The Truth About Rabbits! (standard:humor, 1411 words)
Author: Tony Dungate	Added: Jun 14 2008	Views/Reads: 3328/2184	Story vote: 0.00 (0 votes)
So you think you know about rabbits, do you. Take everything you think you know about rabbits and throw it out the window.

Hello there. My name is Stew. Although I don't know any of you, you
certainly seem to know me to some degree. That may sound odd to you, 
but I am used to it. You see I don't normally seek out to communicate 
with people. I find people to be very complex to both know and to be 
involved with. As a rule you tend to be extremely self-absorbed 
individuals whose whole existence seems to evolve around where you fit 
in with other people. 

Anyways, the reason for writing this letter is to set a few things
straight. There are some points that you need to know about me in order 
to get a clear picture of who I am. I am a member of the Sylvilagus 
Floridanus tribe of the Lagomorpha family. I know this sounds like I 
emigrated here from a foreign country, but if the truth be told, my 
family has been living here longer than the First Nations tribes. 

I live in a community called West Hill in the east end of Toronto in the
borough of Scarborough. I live by myself and don't work as you do in 
order to survive. I will eventually find a member of the opposite sex 
in order to have little ones but at this point in time, I am single. 
That is pretty much the story of my life so far but now it is time to 
get to the point of this letter. 

It seems that a lot of you have been misinformed as to who I am, where I
came from and where I have gone. First of all I am about four weeks 
old. I was born in a small hole in the ground underneath a large 
evergreen tree around May 2nd of this year. I have two brothers and one 
sister and a mother. My father is no longer in the picture and hasn't 
been ever since he impregnated my mother. 

After about three weeks of living at home with my family, I was taken
out of our house and left outside under a tree because my mother could 
no longer feed me. If this sounds cruel and harsh, it is a fact of life 
in our family that every one of my brothers and sister also had to deal 
with. To help you get over the shock of how someone could do such a 
thing to a child, it would be best to clarify at this point that yes 
indeed I am an eastern cottontail rabbit and I am referred to as a kit, 
or a kitten. 

Well now that I really have your attention let's clarify some human
misconceptions about rabbits. 

For centuries we have led somewhat quite existence, in a communication
sense. Let's face it, for humans to think that we rabbits communicate 
in a manner similar to humans talking would be borderline crazy. You 
all know that we make a variety of noises that would be similar to a 
lot of other animals or pets. You know that we growl we are angry, 
fearful, uncertain or stressed. When we scream, which sounds like a 
heart-breaking sound; it generally means that we are either hurt or 
dying and that we need help immediately. If you hear us thump our back 
feet, this is for a number of reasons which include fear, anger and 
warning to you to that danger is lurking. Finally, if we are rubbing 
our chin all over the furniture, the book your reading, or you, this is 
just our way of marking her territory. 

When you think about it, we have been around for thousands of years in
some form or another as rabbits. We have been around humans for a 
greater part of this time. You may think of us as dumb creatures at the 
bottom of the intelligence scale, but we rank right up there with 
humans as far as intelligence. Hey if we really allowed you test us, 
you would find that we are brighter than any type of dog, including the 
master race, poodles! What am I saying? Well here goes. We are fluent 
in most human languages, both reading and writing. We can read, write 
and sing musical lyrics and would the truth be known, a lot of the 
music from the 60's and early 70's that has been attributed to 
musicians of the day, were actually written and sung by us rabbits 
first. Grace Slick spent a week camping in woods in northern California 
doped out of her mind. We got tired of her urinating down our rabbit 
holes, so one night when she was passed out, we got together and sung 
the words to her and the next day she wrote them down and left!  Next 
thing we hear she has a hit single, “White Rabbit”. Have you ever woken 
up after sleeping and had a great idea, a story line, or song lyrics. 
Well usually it's because a rabbit has appeared in the night and 
whispered in your ear. 

What do we eat? Well, humans have us grazing on grass, and leafy weeds,


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