Men and Machines (standard:humor, 1122 words)
Author: Jim Spence	Added: Oct 05 2005	Views/Reads: 3574/2292	Story vote: 0.00 (0 votes)
Men and their machines - is it any wonder we love them?

Click here to read the first 75 lines of the story

there's even a Super Plus option on a washing machine.  How cool is 
that?  That's definitely a guy thing. 

Of course, there's also Wrinkle Reset and Delicates which, in guy terms,
sound rather – well, gay. 

(Eighth Author's Note: Oh, now I've done it; now I've offended not only
women but gay men as well.  Come on, cut me some slack.  I'm not 
homophobic.  At least I haven't said anything about lesbians yet.) 

(Ninth Author's Note: I guess I just did.  My apologies.) 

Just look at all of the different speeds on a washing machine.  Men love
gears.  We shift them even when we don't have to, just because we all 
want to be like Richard Petty.  Most washing machines have “gentle,” 
“normal,” “low spin” and “heavy duty.”  That's four gears.  If I had to 
wash my own clothes, I'd be going through every gear on the dash board 
and spinning rubber in the laundry room. 

(Tenth Author's Note: If ever there was a place to have a “skid mark”
reference, right here would have been it.) 

A guy would love that Heavy Soil option.  You could probably get every
speck of dirt out of a good pair of hiking boots and those coveralls 
you use to clean out the gutters.  That's heavy soil.  And that's a guy 
thing. 

So a guy could load up his dirty clothes (shoes included), dump in a
bunch of fluids, put that sucker on Super Plus and stand back as the 
washing machine goes through all four gears, popping wheelies in the 
laundry room, leaving marks as those little rubber feet go chirping 
around the floor. 

Doesn't sound like some wimpy girly machine now, huh? 

(Eleventh Author's Note: I swear I'm not intentionally trying to make
women mad.  Sometimes I just open my mouth and this stuff pops out.) 

So step back ladies; we guys are going to take over the appliance that,
by commission of heaven itself, belongs to men.  We're going to take 
over the washing machine. 

Women, stay in the kitchen; we'll take over the laundry. 

(Twelfth Author's Note: Okay, that remark sounded chauvinist.  It wasn't
meant to be, believe me.  Because eventually the woman that cooks my 
meals is going to read this and hold it against me.) 

(Thirteenth Author's Note: I just can't win for losing.  Honey, I didn't
mean you have to stay in the kitchen.  I just meant – well, women in 
general.) 

(Fourteenth Author's Note: Lord, maybe I should just shut up.  Is there
any group of women that I haven't offended yet?) 

(Fifteenth Author's Note: I guess I can use one more washing machine
reference and say – if there's any woman's group that I've offended, 
either by inclusion or omission, perhaps there's one other “gear” on 
the washing machine “dash board” that you can use – Cool Down.) 


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