Fly Me Away, Bill (standard:humor, 671 words)
Author: PeterFromOZ	Added: Dec 18 2001	Views/Reads: 3491/2370	Story vote: 0.00 (0 votes)
A plane trip goes wrong and I have to use my laptop computer with Microsoft Flight Simulator to fly the plane...

Fly Me Away, Bill 

================= 

It was mid-flight, on a Boeing 747, somewhere over the Altantic... Over
came the announcement: "I'm sorry, folks, but things are not looking 
good. The plane's instruments have failed. Say your prayers folks". 

"Hostess", I said. "Take me to the captain. I have a laptop." 

"But, sir", she said. "I don't see how that will help." 

"It's loaded with Microsoft Flight Simulator. It can plug straight in
and we can fly the plane." 

"Quick. There's no time to lose", she said. 

I grabbed my laptop under my arm and we made our way quickly to the
cockpit. 

The plane was in a slow descent. Lindy the flight attendant said,"this
man can help. He's got a laptop with Flight Simulator." 

"We can plug it in. If the auxiliary port on the plane is still OK." I
was already booting up the pc. 

"OK. All I've got to do is double click on this icon to start the
program. Here plug this into the console," I said. 

"Great, it's auto-detected the plane. Now I've got to try to straighten
her up." 

"I'll use the cursor keys. Cursor rights. No cursor down. No cursor
right and down. Damn it's no good. I need a joystick. Quick give me the 
mic for the plane's pa system." I grabbed the microphone and flicked 
the switch for the plane's public address system. "Does someone, 
anyone, have a joystick for a pc??" 

I ran out of the cockpit. "You keep trying", I said to the captain. 

I spotted a kid in aisle three. He was playing Doom. "Quick, kid, give
me that joystick!" 

"No way. This is level 15." 

"Give me that." and I SLAPPED him. 

"Owww" 

"Just pause the damn game." Stupid kid. 

I ripped the joystick out of his computer and raced back to the cockpit.


I plugged it into the laptop. 

"OK, captain, I can take it from here." 

I pulled back on the computer joystick and the plane started to respond.
I was working. I G-forces were incredible, but the plane was starting 
to level off. A couple of minutes and it was looking good. I just had 
to move the stick slightly to the right to level the wings. Great. Look 
good. 

So there we were, flying along OK. 

"Now to press 'A' for Auto Pilot," I said. It worked and in the corner
of the screen it says "AUTO PILOT" 

Then suddenly a seagull flies into engine number one. It bursts into
flames. And at the same time Windows gets an "exception error!" A "blue 
screen of death" on the computer. It's just a messy screen of columns 
of hex codes and messages. 

"Quick. Reboot. Reboot," I say, as the plane starts to descend again.


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