Life is a Country Song (standard:humor, 777 words)
Author: Andrew Dayton	Added: Oct 29 2004	Views/Reads: 3577/0	Story vote: 0.00 (0 votes)
Bo Peep needs a new line of work.

Life is a Country Song 

Little Bo peep, also known as Beep Beep for her reckless driving habits,
was playing hooky from tending sheep on Friday by hanging out near a 
water hole 2 pastures over. The reason for her being there on this 
particular Friday had a lot to do with the new hired hand at the Gilby 
ranch. He often swam off the week's dirt and grime and did it in the 
buff, much to Beep Beep's pleasure. 

Today as she continued her patented, stealthy approach to her hiding
spot, she saw that he'd come in Old Man Gilby's Jeep instead of hiking 
overland. As she looked at it she got the familiar rush of heat and 
recklessness that came over her whenever she was contemplating 
something bad. 

She altered her course so that she came up on the far side of the Jeep
and, waiting until he ducked under water she jumped in and fired it up, 
spitting gravel for 50 yards and leaving a plume of dust that hung 30 
feet in the air. 

She laughed out loud as the Jeep swerved dangerously on two wheels and
let slip her bonnet which was swept into the wake of the fleeing 
vehicle. Now that she had done it, she needed somewhere to go, 
something to do....in short, she needed a plan. She had maybe 4 hours 
before the thing was considered missing and she better be back to her 
sheep by then. 

As she settled down and considered, she realized that she could be to
the Texas Border in 3 hours. She could leave this life of drudgery 
behind. What the hell, 10% interest in a sheep herd was not a lot 
anyhow. She could be in Dallas by nightfall and hook up with a rich 
guy...she'd have it made. 

Ok, she was gonna do it! She swung off at a party store and fetched
herself a bottle of hooch. She loved to drink and scream down the road 
at 90 mph with country music blaring. Doing it in an open topped Jeep 
with gas that someone else paid for made it all that much better. 

As she tilted the bottle for another swig she looked at the road past
the bottle in her hand her eyes caught a glint of light off glass a 
hundred yards ahead. She swept past a police cruiser and just had time 
to take in the gape-mouthed look on a trooper's face as he took a whiz 
in the ditch. 

Well, she wasn't far before the rearview mirror reported the bad news;
Bogey on her six and there was more booze in her gut than there was gas 
in the tank. This was going to make for one short joyride, 
unless.......... 

She hooked a sharp turn just over a rise and stopped in the weeds. As
the cop flew by she started back the other way but stalled the engine. 
The cop saw this and slammed on the brakes and was out of the car 
before she knew it. To his credit, he almost made it to her Jeep before 
she got the thing restarted. She heard the engine catch and on sudden 
inspiration, threw the car in reverse and smashed the cop with the back 
of the Jeep. From the looks of things she thought she pretty well 
changed the geography of his body from the belt on up. 

This thought made her giggle and then, realizing she was absolutely free
started laughing harder and harder. The image of the trooper rolling in 
the dust after thinking he was so clever was pretty much giving her 
fits of hysterical laughter. 

As she wiped the tears from her eyes with one hand she had the other
dancing between the steering wheel and the radio. She couldn't sit 
still and was wiping her eyes yet again when she saw a white shape 
appear in the road ahead. She had time only to wonder if there was a 
roadblock before she impacted with the object and flipped the Jeep over 
on its side. The Jeep slid for 60 more yards shredding her left arm and 
her chances for ever tending sheep again. 

Light faded and she passed out with the hot sun beating on her and her
body screaming with pain. She woke up as she was being loaded into the 
back of an ambulance. She took in the state of the wrecked Jeep and was 
conscious enough to have a thought that she was lucky to be alive. Her 
gaze traveled further back to the point of impact and saw the white 
object in the road. 

A sheep. 

Damn 


Tweet