A gay mans life alone (standard:other, 621 words)
Author: ShyoneKC	Added: Feb 16 2001	Views/Reads: 3935/4	Story vote: 0.00 (0 votes)
Everyone deep inside dreams of falling in love, of finding that one true love of a lifetime. What happens when you give up on that dream?

*Warning* This story does contain information of a gay nature although
of a non-sexual nature 

Everyone deep inside dreams of falling in love, of finding that one true
love of a lifetime. What happens when you give up on that dream? 

He had know he was attracted to other guys as long as he could remember
although he never acted on his feelings ubtil he was 18. Did he enjoy 
sex? Of course but, it left him feeling empty inside because that's all 
it ever was. What he longed for was love, a true and never ending love. 


In 1995 he discovered the internet and chatting on-line. Over the course
of five years he met several people from the net. Some were simply 
friends and with a few the friendship developed into more but not what 
he really wanted. 

I should tell you a bit more about him. He was shy his whole life in
part because of his weight problem and a fear of being rejected. He 
didn't make friends easily but when he did he was the best friend 
anyone could ever hope to have. Easy to talk to, a good listener, 
caring, compassionate, sweet and honest.He was not one to judge and 
unless it was a matter of life and death kept everything told to him 
totaly secret. 

For all the things he had going for him he was alone and realized that
in order to meet someone he would need to change. Now the internet did 
help him become a bit more outgoing but not enough to risk rejection of 
a guy he thought was cute. Not that he never took a risk but each time 
he did, he was rejected mainly because the guys he was attracted to 
were straight. I don't know how many nights he fell asleep crying while 
holding his teddy bear that he had. He never named his bear although 
many nights he would hold it and dream he was holding someone and being 
held. It wasn't the sex he longed for but the feeling of loving someone 
and they sharing the same feelings in return. 

Was it his weight keeping him from meeting someone special? No because
other guys even heavier had little problem meeting guys they liked but 
he was shy and didn't like going to bars because when he did go, he 
would sit there alone and either no one would speak to him or he would 
have to kindly put off men twice his age and older. I do know that the 
few times he went to bars he wished he had never gone and at least a 
few times, he left literally in tears. Another wasted night, another 
time he held out a hope to actually meet someone who could see beyond 
what was on the outside and see the real man inside. 

Will anyone ever see him for who he really is? Only time will tell.
There are times where his hope is all but gone. Somehow, he finds the 
strength to keep going, he keeps hope alive. 

I only hope you will read this and keep in mind that I am not a
professional writer. I will write other stories in the future, ones 
with more zest and excitement, I hope my friend reads this story and 
understands I only did it in hopes that someone can tell him what I 
have for a long time. He doesn't need to change anything to meet anyone 
except to be more outgoing and willing to take a chamce. When he does 
meet that special someone, I know the guy he falls for will be lucky. 
The thing I most want to say is never give up hope!


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