definition. 

Then there is one word I am a little concerned about and that is “Bald,”
which, according to the dictionary here means, “follicularly 
challenged.” And I thought I was just losing hair! 

Then there is a list of other words. 

“Body Odor” is “non discretionary fragrance.” How many fragrances are
there? 


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