Hell on earth (standard:non fiction, 328 words)
Author: kmjog	Added: Apr 11 2002	Views/Reads: 3295/1	Story vote: 0.00 (0 votes)
This is a personal account of a horrendous month of suffering I went through in March of 2002.

I have suffered from clinical depression for 4 long years now. It has
waxed and waned. I also suffer from OCD an anxiety disorder. In the 
year 2002 it got very bad. I have been on at least 50 different 
medications for my disorders. Some of them worked for awhile and then 
stopped working. I recently have been on five different anti-depressant 
type medications. 

I went to my woman doctor and I decided I needed to get back on
estrogen. I also wanted a B-12 shot. She said she knew that a shot like 
that would get rid of hallucinations and delusions. She would not give 
me one for depression. I then went to the drug store and bought a 
bottle of B-12 tablets. I took 5000mg of them. 

I was doing volunteer work and jogging 4 miles a day until March of
2002. In the last 2 months I began obsessing more and more at my 
volunteer waitress job at a local hospital. I also developed severe 
scrupulosity just since Jan 2002. I had worked for 3 different 
places(demo type work) and I COULD NOT CASH the 4 checks I had for the 
last 3 months. The very LOUD OCD voice told me that something really 
bad would happen if I cashed these checks. I got fed up and gave the 
checks to my husband to deposit in his account. He then gave me the 
money.I won a major victory this time. God did not punish me. 

I want you to know what a typical OCD day was like. I woke up every day
in sheer terror. I would repeat to myself hundreds of times a day "Dear 
Lord please help me to function". I felt like I was waking up to a 
nightmare. However, I was not dreaming it was as real as the sky is 
blue. 

I have written more but I would like some feedback on what I have
submitted. Thanks so much. Kathy


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