ROGER'S FABULOUS VOYAGES, PART 2, CHAPTER 12. (standard:humor, 1704 words) [12/12] show all parts
Author: Danny Zil	Added: Jun 14 2012	Views/Reads: 2051/1659	Part vote: 0.00 (0 votes)
Roger says goodbye to Hub Cap and leaves Uhuruland.

Click here to read the first 75 lines of the story

stuff.” 

“So how did you get to be an Archangel then?” 

Mel grinned. “Grovellin, mate! Likes a lot of grovellin does Big G. Tell
you this, Roger,” Mel whispered conspiratorially, “if you want to get 
anywhere in this life--” 

“Or the last!” the bold Roger cut in. 

Mel grinned. “This life, or the last, or the next, then remember that
Big G appreciates a good bit of grovellin!” 

“Grovelling,” said Roger. “So if I grovel a lot on Earth--” 

“And don't enjoy yourself too much!” 

“...then I get to be an Angel in the next life?” 

“So long as you haven't any Karma to get squared away.” 

And is there some sort of ceremony when this happens?” 

“Sort of,” said Mel. “Big G makes a rare personal appearance. Lets the
recent stiff run up to him an grovel some more. But then they usually 
say somethin like, ‘What is the great secret, Master? What is the 
purpose behind it all?' Then Big G tells them about the card game an 
that there is no purpose behind it all an that pisses them off but then 
He makes them an Angel an gives them eternal life an that makes them 
happy again.” 

Mel knocked the dead tobacco out of his pipe and put it away. 

“So what do you do as an Archangel?” Roger asked, desperately trying to
postpone his visit to Purgatory. 

“Ah yes, Miracles an Religious Sightins, that's me!” said Mel. “That's
where I carry out the odd miracle on one of Big G's planets – maybe 
cure somebody that's dyin of some horrible disease. Then the Sightins 
bit is when I maybe make some blood come out of one of Big G's statues. 
Keep up the interest down there.” Mel stood up and stretched. “Anyways, 
Roger, we can't sit here talkin all day. It's time for you to go.” 

Roger glanced down the road towards Purgatory and swallowed. “Can't we
talk a little longer?” 

“Sorry, mate. I'm scheduled for a Religious Sightin on Mars in an hour.
You've got to go, mate.” 

“Suppose I run away?” 

“No good,” Mel reminded him. “You saw what happened to the last would-be
escaper. Come on.” He grabbed Roger by the arm. 

“Stop it! Let go of me!” Roger said, pushing his arm away. 

“Now come on, Roger,” Mel said, tugging at him. “You can't put it off
any longer.” 

“I won't go!” Roger squeaked. “I won't! I won't! I won't!” 

Mel grabbed his other arm and they started struggling. 

“Come on, Roger!” 

“No! No! No!” 

“You're only makin things worse for yourself. You'll have to go.” 

“I won't! I won't! I won't!” 

“Come on, Roga! Roga! Wake up, bro!” said Hub Cap. 

“I won't go! I won't...,” Roger opened his eyes, “...go!...I say, I'm
back on my Ship!” 

The Ship's Computer, Boy Paddy, applauded. “Well spotted!” he said. 

Roger sat up on the Bridge couch and looked round. “Hub Cap!” he said in
surprise. “Is it you?” 

“Yeah, it's me, bro!” Hub Cap replied, laughing. 

“And Clarence!” said a grinning Roger, standing up and slapping palms
with him. 

“My my, check out Mr Street-Cool!” remarked Boy Paddy. 

“Welcome back, dude!” said Clarence. 

“Not forgettin Teacha hea,” said Hub Cap, putting an arm round her. 

She smiled and waved to Roger. 

Roger grinned back. “My God! That was certainly one very strange dream I
had! I dreamt I had died and I met an Archangel and was going to 
Purgatory!” 

Clarence laughed. “That was a ganja dream, my man!” he told him. 

“Well it was pretty powerful.” 

“So was the weed you was smokin befoa the execution.” 

Roger frowned. “Oh yes, the execution. Remind me,” he said to Hub Cap,
“How did you swing that?” 

“You has Teacha hea to thank for that. Tell him, babe,” he encouraged. 

Teacha smiled. “My fatha is the Executiona hea,” she told Roger. “Ah's
talkin wit him an we thinkin no need t' be executin you jus cos you 
wite. So we puttin a red paint-ball in the gun.” 

Roger looked down at his crimson-stained Fleet Pilot's outfit. 

“Its red paint!” announced Boy Paddy. 

“Red paint?” mouthed Roger. “How do you know that?” 

Boy Paddy sighed. “I think they are called sensors,” he explained
patiently. 

The other laughed. Roger flushed. 

“Hey Rog, I likes that Computa of yours,” said Hub Cap. 

“Ah, a man of taste!” responded Boy Paddy. 

Hub Cap bowed to him. 

“Me-thinks you should all take a bow,” said Boy Paddy. “For saving James
Bond here.” 

They all hee-hawed. Even James Bond laughed. 

“So tell me, Hub Cap, how did you get me from the Execution Post back to
my Ship?” 

“Hmm,” said Hub Cap, frowning. “I thinks...I thinks...yeah, me an
Clarence carried you!” 

Even Boy Paddy laughed at that one. 

“I mean how did you get round Big Lucas?” 

“Easy. I told Big Lucas befoa the execution that me an Clarence hea
would bury you an he agreed. He had otha things on his mind besides – 
one of the sistas from the Choir!” 

Roger grinned. 

“Then when the execution ova, we jus go up, untie you an takes you away
for burial,” supplied Clarence. 

“Anyways, folks losin interest then an wants to get back to partyin,”
explained Hub Cap. “Plus they was a bonus. Don't think you'll rememba 
but Big Lucas shootin one unfortunate dude in the crowd befoa the 
execution.” 

“So we come back an take his body an bury it instead of you,” Clarence
said. 

“Fortunate for me, unfortunate for him,” said Roger. 

“Yeah, it was Digby Quibble,” Hub Cap told him. 

“Digby Quibble!?” 

Hub Cap laughed. “Only jokin, Rog! It was some useless trash piece.
Always wasted an causin trouble. Nobody gonna miss him.” 

Roger nodded 

“Anyways, it's the middle of the night an everybody's still passed out
afta the party,” Hub Cap went on, “so it safe for you to go now, bro.” 

“What about my Ship?” asked Roger. “Won't Big Lucas notice that it's
gone?” 

“Hell no!” Clarence told him. “There's a shit load of Ships all parked
up hea. He won't notice one's missin.” 

“Well in that case...I suppose it's time for goodbyes.” 

Boy Paddy started sobbing. “Oh no! Not goodbyes! I hate goodbyes!” 

Everyone laughed. 

“Well goodbye, Teacha,” Roger said, hugging her. “Thanks awfully for
everything.” 

“Yous welcome,” she said, kissing him on the cheek. 

“And, uh, goodbye, Clarence,” said Roger, hugging him. “Thanks for the
ganja.” 

Clarence grinned and tucked a fat envelope into one of Roger's pockets.
“A little somethin for the journey, bro!” 

“Drug alert! Drug alert!” announced Boy Paddy. “Illegal drugs aboard a
Fleet Ship!!” 

Hub Cap laughed. “Shua dig that Computa,” he said. “Well this is goodbye
then, bro. Bin cool knowin y'all.” 

Roger and Hub Cap hugged. Boy Paddy supplied some sad violin music. 

“Thanks for showing me round,” began Roger. 

The violin music became more soulful. 

“And for Scabby Sue.” 

Boy Paddy started sobbing gently along with the violin music. 

“And for saving my life.” 

“Oh don't go!” wailed Boy Paddy. “Don't go!” 

And on that note, they parted, laughing. 


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