A botched opening (standard:humor, 967 words)
Author: Mark Tival	Added: Aug 27 2007	Views/Reads: 3113/3	Story vote: 0.00 (0 votes)
Harry and Ron in a tavern opening scene/short chapter for a book

A Botched opening 

‘I though she felt the same way' Said Ron glumly clutching his second
dripping ice pack to his face, ‘Maybe trying to Grope her wasn't the 
best way of telling her how you feel' Replied Harry looking at his best 
friend Ron with pity at his lack of emotional range that made him so 
understanding of the female mind, ‘She has a hot body we all know that 
but you know how Hermione doesn't like to be touched, by any one, well 
except Ginny' Harry continued, however wisely choosing to say the last 
part under his breath yet just loud enough so that Ron, despite his 
shock at his sister being the object of desire of his best friend and 
many times attempted shag buddy, said with no tact at all, ‘But look at 
what she let Klum do to her.' His voice rising steadily beyond what 
Harry would have considered appropriate. He desperately tried to 
quieten Ron down his eyes bulging out of their sockets attempting to 
tell him. Ron however oblivious to his best friends looks continued 
uncaring of the looks he was now getting, ‘I heard she likes being 
touched in many places, some apparently very strange ones' he said loud 
enough for the rest of the three broomsticks, well the men any way, to 
prick up their ears and listen, ‘Any way' continued Ron still obviously 
not having noticed Harry's looks who had noticed he were not alone in 
listening to Ron's part of the conversation and was quietly wishing he 
could appareate ‘I thought she would like being touched there. Its 
rather tame considering what they found in her room. Oh well' He 
sighed, ‘Plenty more fish in the sea so they say' he winked at Harry. 
Looking over the bar his roving eyes met with the proprietors, Madam 
Roserta's chest and he looked at Harry nudging him under the table and 
saying no less quietly, ‘She's a bit of alright' he suggested to Harry 
keeping his voice above the ordinary level required so that not every 
one in the bar could hear ‘Do you think she'll say yes to a bit of the 
Roninator?' with out waiting for a reply from Harry he scampered off 
taking away the now dripping ice pack from his face. 

Harry sat at the bar dumbfounded at Ron's stupidity, even more so at how
horny he was. Quickly as befitted his IQ Harry drifted off his mind on 
the dull pain in his scar almost deaf to the sound of a deep voice 
asking ‘How you doing?' followed by a muffled scuffle ending in a loud 
slap. Harry however wasn't listening he was lost in memories his scar 
throbbing painfully on his head. Fingering it Harry laughed to him self 
as the misbelieve about his scar. Contrary to what every one said about 
it, it wasn't Voldemorts attempts to kill Harry that gave him his scar. 
No it was a botched sadomasochist session that gave it to him when he 
was a baby. Voldemort was in fact good friends with Harry's parents and 
they them selves were masochists. Finally they got him to join in but 
half way through it went horribly wrong when one of his mothers spells 
had backfired killing the three of them, rebounding around the room 
finally hitting Harry, giving him the whip shaped scar (every one said 
it was a lighting bolt, ha he thought if only they knew). The one thing 
that troubled him about the story was what kind of parents would have 
their baby in with them during sex time? Either very devoted parents or 
just very sick ones, and, judging from the pictures of them Harry had 
seen he could guess which it was. 

The sounds of Ron coming back to Harry clutching his face for the second
time that hour brought Harry out form his thoughts. ‘Come on lets go' 
Ron muttered to Harry through thick lips, ‘I don't think we're welcome 
here any more' ‘Correction you're not welcome' Harry said looking at 
Ron however Ron corrected him ‘Na you either when she said no I said 
but Harry wants some too we could have a bit of a party' He grinned at 
Harry ‘And you were away with the fairies which to her looked like you 
were eyeing her up' He chuckled at the thought of how much trouble he'd 
gotten Harry into over the years with his hair brained schemes of 
trying to dupe any one, or thing for that matter into bed. Much to 
Hermione's amazement and disgust he'd even had a go at Crookshanks. 
That one had earned him a slashed face and a trip to Madam Ponfrey the 
nurse who knowing Ron didn't need to ask how he'd got his latest set of 
injuries. 

Coming to think about it Harry remembered that Ron had tried to seduce
her too. However no matter how much he annoyed Harry at times he 
couldn't help but feel sorry for him knowing how it felt to be a 
teenage Wizard in constant heat. Hell he had spent the last five years 
of Transfiguration trying to turn what ever McGonagall gave him into a 
naked woman. Suffice to say that the results were so poor not even 
McGonagall had been able to tell what most of them were. At the end of 
last year they were so desperate that Harry and Ron teamed together to 
try and do it. However their efforts were not up to much standard 
having never seen a naked woman and all they made was half a breast 
from a broken tea cup.  They left for the castle as quickly as possible 
trying to ignore the disgusted looks they were acquiring their 
escapades being well known through out Hogmead. 


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