Memories and Regrets (Part 5) (standard:non fiction, 2385 words) [5/5] show all parts
Author: Maya	Added: Apr 22 2001	Views/Reads: 2578/2025	Part vote: 0.00 (0 votes)
This is the final Part of my story. It was cathartic to write, and I hope someone got something out of it.

I think I was pretty happy for a while.  I was growing up.  I was
leaving some of my baggage behind me.  I was really trying to 
appreciate who I was.  I figured that I had turned out pretty good.  
Sure, I wasn’t the most physically beautiful person, but I felt good 
about who I was on the inside.  I really did. I liked to think that I 
was alone, but I wasn’t lonely.  I was doing things almost every 
weekend.  I had places to go, things to do.  Unfortunately, in a weak 
moment, loneliness snuck up on me. 

I was feeling regrets again.  This time over Sean.  Maybe I didn’t give
it a chance.  I knew his birthday was coming up so I sent him a card 
and a letter.  Just to see what would happen.  I actually got a letter 
back.  I was a little surprised.  I thought after the way I had treated 
him, he’d have just told me off or ignored my letter.  He was very 
gracious.  His letters kind of sounded like he was writing a textbook, 
though.  There wasn’t a lot of emotion.  Even less that I would have 
expected from a first letter. 

We wrote back and forth for a few weeks. Eventually we started phoning
each other.  Finally, I invited him to spend New Years Eve (1995) with 
me and Stacy and her boyfriend.  Being the anti-social person that I 
thought he was, I was really, surprised when he said yes. 

Did we have a good time?  I did.  Stacy and her boyfriend did.  Did
Sean?  I didn’t know.  He was very hard to read.  We all stayed at my 
apartment (different apartment – no roommate) that night since it was 
so late.  It was an interesting evening.  I learned a little more about 
Sean.  He spent some time in the Air Force.  He was an amateur 
photographer.  He developed his own photos.  He was a computer 
technician.  He loved computers.  I knew some of this from the letters 
he sent.  He was still shy and reserved. 

After that night we spent a lot of time on the phone to each other. 
Then I started going up to his apartment every other weekend, and he 
would come to mine every other weekend.  We were developing a 
relationship.  His letters still had a textbook feel to them, but they 
were sincere and they came regularly.  I had managed to get over some 
things that I had been dragging around with me.  It was enough to allow 
someone to get close to me.  I had grown up. 

Sean and I became a couple.  We were serious.  By November he was
hinting around about marriage.  Just little things, but enough to give 
me ideas.  Christmas came.  I was sure he was going to ask me to marry 
him.  I just knew he would.  We spent Christmas with my family.  By the 
time Christmas was almost over he had still not asked me.  I didn’t 
know what was going on.  He had hinted and hinted until it was obvious, 
but here it was, late Christmas day – nothing. 

Finally, back at my apartment, he sat me down and we discussed it. 
DISCUSSED IT!  He didn’t ask me.  We discussed it.  This was not what I 
had in mind.  No ring.  No bended knee.  No emotion.  Just a 
discussion.  Did I love Sean?  At the time, yes.  As much as I knew 
what it was about, I did love him.  I did want to marry him.  It was, 
after all, the next logical step in our relationship.  Once again, it 
was what I was supposed to do. 

Yes, we decided, we would get married.  I would tell my employers and
start looking for another job. He would move from his apartment closer 
to the new job that he would be starting in January.  I found a new job 
right away.  I quit my job and moved to the city in February 1996.  We 
had found a nice house to rent, so we didn’t even have to deal with 
apartment neighbors.  Except for the totally unromantic proposal, 
everything seemed to be going well.  I finally got my engagement ring 
on Valentine’s Day. 

I missed my family immensely, but I visited them often.  I was only
about 70 miles away, but it seemed like 700.  I didn’t realize how much 
time I spent with them until I couldn’t just drop in on them after work 
anymore. 

I was basically happy. There were a few things that I would have liked
to change.  Sean was so uncomfortable around other people that I 
eventually started to hope he wouldn’t go to my family get-togethers.  
When he did go to them he was rude.  He didn’t mean to be, but that’s 
how his shyness came across.  He didn’t know how to handle my family or 


Click here to read the rest of this story (138 more lines)