The Toilet Seat Issue (standard:humor, 740 words)
Author: Jim Spence	Added: Oct 05 2005	Views/Reads: 3543/0	Story vote: 0.00 (0 votes)
The toilet seat - up or down?

The Toilet Seat Issue 

Perhaps no issue separates a man and a woman as much as the toilet seat
issue – up or down? 

Most women take the side of leaving it down at all times, just as most
men say it should be left up. 

Men are inherently lazy, and the act of having to reach down and lift
the seat before urinating takes a few seconds away from their obviously 
busy lives.  But it appears that women tend to have this same laziness; 
they don't want to put the lid down for the same biological function. 

Women use the tack that it is aesthetically more pleasing to walk into a
bathroom and see the toilet closed, and they're right.  On the other 
hand, men use the argument that it's more polite for any male guests to 
be able to use the toilet without having to bend down and lift the lid, 
thereby not having to touch a part of someone's house that they'd 
rather not touch.  After all, statistics show that 70% of men don't 
wash their hands after urinating, whether it be in a public restroom or 
a home (of course, almost the same percentage of women don't wash their 
hands either, but they don't want to admit it). 

So which should it be – up or down? 

Here are a few sides to each argument that may help you decide: 

Most men think in terms of sports; any waste receptacle becomes a
basket, and whatever object they are discarding becomes a ball.  An 
open toilet is an inviting target for a tissue or paper towel; an open 
lid and seat become a backboard.  Women should consider this when 
discussing the open/closed issue.  After all, women use ten times more 
tissue than men do, and an open toilet makes it easier to discard that 
half box of Kleenex a woman uses every morning.  However, on the 
negative side of this – most men don't rebound their own misses, 
especially if they've bounced three times around the toilet rim and 
fall out onto the floor. 

Since women spend twice as much time in the bathroom as men, a toilet
with a closed lid becomes an extra seat, making it easier to shave 
their legs or put on nylons.  Since most men do neither (we'll leave 
the discussions of those men that do for another time), the “extra 
seat” point is moot. 

Another example of why the lid should be up: it's the wee hours of the
night, and you've spent the better part of the evening consuming mass 
quantities of beer.  Knowing that it could come back up at any time, 
perhaps it's better not to have to take the time to raise the lid as 
you dash into the bathroom to hurl.  One second here could make the 
difference between just feeling terrible and having a hell of a mess on 
the floor. 

Now, let's say it's the next morning from that same night; at best
you're shaky and having difficulty holding onto your toothbrush.  If 
you drop it, which would you rather see – your toothbrush bouncing 
harmlessly off of the seat of the toilet into the floor, or the murky 
water with your toothbrush at the bottom?  In one case you wash your 
toothbrush off with scalding hot water; in the other you flush and hope 
you don't stop up the toilet. 

In most households, women clean the toilet.  In those rare households
where the man does, it's probably not done with as much efficiency.  
It's much easier to hide a dirty toilet with a closed lid than an open 
one.  Think about that, guys. 

Any person that owns a dog probably plays ball with it.  And anyone that
plays ball with a dog knows that the dog will instantly retrieve a 
thrown sphere no matter where it goes; even if that's an open toilet.  
One more vote for “lid down.” 

However, an open toilet means never having to fill the dog's water dish.


But in the end, there is but one item to consider; one thing that should
convince any man of the proper toilet seat position at all times. 

If a man takes a wife, and this wife's bottom happens to hit the icy
cold water in the toilet at 3:00 am because a man feels the lid should 
stay up – well then, brother, you know the answer. 

For hell hath no fury like a woman dunked. 


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