The Vegetable War in the Parsonage (standard:humor, 906 words)
Author: Godspenman	Added: Sep 05 2016	Views/Reads: 2064/1391	Story vote: 0.00 (0 votes)
If my body is the temple of God, as the Bible declares, I need to treat it with respect and whatever I do, I need to do it to the glory of God.

Lately, a little bit of tension has developed between the Gracious
Mistress of the Parsonage and myself. It has been a long time coming 
and I am afraid it has arrived. 

After decades of being married, and I am not quite sure which decades,
it has all come down to this one thing. Vegetables. 

At my age, I think I should be over all this nonsense of what my wife
calls “eating healthy.” Who says eating vegetables is healthy? 

Well, my wife says it. It must be true or she would not say it. I am not
quite sure how to deal with this rather delicate situation. After all, 
she is the one that prepares meals and I am the one that devours the 
meals. 

She believes that because she prepares the meals, she should be the one
to decide what those meals should be made up of. 

Me, on the other hand, and I am not sure it is the right hand or the
left, believe that because I devour those meals I should have something 
to say in what those meals really are. 

Up until recently, I have not made a big issue of this, but I think the
time has come for me to put my foot down. Vegetables and I are parting 
ways. 

It is not that I do not like any vegetables. There are a few I enjoy
munching on, like corn, lima beans and carrot cake. 

That last one gets me in trouble every time. I insist that carrots are a
vegetable of which my wife cannot argue. It is the cake part that she 
says disqualifies it for being a vegetable. I say since the word 
“carrot” comes before “cake” it defines what it really is. A carrot is 
a vegetable. 

You can appreciate, I'm sure, the dilemma I am in. 

“At your delicate age,” she says rather sarcastically, “you should be
eating healthy.” 

My rebuttal is simply that all my life I have been eating healthy now I
should be entering the stage when I can eat what I want to eat and what 
makes me happy rather it is healthy or not. 

Of course, my idea of healthy does not correlate with her idea of
healthy. I understand that, but I also understand it is my health. 

Last month I went to the doctor for my annual visit. As usual, he found
nothing wrong with me and in a little bit of desperation he said, 
“Someone your age should have something wrong with them.” With all of 
his doctoring expertise, he could not find anything wrong with me, 
which means I must be healthy. 

Therefore, I say, somebody my age with nothing wrong with them should be
able to eat exactly what he or she wants to eat. 

I remember all my life whenever going out to eat; I always made sure I
ordered a salad to go along with my meal. It was not because I really 
liked salads, but it was supposed to be healthy for you. I honestly 
believe I have eaten enough salads in my lifetime to last the rest of 
my life. 

Then the argument comes from the other side of the house. “The reason
the doctor doesn't find anything wrong with you,” she says rather 
sternly, “is because you've been eating healthy vegetables all your 
life.” 

I suppose there is some kudos in that argument. 

“Don't you remember,” she said, “that Eve used an apple to cause Adam to
fall into sin?” 

Well, I had to think about that one. There is no concrete evidence that
it was an apple tree, but I was not in any position to challenge her 
theology at that moment. 


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