Chronologically Challenged (standard:humor, 712 words)
Author: Jim Spence	Added: Oct 06 2005	Views/Reads: 3650/3	Story vote: 0.00 (0 votes)
Ah, the every changing perspectives of the chronologically challenged.

Chronologically Challenged 

As human beings, we are prone to defy Sir Isaac Newton's law of
relativity.   From the moment of our birth until we reach the age of 
18, ten lifetimes go by.  From the age of 18 until the age of 50 takes 
two weeks. 

Or so it seems. 

Not only that, but when you're 50 years old you have a different
perspective on things that you didn't even realize you had a 
perspective on.  You see the same things that you saw when you were a 
child, only now you're seeing them through bifocals. 

Remember when you were a kid?  Remember what it was like to anticipate
some upcoming event in the near future?  It seemed like it would take 
fooorrreeevvveeeerrr to get here.  When you hit 50, you'd better have a 
month to plan for anything, because even though it might be a month 
away, it'll actually be here tomorrow. 

When you were 2, one day without diapers seemed like an eternity.  When
you're 50, every day is one day closer to wearing diapers. 

When you were 3, if your mother went out of sight for one minute you
swore she was gone forever.  When you're 50, if your mother shows up, 
you swear she was just there one minute ago. 

When you were 4, you thought that the ice cream man would never get
there.  When you're 50, you swear that the ice cream man (and his 
incessant chimes) will never leave. 

When you were 5, your favorite cartoon show lasted all day long.  When
you're 50, the movie you paid $4.95 to rent is over before your popcorn 
is gone. 

When you were 6, going to school meant lunch and nap.  When you're 50,
going to work means missing lunch and nodding off in a meeting. 

When you were 7, baseball was played in a vacant lot with a broken bat
and newspapers for bases.  When you're 50, baseball is played by kids 
that look 7. 

When you were 8, you rode your bike from one end of the street to the
other and thought it was like riding across the world.  When you're 50, 
driving to the store for a gallon of milk is like driving across the 
world – and didn't you just buy a gallon of milk yesterday? 

When you were 9, “come here this instant!” meant you'd better run to mom
as fast as you can.  When you're 50, “come here this instant!” means 
you better try to sneak out the back door. 

When you were 10, summer vacation lasted 20 years.  When you're 50, it
seems like 20 years since you had a summer vacation – and you had one, 
just last summer. 

When you were 11, you thought that high school kids looked old.  When
you're 50, you wonder what they're doing letting 11 year olds attend 
high school. 

When you were 12, a weekend lasted forever.  When you're 50, you hardly
unpack for a two week vacation before you're packing again 

When you were 13, a kiss from a girl lasted all day long.  When you're
50, a kiss from a girl seems like a distant memory. 

When you were 14, you would spend all day trying to get a one minute
look at dad's dirty magazines.  When you're 50, you take one minute to 
pick out a dirty magazine that you'll look at all day. 

When you were 15, and it was a week before your 16th birthday (and your
driver's license), you swore that babies were being conceived and born 
in the time it takes your birthday to get here.  When you're 50, you 
swear that babies are being conceived and born before your oatmeal gets 
cold. 

When you were 16, you couldn't wait to drive – anywhere.  When you're
50, you let anyone else drive – anywhere. 

When you were 17, you thought that as soon as you hit 18 you'd be an
adult.  When you're 50, you think that hitting 65 means your life is 
over; and you'll be 65 when you turn around. 

When you were 18, you were ready to leave home and be on your own.  When
you're 50, you'd give anything to never have to leave home. 

Ah, the ever changing perspectives of the chronologically challenged. 


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