Selected Conscience (standard:other, 457 words)
Author: davidg.	Added: Apr 23 2001	Views/Reads: 3291/1	Story vote: 0.00 (0 votes)
half truth - half reality.

selected conscience. 

my girlfriend said that sometimes i act as if im schizophrenic.
schizophrenic; A serious mental illness which results in delusional 
thought patterns, hallucinations and inappropriate affect. These 
patients will often suffer from social and occupational difficulty in 
addition to personal disability. 

she says i act as if i do not understand human emotions or feelings. im
sure i do. i try my best to understand. 

she said this last week. we were staying in a cheap hotel on the north
side of Chicago. "Lake View." around the same time she asked when the 
last time i saw a doctor was. i told her that i live by the idea that 
no news is good news. therefore, if i never visit the doctor i will 
never get any news on my mental health (good or bad) and no news is, by 
default, good news. she said that that was stupid. i agreed. 

one of my friends came to see me whilst i was in the hotel. i went to
school with him. we went to Subway to have something to eat and he told 
me how he got pissed off with people who don't buy things from small 
shops because "they heard that the guy who owns it is cheating on his 
wife." but they still buy food from Mcdonalds, which is one of the 
worlds biggest causes for deforestation. he said he likes to call this 
"shopping with a selected conscience." shopping with a selected 
conscience. selected conscience. i told him that his theory was very 
interesting. he didn't recognise the sarcasm in my voice. 

selected conscience. 

he had a diet coke. 

on walking back to the hotel we talked of days gone past. school seemed
very far away. there were many things i didn't want to remember. my 
memory had distorted school into something, which i loved and enjoyed. 
im sure in reality it was terrible. too many arguments. children 
arguing. 

selected conscience. the words penetrated my frontal lobe. 

i asked him if he wanted a coffee. he said he preferred a beer. i had
none. he settled for water. my girlfriend was in the shower. we could 
hear her singing. she didn't like my school friend. she said he 
reminded her of me when i was younger and more stupid. 

i knew he liked her. but i would never say anything about this. he would
disagree and get angry. 

the hotel's walls were pale. sometimes when i was alone they made me
feel sick. 

the coffee was warm on my lips. i knew the caffeine wouldn't let me
sleep. these days i gave in to caffeine. 

he left and my girlfriend got out of the shower. and i was right. 

i couldn't sleep.


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